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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

oh shit oh shit oh shit

392 replies

ohmycrap · 18/06/2011 01:12

oh shit, just come in. bit drunk. did a pregnancy test which was left over from ages ago because i was a few days late didnt really think i was but i fucking am. oh fuck, oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.

OP posts:
Gooseberrybushes · 19/06/2011 00:20

I haven't hinted that he will vamoose - I have hoped he will not.

Howling : since you have all followed the lead of the poster who was talking about "fucking support" and become utterly obsessed by state finance, I will say this. I highly doubt the OP's children will be supporting me in my dotage. Indeed, my parents and my husband's parents (in their seventies and nearly eighties) are still supporting the OP and her children and probably will be until they die. Do not assume they are wealthy: assume they were thrifty and responsible.

Math: you make too many assumptions and haven't read my posts.

mathanxiety · 19/06/2011 00:24

Maybe the most charitable response to that is that English is not your first language, Gooseberrybushes.

To express the hope that the BF will not leave is to suggest that he will.

AgentZigzag · 19/06/2011 00:28

'since you have all followed the lead of the poster who was talking about "fucking support" and become utterly obsessed by state finance, I will say this.'

Stop trying to make it seem as though other posters are forcing you to spout your opinions on the details you've made up in your head about the OP.

Nobody's obsessed about state finance on this thread, they just don't think it's relevant or appropriate and are picking you up on it when you bring the subject up.

Nibledbyducks · 19/06/2011 00:36

"I highly doubt the OP's children will be supporting me in my dotage."

Based on what evidence?, (and I don't mean generalised statistics).

Gooseberrybushes · 19/06/2011 00:36

I did not bring it up. Someone else not reading. In fact I have repeatedly said I don't care and that the children should have what they need. Other people have obsessed about it. Not me.

Gooseberrybushes · 19/06/2011 00:37

There's anecdote, or there's statistics. Which do you want ducks? I gave anecdote, and you don't want statistics.

Gooseberrybushes · 19/06/2011 00:38

I can understand why you don't want statistics though.

Salmotrutta · 19/06/2011 00:39

Hijack alert!! Oooh Howling - I do believe I read some Robin Hobb many moons ago. And actually I love wolf stuff - beautiful animals.

Gooseberry - I too have aged parents and MIL who have paid their taxes (as I do and my DH). I know my folks don't have a narrow-minded attitude because they appreciate the value of support. They had tragedies and traumas in their families back in the 1940s when there was no state support so they would never dream of denying help to people now.
They experienced death of family members from illness before the advent of the NHS and knew how their grandparents had to keep working because they had no pensions.
So don't you dare think that all older people would have the attitude that some folks shouldn't be helped. That may be the case with the older people you know but not with those I know (even my MIL who I don't get on with and who is a bit nutty Hmm)

Gooseberrybushes · 19/06/2011 00:40

Is that the best you can come up with as vile, nasty and mental? I don't think your posts on this thread have been well thought out and I know for a fact that you haven't read mine. I don't spout: I read and respond. Others have spouted.

Gooseberrybushes · 19/06/2011 00:41

My parents and my husband's parents don't have that attitude either, and nor do I. I was told the children would probably be supporting me in my dotage. The likelihood is that they will not. Please don't dare me. It is pointless. I am unsentimental.

Salmotrutta · 19/06/2011 00:43

Sorry - I doubt my post makes any sense but I'm righteously pissed off with Gooseberry who has a pole up her/his bum!!

Gooseberrybushes · 19/06/2011 00:44

As I say, I'm reassured that those who believe this situation to be not ideal have not had to resort to abuse.

xstitch · 19/06/2011 00:44

Its true they now say that antibiotics shouldn't affect the pill (except rifampacin). The pill is never 100% effective anyway so could still fail. Its just one of those things. My MIL fell pregnant on the pill twice without antibiotics or missing anything.

I know its difficult when you have had the shock of the news and your hormones are all over the place but don't be too hard on yourself. Things will all work out in the end.

HowlingBitch · 19/06/2011 00:48

I was not referring to supporting you in your "dotage" I meant if there was an accident that left you or someone in your family disabled, You are made redundant and unable to pay your bills etc (Again god forbid). Life isn't so black and white and I think you should consider this before you start judging others on YOUR experiences in life. You come across as very self centered IMO.

Nibledbyducks · 19/06/2011 00:48

I don't want statistics as they will certainly not be relevant to the OP's circumstances given her ongoing education, (unless you can point me to data that provides for that?) and you didn't provide and anecdote only an opinion with no basis in fact. Whether or not you believe the OP was irresponsible, you are coming across to many on the thread as rather haughty and not particularly compassionate, qualities that need not be displayed solely because the forum is labelled "Am I Being Unreasonable".

Salmotrutta · 19/06/2011 00:48

I wasn't daring you - I said don't dare think that all older people had the attitude that people shouldn't be helped. Is that clear now?
And FYI - I'm about the most unsentimental person I know. I don't do emotion but what I can do is have empathy. An emotionaly intelligent person can put themselves in another's shoes.
But some people clearly can't do that...............

AgentZigzag · 19/06/2011 00:48

You'll have to say which poster each of your negative posts are aimed at gooseberry, it's getting hard to guess.

mathanxiety · 19/06/2011 00:51

Gooseberrybushes, glad you and the elderly people you know will never have a stroke or need round the clock skilled nursing care any time in the future, because that can get expensive, and fast.

Nibledbyducks · 19/06/2011 00:52

Mine was sticks hand in air earnestly

Gooseberrybushes · 19/06/2011 00:54

"And support an aging population while you're utterly dependant upon others in your declining years."

It was Honey.

I am not self-centred. I expect nothing. If you are suggesting that this is not irresponsible because I may one day have a life-threatening accident I believe this to be a misplaced logic.

There are working poor who cannot afford to have more children and I doubt the tax burden is helping them. I think it is considerably more self-centred not to be concerned about this.

It is deeply sentimental not to be pragmatic about this. There is a difference between sentiment and compassion.

I can't do anything about the haughtiness: I don't really care about that.

Nibledbyducks · 19/06/2011 00:56

And to OP, I've been where you are, and now she's 5 beautiful, and peacefully sleeping upstairs. She's also doted on by all three of her older brothers. Congratulations, good luck with the sickness (been there too), you can always take out your frustration on anyone who suggests ginger biscuits :)

Gooseberrybushes · 19/06/2011 00:57

Math your "gladness" is misplaced. Another assumption: you are acquiring quite a collection.

It is within my experience. Care is being paid for by an elderly spouse.

Nibledbyducks · 19/06/2011 01:00

Gooseberry

"It is deeply sentimental not to be pragmatic about this. There is a difference between sentiment and compassion."

true, but it's quite possible to be pragmatic and compassionate!

"I can't do anything about the haughtiness: I don't really care about that."

Yes, you're making that quite clear.

So if you want to be pragmatic, what practical advice are you going to offer? because so far you have only offered your opinion.

Gooseberrybushes · 19/06/2011 01:05

There is no practical advice to offer, apart from dealing with a fourth pregnancy. I approve of the right to choose but dislike abortion intensely and would advise no one what action to take about an unplanned pregnancy. Financially she will be looked after. My opinion is one of pragmatism: this is not ideal, it is irresponsible. The OP knows this: others have said it is not irresponsible and I have responded.

The repeated pleas of support are rather hypocritical, for reasons I put down earlier.

Nibledbyducks · 19/06/2011 01:12

Gooseberry,
I agree that it is not ideal, but would counter that it would have been irresponsible to plan a baby in these circumstances, which the OP did not do. It has been explained that the OP was using contraception and also that antibiotics would not have been an issue.
As far as I can see the situation could have been avoided if the OP had not had sex, but given she was using a form of contraception general considered to be quite safe, obviously due to her epilepsy on medical advice I think she was actually acting in quite a responsible manner.