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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my DS should have been the "Shining Star" once by now

80 replies

justonemorethen · 17/06/2011 14:52

My DS is in year 2. The school does a "Shining star" every week for one member of class that's done well. It appears to be for both behaviour and achievements in their work.
So far my son has not been the Shining Star once despite only having 22 in the class.
In addition they have a take a bear home thing where one child gets to take the bear for the weekend and record what they did. I asked in Feb why we hadn't had it. It appears that whoever wrote the class list in September for the recording book had left my son off and no one had noticed!
I went into school a few weeks ago and asked how they did "Shining star" awards. His teacher said they have a list and everyone would have a turn so not to worry.I mentioned my concern with their lists. I have just checked and he still isn't SS this week with only 5 weeks left to go.
I am flipping furious that he has been left out.He gets so excited on Fridays and is getting really upset that he never gets the star and thinks that it's because he is rubbish at school
Surely the point is to motivate children. Therefore the chance that you could get it twice would be better served if everyone had had got it at least once before the summer term?

OP posts:
TheFlyingOnion · 18/06/2011 00:01

either its unfair, or its fixed.

whats the point?

startail · 18/06/2011 00:52

These things cause far more trouble than they are worth and are given out at endless assembly that, as a SAHM, I feel I ought to go to.
DF's DD finally got a certificate a couple of weeks ago (lovely middle of the road child). DD2 quite often gets them, sometimes the vague being a star one, but most often for excellent literacy*. Last term she got both on the same day (OK that was because she'd been ill and missed collecting one the week before), but DF had just been saying her DD had not had any Blush
*Of course I'm glad she is good at literacy, but she is genetically good at it - no effort required.

veritythebrave · 18/06/2011 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Foxy800 · 18/06/2011 08:42

Hi there,

OP you little one is not the only one. In my daughter's school they do star of the week in every class, my dd is in reception but dd has never been once been it.

Personally I dont like it, dd is being tested for special needs abd it feels like to me she isnt getting it because she isnt the same as the others.

Having said that there are a lot in her class that are not being tested for special needs but have not got it, I dont like it as I feel it can de-motivate the children that never get it.

My dd has never yet mentioned the fact she hasnt got it so I havent said anything but it must be hard for children who are aware they are not getting it.

OP and anyone else child who hasnt had it, hope your little ones get it soon.x

muminthemiddle · 18/06/2011 09:04

Op YANBU
If the teacher has said everyone gets it then your ds should surely be next.
I felt the same with my ds and mentioned it to the teacher too. He eventually did get it. I don't think he was a shining star that stood out or a disruptive kid who caused havoc. But he was always asked to represent school at every single sporting event and he was on the
gifted and talented register for science and maths so I was a bit perplexed by it all. I do think that it is easier to notice the kid who is a nightmare to teach and has behavioural issues and so perhaps gets rewarded for the one time they actually do some work. Likewise the kids who love literacy and write reams for the teacher.
Make sure you keep praising your ds and don't let him know you are annoyed with school. You sound to be doing a good job.

madhousewife · 18/06/2011 09:09

When I did my teacher training the year 1 class had a rainbow with seven different qualities (kindness, hard working, ass kissing, being a good sport, etc.) and the kids were handed out coloured strips if they were seen doing any of these things during the day. It was much more inclusive although the quiet kids often got over looked. One mum questioned me very politely as to why her son only had a couple of strips hanging from his rainbow and somehow the next week when I came in he had HUNDREDS! WHen the mum came in she gave me a look as though I had done it on purpose, I was so embarrassed.

Omigawd · 18/06/2011 09:09

Statistically he should have had 1.5 by now so YANBU.

HauntedLittleLunatic · 18/06/2011 09:23

Dd3 has just got star of the week for 'always working hard' tbh I think that's a bit vague but she's happy with it. This is the second time -the first was something totally genuine and properly worthy (although still appreciate that it is essentially a rota).

I have recently split with xp, and I have noticed the tone of comments in her reading record change from she's doing great to an emphasis on how her doing great is heavily influenced by me working hard with her reading. This change occurred after a couple of weeks of me forgetting to write in her book (even though I was still doing the reading with her).

I think that both star of the week is about motivation, and teachers are very good at spotting where motivation is needed (for both parents and children alike).

I agree with the point about lack of reward also being motivational too though and that everyone deserved st least one turn.

HauntedLittleLunatic · 18/06/2011 09:24

Sorry lack of reward being demotivational.

twinkle1010 · 18/06/2011 10:10

This is why I do star of the day. A week is such a long time for a young child. Because they do not have to wait to long they are still motivated and happy for other children when they are chosen. I choose children that have done something lovely that day.

The only thing that drives me crazy is when parents dont return the star bear/book the next day or they loose it. Most are thrilled that their child has been chosen but a small minority do not seem to interested, that really saddens me.

MissMap · 18/06/2011 12:52

My Dnephew has "person of the week" in his infant class. He observed that mainly the naughty children, who may have one instance of good behaviour, get chosen week after week. My DN is delightful, consistently well behaved and quietly intelligent he has been chosen once this year, whilst some others are regularly chosen over and over again.

I would personally like to award his teacher the Miss Mapp Award for Disincentivisation.

Allinabinbag · 18/06/2011 13:06

Star or 'Special Person' of the week means something different in my child's school. The Special Person (or People, there's two a week) are allowed to bring something in every day that means something to them, like baby photos, a cuddly toy, something grandpa gave them and talk about it. Every day. My daughter was so over-excited when she got to be Special Person of the week, it was such a big deal to her, she spent ages choosing things and standing up and getting all that attention (whilst being normally quite quiet) was wonderful.

It is done on a strict rotation and everyone gets a turn.

However, they still give out stickers like sweeties, and it's usually for things like 'ate their lunch nicely'!!!!

HumphreyCobbler · 18/06/2011 13:15

if it has been awarded to all the other children then of course your son should have had his turn

it sounds to me as if the list in the front of the teacher's file still has your son's name missing

All of those talking about rewards being stupid etc are missing the point. How would you feel if your child was the only one who never achieved something all the other children in the class HAD achieved? In any classroom there is always something nice to say about every child, why shouldn't your son have his turn?

zlaya · 18/06/2011 13:21

You could always talk to teacher, one to one and tell her that your son is waiting to have his turn. Tackle it had on and I am sure it will pay off. I feel lot of time is waisted by not asking the teacher right question, they are only human and at the end of the day this your child in question, I am sure she will put your mind at ease and perhaps reward him for his hard work soon.

SparklyCloud · 18/06/2011 14:01

tennisfan how come yours break for summer next week, thats a month earlier than other schools, dont most finish at some point in the last 2 weeks of July for 6 weeks?

noblegiraffe · 18/06/2011 14:27

WTF is the point of an award that isn't earned, rather given out on a rota? That's just taking turns, not being a 'Shining Star'.

If you want to give out awards, they should be given out whenever they've done something impressive and award-worthy, not restricted to one kid per week and then given for something crap because it's their turn.

youarekidding · 18/06/2011 14:56

I totally agree with verity re the 'middle children'. My DS is excellent at maths and behind in literacy. He is polite and honest but a typical figgity 6yo boy. Therefore any progress he makes in literacy doesn't bring him up to NA so doesn't get recognised as he's still behind iyswim, he doesn't need motivation in maths so doesn't get it for that, he behaves well 99% of the day and does sopmething silly which does get noticed and obviously not rewarded. Grin

He is in many ways one of the children who are just there.

And my friend whos a teacher says its a shame as now she feels 1/2 of any infant class are just there and doing well but with all the time taken up on levels and progress making and recording there is not as much time now as when we were at school for the small and important things like show and tell. Sad

TennisFan · 18/06/2011 23:15

Sparklycloud I am in Northern Ireland next week is our last full week of term and then school ends the following Wednesday 29th June for 9 weeks.

Although there is one mote Friday I don't think my DD will get the award this year.

EightiesChick · 18/06/2011 23:26

Doesn't matter how wrong it is to give an award just by rotation - it still makes it unfair, in fact even more so, if one child doesn't get a turn!

YANBU. Go in and ask the teacher directly. If he doesn't get it this Friday, go in again next Monday. She ought to get the message by then.

iscream · 19/06/2011 04:57

I would go back in and ask when your son is getting to be the SS. If she doesn't give you an date, go to the principal. It is wrong to leave him out and other children to have received it twice.

Goblinchild · 19/06/2011 06:27

If you can't think of something lovely, or kind or generally worthwhile that a child has done in a term, there's something wrong with the teacher's perception of that child, and in the opportunities being given for children to show what they are capable of.

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 19/06/2011 06:51

Op - YANBU and I would go into school on Monday and demand your dc gets it this week. I would also pop into school Friday morning to reiterate and remind as they seem very incompetent with this.

TheFlyingOnion · 19/06/2011 09:57

"demand", cookcleaner?

Bet you're popular Hmm

zlaya · 19/06/2011 10:01

My advice, do not demand anything, you may provoke something different all together, by all means talk to the teacher, in mild manner, but carefully you do not want get labeled as difficult.

EightiesChick · 19/06/2011 21:51

zlaya I know what you're saying, but sometimes it's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease. From the OP she has been reasonable and non-demanding about this all year and it has got her nowhere. I'm not advocating being rude or aggressive at all, just a little more assertive and questioning. The middle ground between 'mild' and 'aggressive' if you like.