Husband of a friend telling off my child

[900cherry]

I was invited out this morning with some neighbours who are good friends. The husband is known to be snappy and to have little patience with his own children.
In the space of an hour, he told my 4 year old daughter to 'stop whining' and in a cafe, he snapped at her to 'OI, STOP THAT' when she kicked him under the table ( she was doing it playfully). My daughter burst into tears and came and sat on my lap. When his wife, who is a good friend, commented to him to calm down, he agressively responded 'Its not my problem if she's crying cos I told her off for not kicking me. She can deal with it'.

She is 4.

I said nothing as I didn't want to upset his wife, who I know was mortified.

I really want to email him tomorrow to tell him how inappropriate and uncalled for it was. AIBU? What would you do?

PS. The ironic thing is, he has an obnoxious daughter who is really badly behaved and I say nothing!

YABU. For not telling your child yourself to stop kicking someone. If my 4 year old was kicking someone (playfully or not) I'd be telling him to stop it, and if I wasn't I'd have no problems with someone else telling him to stop it!
Anyone kicked me I'd be telling them to stop it too, so don't blame him!

Animation came to the same conclusion so maybe there is something in it.

This thread just doesn't want to die.

It's still as fresh as a new daisy!

Actually I really hate my friend: she and her dh are both GPs, they have 4 lovely kids, they have a large dog that requires lots of walking, she home cooks, makes her own curtains, does GP training, goes to the gym and still manages to have an active social life.

She was just the same at Uni - the sort of student who was so organised that she managed to save some of her student grant but still had time to study and do fun things.

I hate her

Good gawd I cannot believe this thread is still going. I read this the day it went up and so many had already stated what I thought that it seemed unecessary to chime in.

I have not had the interest to read the whole thing, but from the contents of the last page it appears the argument is still somewhat stagnant so...

Good grief some parents today are ridiculous. Is it just me that remembers a time when children would in no way have the courage to kick an adult? Especially one who was not a close friend or relative?

My niece loves acting like a mini wrestler with my DH and her brothers but that is only because they are close family and it is very playfully done. Even then it is not kicking in the legs which I think is somewhat more aggressive.

OP the guy was unreasonable in his initial snap at your daughter for whining, but at the same time from the way you describe it I wouldn't be surprised if you say she was having a little whine session but was actually being incredibly testing on the mans patience. If you think her kicking an adult in the legs is ok then I can only assume you (like another parent who started a recent thread) cannot see your childrens behaviour the way others do because she is your child.

Frankly I think parents can be too soft nowadays and I certainly would not allow my child to kick another adult or child, even playfully.

Morning from the US

prettybird, i guess it is the way you have worded it and the word 'guru'.

But i know what you mean, i 've said many times on threads about parenting books that i prefer to take ideas from real life. After all i dont know if the author has children or how her/his children have turned out but i've got some friends and extended family with lovely grown up children. I wouldn't call them 'guru' and i dont copy their parenting but i take few ideas. I guess this is what you meant.

Btw 'creepy' was strong word imo. But then again on this thread everything is hugely enlarged

Lol @ the book 'The Shout'.

I'll accept the point about the use of the word "guru" - I've always used it in tongue on cheek sort of way - and never had anyone accuse me of being in a cult until now . I also talk about my parents being my gurus - but again no-one seems to be bothered by that.

There are certainly things that she did (and I chose to do as well) which some on here would be horrified at: for example never using a baby monitor (if a child is upset enough, then you'll hear them - but also, once you know that they are OK, that is what closed doors are for) or never having a stair gate (teaching them to use stairs safely).

There are other things that I wish I had had the discipline to follow through on (says I as I look at the chaos that is ds' bedroom): like, "tidy up your room and anything not tidied away will be going into a black bin bag and off to the women's shelter" She can be very ruthless disciplined! (although form the kids' perspective, I am sure it is :()

at Dandylioness and littlelapin.

Little do you know that said friend and I both used to own long red robes (we went to St Andrews University) And, IIRC, we used to occasionally burn incense in our rooms in student residence! I may even have had some floor cushions for when friends cam round to visit

In fact, I tried to find my red undergraduate gown when her ds went to St Andrews himself to study medicine but it must have gone to some other cult member it has disappeared.

Er, thats what i said. I didn't attack prettybird (i didn't say 'stop it' for example )

Or kick her in the shin

Evening from the UK, and hi Joy in the US.

Where is everyone else from?

Maybe this thread has become a cult - like the Hotel California. You can check out anytime but you can never leave.

I'm North London here :)

Animation Hello

I agree...

You are in the UK right?

Oh,yes of course you are ...I meant to ask what bit?

Generally of course

I couldn't possibly reveal the cult's my location

Evening North london!

Understand prettybird

i think he had a right to tell her off for kicking. or you should have done it.

And skyblue brings us quickly back to the topic on hand

Evening US :) (or is it morning?)
I don't mind revealing my location as I am a non kicker and I know no one would want to find me.