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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

oh shit oh shit oh shit

392 replies

ohmycrap · 18/06/2011 01:12

oh shit, just come in. bit drunk. did a pregnancy test which was left over from ages ago because i was a few days late didnt really think i was but i fucking am. oh fuck, oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.

OP posts:
HowlingBitch · 19/06/2011 01:13

Gooseberry Sorry if you have mentioned it before but may I ask how many DC do you have? (This is not ill intent it is just curiosity)

AgentZigzag · 19/06/2011 01:13

So going on your last post gooseberry (at 01:05) it's not what you're saying that's getting peoples backs up, it's the way you're saying it.

Everyone is entltled to their opinion and threads do go off at a tangent, but you just sound really prickly and not trying to find any common ground with anyone else on the thread.

Why would you choose that posting style over a more compassionate one?

Gooseberrybushes · 19/06/2011 01:42

Why do you want to know Howling?

Agent: on the contrary: I have stated several times my opinion on abortion and that the children should provided for. It seems a number of people agree it is not ideal and irresponsible to be lax about pregnancy. There is a great deal of common ground. I am unsentimental and am not abusive. There is no common ground there.

HowlingBitch · 19/06/2011 02:18

I would just like to know your personal perspective on the subject of children.

Gooseberrybushes · 19/06/2011 02:50

I don't know what you mean, I don't see the point and I don't want to say. We had the children we could afford. They are nice. I am fortunate: they are healthy. I love them. That is it.

mathanxiety · 19/06/2011 04:08

Do you not think OMC is fortunate too?

differentnameforthis · 19/06/2011 05:35

i over reacted to the situation because i was inebriated

Many true feeling are said/displayed whilst drunk.....

CheerfulYank · 19/06/2011 06:20

In what way are these comments helpful now, Goseberry ?

Bearcrumble · 19/06/2011 08:19

In my opinion it's irresponsible to get pregnant on purpose in order to get benefits/housing,but this is not what happened with omc - she had a contraceptive failure.

She's not massively happy about being pregnant but |she seems fairly sensible and I expect she will manage and the baby will be well loved and happy. She couldn't abort and I understand her position. She obviously cares about learning as she's studying herself and will, I fully expect, be a supportive parent when it comes to her children's education. I think they probably will grow up to work/pay taxes, Gooseberry but like you I can only guess at what the future holds.

She is a human being and she is reading this. You aren't showing any humanity. Your tone is intended to be hurtful to her. You are disingenuous when you say you haven't been insulting.

Bearcrumble · 19/06/2011 08:21

and Howling Bitch - funnily enough I am reading Assassin's Quest at the moment and got to the page where the wold calls Starling that last night.

bubbleymummy · 19/06/2011 08:38

Only a few pages in but I am completely shocked that so many people are trying to convince the OP to have an abortion when she has stated that she does not agree with it and does not want one! I know how this thread would go if it was the other way around! I'm afraid that this has confirmed my worst suspicions about some people on mumsnet who seem only to eager to encourage other people to abort to help justify their own decisions or their own pov. Unfortunately they are the same people who dominate most of the 'surprise/unplanned/unwanted pregnancy' threads. :(

OMC, I wish you the very best of luck and I hope you can get some good support in real life to help you through. Take care of yourself and your new little one. Congratulations! :)

honeyandsalt · 19/06/2011 08:44

Gooseberrybushes - are you still calling the OP "lax"? Did you miss the part where someone pointed out that antibiotics don't affect the pill, and the OP said she was on a double dose? She made every reasonable precaution, and frankly I think you owe her an apology.

TitsalinaBumSquash · 19/06/2011 08:47

Don't have an abortion of you don't agree with it, worst mistake you will ever make. Trust me. :(

CrapolaDeVille · 19/06/2011 09:38

bubbley......same same isn't it? Telling someone to abort who doesn't want to is not as shameful as telling someone that abortion is murder when they have decided to do it, but it's for NOONE to 'tell' either way.

fastweb · 19/06/2011 09:43

that so many people are trying to convince the OP to have an abortion when she has stated that she does not agree with it and does not want one

I wouldn't say they have been trying to convince her to abort, however from my perspective there is a strong whiff of trying to shame her because she won't consider it.

A tactic I normally associate with PL not PC, and I am for one am not at all happy at the idea that my "side" may see value in taking a leaf out of the opposition's book.

Original poster
ohmycrap · 19/06/2011 09:51

thanks everyone for your support and words of kindness, he is coming round at 4.30 today and i will tell him then. will let you know how it plays out.

OP posts:
Gooseberrybushes · 19/06/2011 09:52

If you are referring to me, I am not interested in trying to shame someone into having an abortion.

Some of the hypocrisy on this thread is unbelievable. The last time I had a "conversation" with some of the posters they were singing the praises of the famed mn directness and straight-talking. And, incidentally, advising people who don't like "straight talking" to leave the forum and go to netmums.

It seems that that only works if the "straight talking" chimes with a certain view and is abusive along with it.

I am not abusive: if you want a definition of straight-talking this is it. Perhaps "hun" and sentimentality is quite the thing here after all.

Gooseberrybushes · 19/06/2011 09:53

Even from me you can expect good wishes and profound hopes that it goes well. I have no wish to dress it up further.

breadandbutterfly · 19/06/2011 09:55

Am so unbelievably shocked at the rudeness, callousness and - yes, downright cruelty of some of the posters on this thread.

I've had a couple of unplanned preganancies, like the OP abortion was just not an option for me, and all 3 of my dcs ar 100% loved and wanted - and I believe very strongly were not naccidents in the sense that they were meant to be there. |The OP may not have planned this baby but it was clearly meant to be - to appear despite all those efforts! - and the OP sounds very sorted and in a good place.

Sorry the preganancy is not your thing, but am very excited for you and your kids at the new addition to your family. Hope you OH is supportive - he my surprise you by being pleased once he gets his head round it. Or he may not. But a baby is always a blessing.

:)

Original poster
ohmycrap · 19/06/2011 09:56

oh shit its father's day, the irony.

OP posts:
Gooseberrybushes · 19/06/2011 09:57

There is no rudeness and no cruelty. There is directness. "An extra bub is a glass half full" is tedious sentimentality in the extreme. If that is what you want, there are forums where it is commonplace. Or so I've been told, several times in fact.

winnybella · 19/06/2011 10:02

Oh, it is Father's Day today, indeed Grin. Hope the talk goes well OP.

fastweb · 19/06/2011 10:15

If you are referring to me, I am not interested in trying to shame someone into having an abortion

I was referring to you, however I did not say you were trying to shame her into having an abortion, I said there was a strong whiff of shaming her for not considering it.

Only you know what is going on in your head and the thought process that resulted in your words. However it might be worth leaving room for the possibility that your message or tone is not coming across as you intended.

Directness; straight talking; speaking frankly; telling it how it is, are all too often claimed as positive qualities, when in fact people are getting something out of diminishing somebody else.

IMO you have been coming across as the latter, whether you intended to or not.

If you want to put that down to me being more suited for netmums that is your call.

honeyandsalt · 19/06/2011 10:20

So gooseberry, you having a pop at a woman in crisis is "straight talking", others tell you how unpleasant you're being and that's "abuse". Riiiiiight, well, glad we got that straightened out then. Double standards much?

ReindeerBollocks · 19/06/2011 10:22

Good luck this afternoon OP.