To think my DS should have been the "Shining Star" once by now

[justonemorethen]

My DS is in year 2. The school does a "Shining star" every week for one member of class that's done well. It appears to be for both behaviour and achievements in their work.
So far my son has not been the Shining Star once despite only having 22 in the class.
In addition they have a take a bear home thing where one child gets to take the bear for the weekend and record what they did. I asked in Feb why we hadn't had it. It appears that whoever wrote the class list in September for the recording book had left my son off and no one had noticed!
I went into school a few weeks ago and asked how they did "Shining star" awards. His teacher said they have a list and everyone would have a turn so not to worry.I mentioned my concern with their lists. I have just checked and he still isn't SS this week with only 5 weeks left to go.
I am flipping furious that he has been left out.He gets so excited on Fridays and is getting really upset that he never gets the star and thinks that it's because he is rubbish at school
Surely the point is to motivate children. Therefore the chance that you could get it twice would be better served if everyone had had got it at least once before the summer term?

I just love how we are teaching our children to look for self worth in other's judgements. How can we start teaching our children to believe in themselves?

Of course the most important thing is self motivation ans high self esteem. I would actually ban all of these prizes, I think they do more harm than good. However,
I would speak to the teacher if my child reached the end of the academic year and had noticed they hadn't received a prize that was given out weekly. That's just not fair, especially when you witness the less well behaved children being rearded on a regular basis.

My DD didnt get the award either. I think today was the last day she could have received it, as next Friday will be the last friday of term and I don't think you would get to keep it all summer.

She has tried all summer term to please the teacher all for a silly prize - but turns out she needed have bothered.

She is 7, and she knows everyone else has got it - her best friend got it the first week, and again a couple of weeks ago.

Perhaps it is an oversight - but if you're going to have the stupid award, at least be fair handing it out.

I am going to point it out to the teacher next week - and strike her of the getting a present at the end of term list.

I can see what you're saying madhousewife, but like it or not, other peoples judgement of you does matter a lot of the time.

It's about being part of a team and that team keeping you motivated when you're flagging.

Other people thinking highly of you or rewarding your hard work can make you believe in yourself.

I don't like the 'everyone gets a prize' type of competition in that people need a goal to aim for (to be first), but in trying to reduce the deflation some DC can feel when they seem to 'fail' at everything, I'm just glad they're trying to turn that around.

The amount of sucessful and happy people who were written off at school are numerous, anything to try and include them gets my vote.

Why do you have to be "fair" handing it out-maybe some don't deserve it! DD was adept at winning Form Prize so the criteria were changed and she was not allowed to win. The boy who was awarded the prize went to the form teacher and said "I think you have made a mistake; Mini-Jonnyfan deserves this prize, we all know she is the best."

OP I feel for you, it is all so silly but at the same time heartbreaking. If it continues your child will have to grow up like mine did - me " You haven't had any certificates for ages" - him (age 6) "duh, they only give those to people who need them".
Ended up moving schools.

goblinchild That is genius. DS school does smile awards and for some reason the same children seem to get them repeatedly. I bet if DS knew he would get one for working hard he would find a reason. ATM he just says he's not a child who gets them even when he does do good work. (unfortunatly he is way above in maths and below in Lit and always has been so no reason stand out reason for him receiving one iyswim?)

My DS has the wall chart thingy. Starts on smiley face and goes up to WOW. Goes down to warning, sad face and then really sad face. So its easier to be bad than good iyswim?

DS school and friends school (shes a teacher) do star of the week. That is though the child who goes first in the queue, gets 5 minutes to tell their news to class, does register etc. Its on a rota.

verity so true - am in the middle of a bit of a giant row with ds4's school - they admit their error but ....
however he came home happily clutching his star of the week bit of paper, I asked why he had got it and it was "for improvement in attitude towards mental maths"
(i'm not that bl**dy thick dear school)

Yep, the only time in year 1 DS got a smile award was after I went in to speak to a teacher as DS was having trouble with another boy who had cornered DS, and DS got into trouble for pushing this boy away. The teacher told me 'but x is such a lovely boy' to which I replied 'are you insinuating DS isn't and a 6yo boy whos tailing another and cornering them calling them a buttclench isn't nice IMO'. I said maybe she needed to look at DS (5 at the time) lovely points as all though he isn't perfect he had owned up to the pushing and been honest.

Cue the next day DS coming home with a letter to say he was getting a smile ward - for progress in reading and maths.

Who cares, you know that he is doing really well and that is all that matters, these prizes are often given to children to motivate them, where there is a real need, teacher clearly feels that your son is is motivated enough is doing well in the class setting. Try to disperse too much talk about this subject with him and tell him that he is doing very well and does not need a star to prove it, sometimes children pick on ours needs and wishes and try to please us to the point where it is start to create pressure on there young minds.

YANBU. I really hate all this "star of the week" stuff. DD1 cottoned on pretty quickly that the "bad boy" in the class got it twice before she or her friends even had a sniff at it, and we had a chat about why he might need more motivation than her (which she understood, totally, but was still hankering after that elusive reward)

I think most teachers do try to make sure everyone gets a turn, and some kids probably do need more motivation than others. I do sometimes get sad on my kids behalf, but I also don't think that the idea that life sometimes isn't fair, and you can't always be a winner is too harsh a lesson- they always get praise and recognition from me, and I am quick to pas on good comments from their teachers/ report cards so they know that their teachers think a lot of them, even if they don't get the award.

NightKich - and that the <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=www.apfn.org/apfn/tcrime.gif&imgrefurl=www.apfn.org/apfn/1984.htm&usg=__RIa-7ZktnkLZkub5oDKYFHWg5cM=&h=230&w=330&sz=42&hl=en&start=40&zoom=1&tbnid=1OlNznN__HMXKM:&tbnh=158&tbnw=227&ei=u8n7Tde8HImdOpL52fsJ&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dgeorge%2Borwell%2Bboot%2Bhuman%2Bface%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26biw%3D1146%26bih%3D697%26tbm%3Disch&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=842&vpy=375&dur=5991&hovh=184&hovw=264&tx=111&ty=115&page=3&ndsp=13&ved=1t:429,r:12,s:40&biw=1146&bih=697" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">jackboot of authority will always be one step away from stamping all over your DCs faces, crushing their spirit and free will as they attempt to achieve the fruitless illusion of happiness.

Why not tell them Father Christmas died in a horrible sleighing collision with a chimney while you're at it

merit awards are a load of bollocks.

Best they learn this young.

Our school has a Star of the Week board outside my boy's classroom. In nearly two years he's been on it once. I work in school and when I walk by have a fancy to stick his photo on it :)

If it's between merit awards and getting 'six of the best' with a wooden bat or whacked over the hand with a hard plastic ruler Onion, I know which I'd go for.

I don't want the same kind of primary school that I had for my DDs.

would parents rather there were no rewards systems at all?

genuine question...

I don't understand why everyone thinks that every child has to have a turn at shiny star
as for the bear, just think yourself lucky you haven't copped for that!

theflyingonion, merits will come into it's own in secondary school, where they hold value and indicate to your child and you how well they are doing with there rather important and complicated subjects. They will not be silly stickers and funny faces, but rather valuable comments made by the teacher indicating the progress within the subject in prep. for Gcsc, until then enjoy your children carefree years and help them be and stay stress free beings.

so if we have no merits we never reward?

or we reward one child and have 29 thinking "why not me?"

not rewarding anyone seems counter intuitive.

i reward star of the week, but tbh causes more problems than it solves

My DD has missed her turn for all the award-type things and the bring-stuff-home-type things because she has been ill and had quite a lot of time off school. It rankles a bit that she's missing out because of a medical condition which is not her fault at all, but she doesn't seem too bothered so I've let it go.

We reward for excellent work, for kindness, kind gesture, child who deserved it that week, other will have to work harder and harder until they get recognition, that it that.

yanbu(and I have a child who has sn as well as an sn child , just saying cos of the snide remark earlier)
ds(nt) was one of those middle of the class kids that never got noticed, the only time he got a sodding mention in assembly was when I asked why he hadn't.
so don't let it go, your kids will remember these things, so at least they will remember it was unfair, but mum said something