To think we should all ensure our daughters can drive a car

[Fiddledee]

So many posters saying they can't do x,y,z because they can't drive. Yes its expensive but I think alot more valuable than alot of other stuff we spend on our kids.

I will be marching my daughter to the learner driver school on the first day possible. Even if we couldn't afford it I would encourage her to learn asap after starting work and to save for it.

I just want to reduce the dependency of women on men driving them everywhere. We are not in the 1950s.

Yes, to me being able to drive is a lifeskill like being able to cook or ride a bike or swim.

I will be helping my kids learn to drive exactly as I help them with the other life skills.

not sure teenagers driving is that desirable is it? plus the cost of insurance for young drivers is astronomical

i didn't learn to drive til a couple of years ago, when i actually needed to.
dh learned as a teenager but didn't actually drive for about 10 years after that

Not only necessary for daughters of course I'm not that daft, but I notice how many women of my age say they don't like driving on motorways, long journeys etc... I just hate this reliance on men and this "its not in my control element". I think many women are passing this message on to both their daughters and their sons.

Honeydragon I am sorry about your situation but I don't think you would have been terribly sympathetic if you had been told that the heart surgeon was running late because his bus didn't turn up or there were not buses running at this time.

I could not have done my last jobs without a car, it was essential. I work in social services or similar and could not have visited my clients without being able to travel to them. It was stated as essential when I applied.

I want ALL my children to learn to drive, I would hate them to work hard in a career and not be able to progress purely because they did not have that one skill.

It does not men you ahve to be car dependent if there are other transport options, but does open up more opportunities.

Flisspaps they had horses, and they didn't really go anywhere. People lived and worked in a very small area, families moved away a lot less. It's still very much like that where I live now, although people work farther afield, eg 20miles away rather than only 3miles. I wonder if my boss would let me ride to work and stable a horse there...!

It depends a lot on where you live. You might not miss driving if you live in a town but we lived in a village with very scarce buses when I couldn't drive and it had a huge impact on my life. Not being able to drive affected where I could work - and therefore how much I earned, when and where I could go without DH and even what we bought and ate, because DH had to do the shopping.

Since I passed my test about 8 years ago my life has changed immeasurably. I now have a good job that pays quite well and I cannot imagine how I would have coped living in a village with a baby and no means to get out and about. DH and I have a much more equal relationship now as well because I don't have to depend on him.

don't like the attitude that you are somehow incomplete as a human being if you can't drive

No - I agree.

So many women I know wont drive on motorways/cities/long journeys and it's so disempowering.

An aunt of mine has been driving for fifty years and took three coaches ad nine hours to do a three hour journey. madness.

Get thee a Satnav and get going!

The surgeon who saved my best friends life 5 years ago only got there in time from the other hospital because he had his bike in his wife's car and they were stuck in traffic. Buses and trains are affected the same way as the traffic system.

dismissing public transport as unreliable is not a good enough argument for effectively saying a drivers licence should be pretty much compulsory.

I have never asked for a lift any where as I am a proud individual and have never felt anything other then liberated at times for not having a car.

Who said anyone was incomplete?

I do think you can be quite disenfranchised, though.

Your choice of job is limited, your hobbies are limited and yours and your childrens social lives if you don't live in the middle of a town or city.

A woman I know has just qualified as a groom and cannot get work as she can't drive and stableyards tend to be stuck in the middle of nowhere!

Honeydragon - if you have a car you are not compelled to drive at everywhere you know

The thing about public transport is that however good it gets, it will never go direct to where you want to go and it will never go everywhere, so by not driving, you do limit yourself somewhat. The degree of that limitation may be minor, or may be major, depending on your lifestyle, where you live, your routine etc.

I remember when I left practice and went into industry, I was really surprised by the head hunters asking "Can you drive?" as a prelim question because in the industry I'm in, most of the companies are stuck out on the M4 around Heathrow or on the M3 with no public transport to them.

But its harder and harder to afford a car these days. I'm meeting lots of adults both men and women who are not bothering to learn to drive because they know they won't be able to afford to put petrol into the car.

I learnt to drive years ago but I can't afford to run a car. It means that I am dependant on dh which I hate, the world is very small for my children because in the school holidays we are stuck here and it is seriously damaging my career options. But what can you do? Running a car is out of reach for lots of people nowadays. Why spend hundreds and hundreds of pounds on learning to drive if you won't be able to afford a car at the end of it?

I don't think people shouldn't drive I just don't think it is essential for everyone and especially not particularly important for girls ( rather than boys) For example, teenage boys are much more vulnerable out on their own than girls.

Anyway, I've run out of sensible arguments and I thought I'd share two other arguments in favour of being a non car driver which are closer to my heart

1. I seem to remember Margaret Thatcher saying something like 'a man who finds himself on a bus at the age of 30 can count himself a failure' And that for me just sums up in a nutshell exactly what I think of people who believe cars are essential. Like Thatcher, they are extremely socially insecure and therefore vulgar, vulgar, vulgar ( totally removes district nurses, doctors, grooms, emergency services people from this category)
2. This can only be conveyed by the medium of song < gets out keyboard>

I can stand at a bus stop at any hour of the day or night
I can walk in the streets alone without taking fright
I can call a taxi and get in it EVEN THOUGH I DON'T KNOW THE DRIVER

Because I'm a woman
W O M A N
I'll say it again

I am woman hear me roar ! etc.

Yanbu. Sometimes I don't use my car for days but I would be stuck without it. I walk a lot too, just about to walk to the gym instead of driving there. I do love having a car for days out or visiting relatives.

I've saved all the dc's birthday money up (they don't know) and will probably use it for driving lessons. Probably won't be able to get them a car but would love to help them get their licences when they are older.

If they wanted to be policemen, firefighters, plumbers, electricians, doctors etc I think they'd have to drive in all those jobs.

smashinghairday

Oh I know , but it is the people who treat you like you are a burden on society if you can't drive who frustrate my, and the people who say it's empowering and important if you have this skill.

I've stopped explaining why I can't to be people now, it was empowering when i realised I didn't need to explain or give a reason.

Do you know, I think the only reason I sometimes take issue with this debate is that I don't drink. The reaction and arguments have been the same for not drinking, believe it or not. And that's just depressing. I resent people demanding to know why I can't drive, and just as much, why I don't drink.

It's great if you can have a license, but it's really, really not the end of the world if you can't.

Thaigreencurry - you are in the catch 22 situation yourself.

Can't afford a car, without a car you can't get as good a job as you'd like.

Running a car doesn't have to be financially crippling if you buy a cheap small car and only use it when you have to.

FinallySpring,

Agree entirely. It amazes me how there are so many cars on the road, given the lives we lead.

I was surprised this morning, walking to the bus stop to work. I usually see lots of mums walking their children to the primary school at the end of the road, with their scooters and bikes tootling along. This morning, bit of rain, and the road's all clogged up with cars.

Anyone can teach you to drive btw. You don't have to have lessons. My parents taught me.

All 3 of my children - 2 ds and 1 dd had driving lessons for their 17th birthdays. Ds 1 - highly academic - took his test and failed and gave up driving because he lacked co-ordination. He is now 37 and as he lives in the London area near a bus stop does not feel the need for a car. Ds 2 34 needs to drive for his job even though he lives in London. He works all over the country.

Dd 18 passed her test just before she went to uni. She wants to be a primary school teacher and as we now live in a rural area with a poor bus service she will need to drive to get to the any of the many village schools.

I didn't drive until I was 32 but it did mean that I was then able to apply for jobs that were not on direct bus routes.