oh shit oh shit oh shit

[ohmycrap]

oh shit, just come in. bit drunk. did a pregnancy test which was left over from ages ago because i was a few days late didnt really think i was but i fucking am. oh fuck, oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.

I'm not of the opinion that what happens was "meant to be" - it helps us deal with the unpredictability and randomness of life to see patterns and meaning in it. But it's crap.

It's not the best situation and I'm not dressing it up to be an unmitigated blessing.

Your posts and your tone though, gooseberrybushes are unpleasant and superior.

"I wish your three children lots of luck" has the implicit message that they're going to need it.

You haven't apologised to the OP for saying that there was a lack of contraception when in fact the antibiotics she was taking (whilst waiting to be sterilised) do not interact with the effectiveness of the pill (which is only 99% effective when taken correctly).

"She chose this. Everybody says "it's fine" and she may choose it again." She has chosen how to deal with the consequences of her contraception failing. She didn't choose to be in this situation in the first place. Hopefully the NHS will grant her the sterilisation that she had previously requested soon after the birth (or during if she has a caesarian).

It is rude and cruel to call someone "self indulgent, selfish and irresponsible... childish... like a teenager" when they are in a state of shock, very upset and looking for a bit of support (although I agree she would be better off not posting in AIBU but as she admits she was a bit drunk).

As an aside if you are so worried about the tax burden for people who work and support those who don't why not ask the government why they allow so many big companies to avoid paying UK tax? Perhaps you could go to the head offices of Vodafone and ask them why they are so irresponsible?

Yes - double standards and hypcrisy n the part of several posters on this thread. Not me.

It is hard to get a strong whiff of trying to persuade someone to have an abortion when from virtually their first post they expressed dislike of abortion and disagreement on the issue from people who were genuinely recommending its consideration.

Read what you like - or rather, don't read. You will jump to conclusions and make assumptions too, it seems. I am getting nothing out of diminishing anyone. I agree it does happen on mn - but I don't feel the need for it.

There is no need for an apology. It's questionable whether the AB's had a role or not: and in any case she was taking a conscious gamble - which she chose to take - and it is entirely serendipitous that they may not have been involved. That is definitely irresponsible. I do think her children need good wishes: the OP is going to be very ill with an unplanned pregnancy for the next eight months with a boyfriend who has previously expressed a wish for her to have an abortion. I did not bring up her financial support. Others have obsessed about it, and about me having an accident or my relatives having a stroke, to which I have responded. I have said nothing to imply that I am superior. If people infer it, I don't care.

The comment about the teenager is the only thing I regret posting.

Are you still going on Gooseberry? You really don't like to lose an argument do you?

Hiding thread now

Well, gooseberrybushes, whilst I am sure you are a model of perfection and are incapable of slip-ups, if it should ever happen that you make a mistake of any sort and are having a panic, I do hope you post on the "wrong forum" and receive the kind, measured treatment you have meted out here. What goes 'round comes 'round....

or rather, don't read

It's always worth checking the consistency of your own comprehension before presuming that it is others with the issue.

You said

It is hard to get a strong whiff of trying to persuade someone to have an abortion

When twice I have referred to a whiff of shaming her because she didn't consider abortion an option for her.

See here

I wouldn't say they have been trying to convince her to abort, however from my perspective there is a strong whiff of trying to shame her because she won't consider it.

and here

I did not say you were trying to shame her into having an abortion, I said there was a strong whiff of shaming her for not considering it

---

disagreement on the issue from people who were genuinely recommending its consideration

I think I was possibly the first person who mentioned abortion as an option. I tried to do so with empathy and my motivation came from the concern that she might feel she couldn't bring it up herself in the face of numerous (albeit well intentioned) congratulations.

I didn't do it on the basis that she is then obliged to give the option equal consideration, regardless of the fact that it flies in the face of her personal convictions. Had I been aware of her stance on abortion from the onset, I wouldn't have even brought it up.

Continuing to ask for consideration to be given to abortion when a woman has made it clear that it is not an option for her, is no less intrusive, self serving, insensitive and dogmatic than continuing ask for consideration to be given to keeping the baby\adoption when a woman has made it clear that they are not options for her.

I haven't continued to ask for consideration for it. I've only mentioned it to say I dislike it. You've pushed it more than I have.

I think you are confused, or getting desperate, or something. I haven't given a strong whiff of trying to shame her into considering it. You suggested it, not me. I dislike it. I don't think she should have one.

I said earlier I am absolutely not a model of perfection. But nobody's reading so why would you be an exception.

Many of you agree with me largely but cannot stand to say so, though some of you have managed it. The argument is coming from people usingterms like "vile, nasty, twat, bollocks, mental, nuts, nutbag etc etc." Many of you are hypocrites.

The fact that it occurs whichever poster it was as a "win or lose" argument indicates that you think you are engaged in a point scoring exercise.

Anyone remember the OP and the situation she finds herself in, or is it just about point scoring now?

Good luck ohmy hope it works out for you, ive been lurking since yesterday morning!

have only read first 4 pages Gooseberry dont you ever shut up????

Anyway OP congratulations.

follyfoot - you are totally right. Good luck OP I hope your man surprises you with his amazeballsness :D

2 hours to go, i am so freaking nervous. i am suppose to be tidying up but cant seem to concentrate on anything for longer than a few minutes, the other times i told my exh i was pregnant it was all ok cool. i knew how he would react. this is mental, could be the nicotine withdrawal as well

Good luck OMC, hope everything goes better than you're thinking it will

It takes two to tango!

I'd expect an "oh crap" phase from him too tbh so don't be disappointed when this happens. Once it's sunk in a little, just be clear that while you know it's not ideal, you don't wish to have an abortion and let him come to terms with it in his own time imho.

Best of luck OMC.

I've only mentioned it to say I dislike it.

It was somewhat more ambiguous than that.

This is what you said

I find myself agreeing with BooBoo and Bof in the sentiment though I dislike abortion intensely. But the sentiment - that it is time to take control - is appropriate I think.

That statement is open to interpretation as to what your position is, in terms of the need to at least give full consideration to abortion regardless of personal sentiments.

Given your clarification I'd say the whiff is more one of making the most of an opportunity to continuously berate\shame a women for getting pregnant. Right at the moment when she is most vulnerable, easiest to wound and least able to put up a vigorous defense. Coupled with a firm stance of having little regret for anything said, despite info now available to you that does not point to a risk of recurrence and throws doubt on her culpability given that the initial self blame was based on inaccurate information regarding the pill and ABs.

OP

Good luck with your partner. It might help to know that the first reaction is not always fixed. My husband was on a see saw and went back and forth a bit for weeks. So allow some time for him to process and don't bank on an initial favorable response remaining steadfast, nor presume a rejection at first to be the final word. He could go round in circles for a bit.

Hope for the best, plan for the worst, and try to find some external support that can remain constant in a difficult time if you can.

All the best from somebody who has been where you are.

Good luck telling your bf ohmy.

Hope you're doing ok.

I just joined mumsnet today. Saw this post and didnt want to read and run. Good luck to the op, hope all goes how you want it today. I cant believe some people are being so judgmental on here.Not sure i will be back.

Hi sue30! I think some people like to troll the AIBU threads as they feel the forum title gives them a mandate to put on their judging hats no matter the circumstances or whether they were actually asked to opinionate or not (it doesn't, one of the nastier posts earlier was taken down at MN towers) - have a look at the other boards before you jump ship altogether. Mumsnet's a fairly big place there are lots of lovely people and threads.

Hope today goes ok OP.

Good Luck OMC!

Either way, at the end of this, there will be another little body for you to love! XXXXXXXXXX

Thinking of you OP!

My aunt and uncle have 6 DC and she owns up to one of them, "maybe two", being antibiotic babies. :)