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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my DS should have been the "Shining Star" once by now

80 replies

justonemorethen · 17/06/2011 14:52

My DS is in year 2. The school does a "Shining star" every week for one member of class that's done well. It appears to be for both behaviour and achievements in their work.
So far my son has not been the Shining Star once despite only having 22 in the class.
In addition they have a take a bear home thing where one child gets to take the bear for the weekend and record what they did. I asked in Feb why we hadn't had it. It appears that whoever wrote the class list in September for the recording book had left my son off and no one had noticed!
I went into school a few weeks ago and asked how they did "Shining star" awards. His teacher said they have a list and everyone would have a turn so not to worry.I mentioned my concern with their lists. I have just checked and he still isn't SS this week with only 5 weeks left to go.
I am flipping furious that he has been left out.He gets so excited on Fridays and is getting really upset that he never gets the star and thinks that it's because he is rubbish at school
Surely the point is to motivate children. Therefore the chance that you could get it twice would be better served if everyone had had got it at least once before the summer term?

OP posts:

MumblingRagDoll · 17/06/2011 14:55

Have all the others been the star yet? Or is DS one of the last? Somone has to be last....I think that if when there is 1 or 2 weeks to go he has not been it yet then go in again and explain that he is worried about it.

ZombiePlan · 17/06/2011 15:24

Has anyone had bear or star twice yet?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 17/06/2011 15:36

Did you tell the teacher that your ds is beginning to become demotivated?

If he's not on the list next week, I'd have another word with the teacher and I'd ask how many children have been 'recognised' twice.

What happens when end of term is on a Friday? Does the SS get to take teddy home for the holidays?

Original poster

justonemorethen · 17/06/2011 15:39

Of course some have had it twice. There are only 22 in the class and we are on week 32 or something. He not stupid either.If he gets in the last week he'll know that he only got it because he never earned it all year.
I'm also hacked off because if I have to keep asking it's because I asked, not because DS has done anything worthwhile.
And before anyone says it..DS got sent sent round the school to show everyone his excellent handwriting so it's not as if he's never done anything worthwhile.

OP posts:

TheFlyingOnion · 17/06/2011 16:05

shining stars aren't for doing anything worthwhile anyway, if its all fixed and everyone gets a turn.

I had a parent ask me about "star of the week" this week too. Yes, surprise surprise the child always works hard, is well behaved and produces fab work, and feels like its only the "naughty" kids that get awards.

She's actually wrong, because mine is on a rota too, but her perception is the reason I have weaned mine off stickers...

Andrewofgg · 17/06/2011 19:56

Sorry, but if others are doing more "shiningly" than your DS and he gets the Star that might demotivate them!

"Everybody has won, and all must have prizes".

PinotsKittens · 17/06/2011 20:12

My DS1 has always been a very smart child and is in G&T etc etc...he had to wait until 3 weeks before the end of the school year before getting the "Workers Cup" as the teacher told me they didn't need to encourage him as much as the others as he was reaching standards already.

FFS!

I hate those things.

wildspinning · 17/06/2011 20:21

Same situation here as OP and PinotsKittens. At parents' evening the teachers said "your DS could have the star of the week award every week" and smiled

But not once has he had it!

There are only a few weeks left to go so he may not get it at all. I know they have to encourage those who don't work so hard but it annoys me. I haven't raised it with the teachers since parents' evening. But maybe I should!

MumblingRagDoll · 17/06/2011 20:24

Thinking about it OP you should let it go....DS will manage....my DD never gets "Player of the Week" in PE...she eventually got it last week and was so pleased....she doesnt try hard in PE....but that week she did....maybe these awards are best given when earned? think there's too many of these "Star of the week" things...maybe a rarer award would be more coveted and more realistic.

Happymm · 17/06/2011 20:28

Same here with DD-has never ever got to the sunshine on the board, always just below, even though she says she works extra hard once she's there so she can move up, but no, she never gets there. And then they start over the next day and move her back to the middle again. And on we go. Waste of time, and works really well at demotivating those who work well, and would actually appreciate a bit of a well done every now and again.

And don't start me on the pat on back weekly award! The only time they gave DD one was when she wasn't in assembly as she was being made to practice a dance routine for the umpteenth time

merlincat · 17/06/2011 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 17/06/2011 20:38

Not really a helpful comment there merlincat, and something that could be said of 90% of the threads on MN.

It sounds to me like it's an oversight by the school rather than them doing it on purpose (which would be very unlikely and totally counterproductive).

thelittlefriend · 17/06/2011 20:43

How is somebodies child being made to feel demotivated "bloody trivia" merlincat? Is that what you would tell a child of yours if it was happening to them?

merlincat · 17/06/2011 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

justonemorethen · 17/06/2011 20:51

That's merlincat - after working with special needs children for many years I am indeed grateful he doesn't have any. He plays with both the children who have special needs next door and fully realises that he is indeed lucky.
However doesn't really address his needs though does it.
I would be quite happy if it just given out for outstanding work. It's a bit bloody annoying if it's done by a list and he still doesn't get a sodding star. Glad to know it's not just our school though.

OP posts:

MumblingRagDoll · 17/06/2011 20:53

merlincat...kids in private schools have had prizes for YEARS whereas state schools never recognized any achivements at all....I think they have it all wrong though...too many and too often.

thelittlefriend · 17/06/2011 20:56

merlincat - no, we didn't have to be 'motivated' like this. However, it is not op's sons fault that his school operates an award system. He does not know any different and will feel demotivated and probably pretty crap if he is the only one not getting the award.

AgentZigzag · 17/06/2011 20:56

No we weren't all motivated like this as children merlincat, yes we survived, but with the motivation we could have achieved so much more.

It's about being valued as a child, and that applies to children who have SN as well as those who don't.

In the OPs case, she feels her DS is being treated in an unfair way, and who amongst us wouldn't get pissed off at that?

I bloody would.

thelittlefriend · 17/06/2011 20:58

I think AgentZ has put what I was trying to say better than me

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 17/06/2011 21:01

Hear, hear, ZigZag.

peeriebear · 17/06/2011 21:01

When I was at school, if we worked hard and did a good piece of work we would get a merit. If you got five (or some sum) you would go to the head and he would sign your book and give you a gold star. There was no competition between pupils. Now DD1 attends the same school I did, and though they still give merits they have them all displayed on a big chart on the classroom wall! I think it's a horrible way to make them competitive and it's so easy to see who has the least and single them out. At parents' evening the discussions are held in the classroom so all the parents can scrutinise the chart too. I didn't like it much really.

Goblinchild · 17/06/2011 21:02

I write the class names on all my merit certificates at the beginning of the term, and I show the children the file.
I say that there is a special certificate for all of them, but I need to have a reason to give it to them. They are presented in assembly.
It is very motivational, both as a reminder for me, and that many of the children start to work hard on recognising the good points of children who haven't won one by the last month of term and tell me.
If you run a school scheme of behaviour and reward, everyone needs to feel involved and that they have a chance.

IDrinkFromTheirSkulls · 17/06/2011 21:07

YANBU, I can see how it can upset a little boy when he can see everyone else being rewarded (sometimes twice!) and he hasn't had the special reward from the teacher even once. It's not about "everyone being included" it's about 1 child feeling unappreciated!

NettleTea · 17/06/2011 21:22

My DD is year 5 and despite all teachers commenting on what a pleasure she is to teach, what good manners, etc she has never had the politeness cup. There are 100 pupils at the school. Some have had the cup several times. The ones who bullied her have had it. She commented that the ones who get it are the ones who creep to the teachers and then are nasty when they are not looking, and she knows it is supposed to represent behaviour that has improved, but when I go to their celebration assemblies I always see her with a little look of hope on her face when they are chosing one from her class....... Last year she thought she might get something - she was in hospital for 2 weeks but came out for sports day with a long line in her leg and bandaged/canula-ed foot, won the egg and spoon race, came second in the 50meters, and still not a mention. Im not in the PTA though, so dont know if that makes a difference!!

mrsruffallo · 17/06/2011 21:28

I would talk to the teacher again. This happens to my dc on a regular basis- they are quiet and hard working. I wouldn't hesitate to mention the fact it is upsetting your child to the headteacher either.

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