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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

oh shit oh shit oh shit

392 replies

ohmycrap · 18/06/2011 01:12

oh shit, just come in. bit drunk. did a pregnancy test which was left over from ages ago because i was a few days late didnt really think i was but i fucking am. oh fuck, oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.

OP posts:
MoreCrackThanHarlem · 18/06/2011 11:12

I agree with BoF, this is still a situation you can take control of. You are not helpless.

winnybella · 18/06/2011 11:13

Hmm, yes, but your existing children will feel the effects of your 'taking responsibility for your actions' rather keenly, won't they? 2 bedrooms, 5 people...Will you manage financially?

Original poster
ohmycrap · 18/06/2011 11:13

sorry i didnt see your apology befor i posted that. like i said there isnt a decision to make. just a freak out and a calm down.

OP posts:
Original poster
ohmycrap · 18/06/2011 11:15

we will cope winny.

OP posts:
MoreCrackThanHarlem · 18/06/2011 11:15

X posts

I think they were trying to be helpful, not unpleasant.
You have clearly made up your mind anyway.
I hope all goes well.

BitOfFun · 18/06/2011 11:15

Well, if that's how you took it, that's up to you. I was reacting to your rending of garments at the universe when you are in no position to have a baby yet haven't covered yourself properly contraception-wise. If you are utterly morally opposed to abotion,that leaves you feeling a bit helpless, doesn't it? Which is not especially adult in my view, but that was not the point I was making, that is by-the-by. My point being: this is your life, you are in charge, you are a grown woman capable of making decisions, not a leaf blowing in the wind.

BooBooGlass · 18/06/2011 11:19

But also practically- you haven't a hope in hell of being rehoused atm, even if they judge you to be inadequately housed. Housing benefits have just been capped, which I'm feeling the pinch of even in my small flat. Things aren't going to get easier under this government. There is no longer the £500 maternity grant. If I were you I'd speak to someone either at the job centre or CAB to find out the reality of the situation you're going to find yourself in. Beacuse in 9 months that's going to be where you find yourself.

CheerfulYank · 18/06/2011 11:20

I wouldn't be able to have an abortion either, OP. It would devastate me for the rest of my life. The right to choose means that, and if you are choosing to continue this pregnancy, well, congratulations. :)

Bearcrumble · 18/06/2011 11:20

Ohmycrap Just wanted to give you some support on your decision. You know what you are capable of, I'm sure you will be a great mother to the new one without it being detrimental to your current childen. I'm sorry so many people are being really quite cruel to you. Ignore them.

pink4ever · 18/06/2011 11:21

Sorry I dont get the whole lets not judge thing on mn! Its a pile of shite. I will judge you for having sex when you were on antibiotics and knew it would effect your contraception-that was just plain stupid!. I say this as someone who had an unplanned 3rd dc as dh refused to be responsible about using condoms!.
I wont judge you for your stance on abortion as thats entirely your choice. However a part of me is a bitHmm about this situation. Are you sure you didnt subconciously think oh feck it when you had unprotected sex as part of you saw it as a way of 1)either moving your relationship on or 2)ensuring your new partner sticks around?.
Either way I hope it works out for you-somehow.

lostinwales · 18/06/2011 11:23

Not sure if this is the time for this but.....

Congratulations! Look at how much you love your children, this time in 12 months you will have settled in to loving a fourth, you will cope, your children will cope. The next few weeks may be interesting but in 10 years time it will all be a distant memory and you will have a fabulous 9 year old you wouldn't be without. Good luck x

winnybella · 18/06/2011 11:31

Yes, you say you will cope, but by your own admission you're skint and you already have three children you're responsible for. Therefore having fourth in your circumstances will prevent you from potentially improving your and their life. I don't know whether you have a job or not, but if you don't have money you will not be able to afford childcare and work. Of course if you have family nearby who will take care of the child while you work it's perhaps a different matter. So yeah, you'll all survive, but... Anyway, good luck.

jugglingmug · 18/06/2011 11:37

ohmycrap - was very much like this when discovered was pg with DC3 (Day 6 of 7 week cycle with a condom should be safe in my view Confused). ex-H disappeared with another woman shortly after she was born, I have had a period of being very ill with an illness brought about by the pregnancy.

She is still the BEST thing that ever happened to our family...happy, hilarious and a hell of a lot of work Grin and I have no regrets that ex-H persuaded me not to have an abortion.

giggly · 18/06/2011 11:41

good reply ohmycrapSmile

FWIW iI thought my world had fallen apart with an unwanted/unexpected +ve, of course everything worked out. I always think that if you have half a brain and determination you can find a way to make life work.

I hope your time with your friend this afternon gives you focus and peace. Good luck with whatever you choose.

madhousewife · 18/06/2011 11:42

Wow, didn't realise there were three stances - prolife, pro choice and pro abortion! Can't believe some of you are trying to goad someone who has said they don't want an abortion into having one because timing is bad and times are tough!!

I'm judging you judging me judging you.

It's a bit of a shock OP but follow your heart and you'll be ok...

BitOfFun · 18/06/2011 12:03

I am certainly not saying that.

I am trying to point out that life is generally a process of choosing between Shitty Choice A and Shitty Choice B. You aren't really acting like a grown adult to just sleepwalk into decisions by default. You have to actually examine what are the likely consequences of your decisions and make them with your eyes open. I suppose I consider major life choices to be matters for the head more that the heart, although how you feel will be a factor in your decision-making process. Whatever you choose, when the situation is less than ideal, will require strength and determination, so you need to be sure that you are in that frame of mind, not just throw your hands up in the face of The Fates and assume that it will all come out in the wash. Not making a decision is still making a decision, IYSWIM.

I was trying to cut through the sense of panic in the OP and encourage some clear thinking, as she seemed to want some help. As my contribution is clearly unwelcome though, I will leave her to it and just wish her the best.

atswimtwolengths · 18/06/2011 14:43

For christ's sake, if you don't believe in abortion, you have to take contraception extremely seriously and don't have sex when you're at risk! I would have hated to have had an abortion so I made bloody sure I never had to have one - surely to god in these days that's not an impossible task?

youarekidding · 18/06/2011 15:13

My only child is now 6yo and somehow was meant to be here.

I was on pill and DP and I had been together 2 yrs. Had AB so used condoms for a month and 1 split. Took MAP and still had BFP. Confused

I am not against abortion but it is not something I could personally do - but idefense of people sometimes all the contraception in the world doesn't help..

OMCrap hope your feeling better today. I know this seems like a lot to take in - which it is - but just calmly sit down and work out housing, finace, tell DP and then see where you stand. Someone on MN said a few weeks ago a baby in its firs year doesn't cost a lot so maybe worth considering where you can be in 2 years time?

naturalbaby · 18/06/2011 15:19

Good luck Ohmycrap. my 3rd was unplanned and it took us 10weeks to tell everyone, few more weeks to come to terms with it and start feeling happy/positive. those first 10weeks were a horrendous emotional rollercoaster but we got through it and things are more positive than they were after dc2 arrived.

Gooseberrybushes · 18/06/2011 15:22

You chose this.

Gooseberrybushes · 18/06/2011 15:24

I find myself agreeing with BooBoo and Bof in the sentiment though I dislike abortion intensely. But the sentiment - that it is time to take control - is appropriate I think.

Original poster
ohmycrap · 18/06/2011 16:18

i am feeling cool now except for the occasional little head fuck when i think of something new that will crop up. i will tell him when i see him tomorrow so we can talk it through properly. thank you for all the advice even the ones that i didn't necessarily agree with and sorry if i seemed disingenuous but was having a hard time processing and felt a bit attacked, should have looked at it in a more detached way, thanks again really appreciate the help.

OP posts:
Pumpernickel10 · 18/06/2011 16:24

ohmycrap hope all goes well and wish you lots of luck :)

Gooseberrybushes · 18/06/2011 17:02

I wish your three children lots of luck.

hugeleyoutnumbered · 18/06/2011 17:13

leave it to certain mumsneters tio kick a girl when she's down, its done now, it will work out OP because it has to. good luck