To think we should all ensure our daughters can drive a car

[Fiddledee]

So many posters saying they can't do x,y,z because they can't drive. Yes its expensive but I think alot more valuable than alot of other stuff we spend on our kids.

I will be marching my daughter to the learner driver school on the first day possible. Even if we couldn't afford it I would encourage her to learn asap after starting work and to save for it.

I just want to reduce the dependency of women on men driving them everywhere. We are not in the 1950s.

I can see the point of getting a driving license, in the same way as I am keen that my daughter gets her maths GCSE, but foisting car ownership on everyone is not a great plan if you ask me. Which you did.

My brother doesn't drive - he has for the most part lived in cities. He (I think) does now (age 40) have a provisional driving licence, but has not yet had any lessons.

I do drive. I have mostly lived rurally.

But when I go for a city break, I never drive there. the public transport system in cities is so good that I have never needed to.

And I have to say that if my parents had insisted I learn to drive I would have rebelled. It's MY choice, not theirs. And I certainly would not have taken it well if they had insisted on me driving, but not insisted on my brother doing the same.

What utter tosh.

You could force your DDs to do all kinds of things to prove they are as good as men. But I think it's a bit of a give-away that deep down you don't think they are really.

There was a time when there were things no woman had done when a gesture/demonstration served a purpose. But we've had a woman Prime Minister and we have female MPs, Doctors, Scientists and Judges. It doesn't need more proof that women are capable.

I agree with OP because I can't drive and feel I've never really had the opportunity/spare cash in order to do it. I don't think I've given up with the idea yet and once I've bought my flat and found a decent job I shall certainly be taking lessons - more time and money now! My parents didn't have a car when I was growing up and they did not want to shell out for us girls to learn. My brother, however they did pay for! Outright sexism. So, I hope I will have enough money spare to pay for my daughter to learn as soon as she's the right age. In the States they learn at school - why can't we do that here?

Both my DD's can drive (they are 18 & 19). We paid for driving lessons for their 17th birthdays and we'll do the same for DS. It never occurred to me it was something they should do because they are GIRLS it was more because we are relatively well off and driving lessons are very expensive and time consuming. We thought if they learnt while at sixthform they wouldn't have to pay all that money themselves later. How much they actually drive is up to them.

I agree that women shouldn't be dependent on men or anybody else. I also think men should be independent.

I agree about the driving, but not what you say in your OP - if you can't afford it, don't do it - learning to drive is only the start of it. If you can't afford to run a car then being able to drive it is not going to help you.

Running yourself into debt is a surefire way to lose independence in my view - I'll be teaching my daughters to earn their own money always and manage it properly, that way they will always be independent.

Sadly I, and neither did my mother when I hit the age to legally drive, have the money to pay for a driving license, theory test and lessons. A car? I don't even know when I'd be able to afford one. Maybe in five years. Sure it's a pain to have to use public transport constantly, but I don't have a different option.

To be fair to the OP, there are quite a few comments on threads along the lines of "I need to go back to work because we are skint but we've moved to the back of beyond for DH's job and I cant drive so I sit in the house all day, or wait for the weekly bus."

But, I think those threads tend to stick in your mind, so not sure whether they're the exceptions, and most people who cant drive live where they can avail themselves of public transport and get by fine like that.

I think it's definitely worth getting a license because it does give you more flexibility in terms of employment - and it may be that being able to drive means you can get to a better paid job so can afford the car, or they give you a company car.

Basically, being able to drive gives you options you wouldnt have if you cant drive, whereas not being able to drive doesnt confer any benefits other than a ST cash saving.

I started learning to drive because my dad thought it was ESSENTIAL. He still insists that he would not be able to cope in the rural village he lives in without car and persists in driving, even while drunk and/or ill. He told me confidently that there was no public transport in his village. Actually, there is but I think he thinks it's for losers ( more fool him ) There is also a village shop and post office within walking distance, but he DRIVES to them. And, he insists on picking me up from the station when I visit, although I could easily walk or get the bus. My mother in law is the same and carried on driving for a long time after getting alzheimers, thereby putting other people in great danger. For people of their generation driving a car symbolised something. Both of them lower middle class and very important to show to people that they were not like the sad folk who had to cycle/get the bus. Specially for women who also like to imagine that they are in GREAT DANGER if outside a locked private vehicle at night. I think that is partly why my dad thought I had to drive. Just in case if I didn't I would have to rely on a TEENAGED boy to take me home. (wtf btw why imagine the only option for getting home is with a teenaged boy ? 1. Maybe there's a teenaged GIRL to give you a lift, maybe you could cycle ? get a taxi ? walk ? and anyway why is it so threatening that your daughter is alone with a teenaged boy ? )

So, back to ME. I learned how to drive and was on the point of doing my test and then thought. WHY ? So I didn't take it. Have had no trouble applying for and getting jobs wherever I wanted, travelling around the world, having two children. No problem. My DH has a license and so I suppose we could hire or hijack a car in a hypothetical emergency, though can't imagine what that situation would be. So neither of us drive and we have never had a car. Simples, honestly

I am happy to see so many non-drivers on this thread- I've read so many negative comments on MN directed towards people who don't drive.

I don't drive but am scared of learning- not for the reasons you might think. So many of my friends who drive say they can't manage without their car, if it's in the garage they are lost and can't go anywhere, can't take their kids out, or get shopping, can't live their life. We live in a large town with excellent public transport links, and I am privately horrified that so many well educated women raising their kids well are paralysed with horror at the thought of using a bus. (One former work colleague, woman in her 50's, said she was too scared to use a bus as it had been too long- she had health problems and it looked like she would have to give up driving, I really hope she did not end up stuck in the house ).

I'd like a car to be able to take the DC's on trips more easily, and to visit my IL's who live far away. If DH learned to drive he could drive to work and reduce his commute by about 45min. But I'm scared of becoming dependent on a car, and being unable to live my life without one!

So OP, YANBU, but please also take your DD on public transport regularly, being able to manage without a car is very liberating too!

My neighbour drives to the corner shop. It is 100 metres away. How empowering for her...!

No more or less than we should ensure our sons can drive a car.

Driving is a great skill to have, but I hate the way it is made out to be some sort of feminist issue.

I also agree with other posters who have raised the following: I live in in a very 'naice, middle class are' where parents (mostly women) drive to the bloody corner shop in their feck off great jeeps and are breeding generations of children who are ferried everywhere by mummy and are pretty much devoid of any road awareness and streetwise savvy. How very empowering! (NOT).

My DD can drive if she wants to, but I will be teaching her to ride a bike, and navigate her way around London's fabulous public transport system long before we get on to forking out for driving lessons.

How on earth did people manage to get around until the car was invented?

People who can't drive have never experienced the freedom a car brings. Jumping into a car and going when you want, and where you want, is great. Buses and trains are restrictive. For a start you need to physically get to a train station before you can get on a train. In a car you're off straight from your door.

I don't understand why the thread is just about daughters learning to drive though because I'll be making sure my sons learn to drive. The concept that women rely on men is a bit dated.

To me driving is an essential skill. It gives you freedom and independence to go where you want. Public transport is limiting.

Sorry, but public transport is NOT limiting. I have never once been limited in my travels because of my inability to drive.

Do wholeheartedly agree with you Journey that the concept of women relying on the big strong capable fellas to drive delicate incompetent ladies around is very dated.

YABU

Women (and men) should learn to drive when they need to be able to drive, and not before.

I learned at 18 as my dad insisted. However, because I didn't have a car, and because I lived in London, I never drove after I passed my test. 12 years later I can barely remember how to drive. Would have been much better if I'd waited to learn till now, when I actually need to know how to drive and when we are about to buy a car.

Sorry been out to the shops in my car...

FINALLYSPRING In this country there is very good public transport and people also have a pair of feet.

Is a bus every 2 hours (stopping at 5pm) a very good public transport system? Yes I live in a village so don't expect that much. There is no method of walking to the nearest town (no pavements) and it would take about 1.5 hours to walk there even if there were. I have a family who live in another town nearby - the bus services has recently been changed from every 15mins to every hour, stopping at 5pm and they are in a town.

There is a very good public transport system in big cities, the rest of us get round by car or are trapped.

I'm sick of reading threads about not being able to find work locally and/or do childminder pick ups because they can't drive.

How can anyone who lives in London find a car liberating? Maybe if you live rurally that is true, but for us 8 million odd Londoners, no it is very far from liberating. Literally the only thing I find liberating about it is once a year when we leave London and drive to the south coast. Otherwise, it is non-stop traffic and hassle, not to mention hellishly expensive to run our car (not just tax, insurance and petrol, but parking. FFS, it is a nightmare, woman!).

Even our family, where all can drive, use public transport 95% of the time.

YABU and YANBU,

It is useful to have a licence (either for work or for hire cars, etc), but it's seems an unhealthy attitude to think driving is necessary. If one lives in a city or reasonable sized town, it's pretty easy to live without cars, and they're pretty much just a money sink.

I see everyone is fighting over whether cars are necessary, but des no-one else want to know why the OP thinks that it is necessary only for daughters to be able to drive?

I'm sick of reading threads about not being able to find work locally and/or do childminder pick ups because they can't drive.

There are lots of other threads where other reasons than driving are given.

Besides, having a license doesn't make you a safe driver if you haven't been in a car for 5 years or so.

I live in the sticks we have one car as that is all we can afford and dh needs it. I use my bike and feet for local runs and public transport for everything else.

My Mum has called in the last hour, my Dad went for a routine hospital check and is not coming out incase he has a heart attack and is about to be blue lighted to another hospital for heart surgery if I had the car with me what could I have done? Driven there and followed Mum around? I've got on the phone, rallied the troops, cancelled my Mums birthday party for this w/e my brother is the nearest to her at the moment and a trooper so he will go over if necessary. Dh has the car so he has said he will take her to the new hospital as it is a awful journey, with no parking. Otherwise my Mum will use most likely the train.

If i had the car and drove their for no damn good reason than worry I'd be stupid, also I have dd and I doubt bringing a 18 mnth old to the hospital would help anyone.

I am managing a family crisis and if my Mum needs me can get to her through public transport.

Life goes on without a car

I agree entirely with Bonsoir.

I would not function without my car ( and a 4x4 at that!) We live rurally, my DH works away a great deal and we have four kids who ride/swim/judo/run/Cubs/Beavers/Art club etc etc.

Literally impossible to have a full and rounded life in the countryside with no vehicle where I live.

It depends on your life - my MIL doesn't drive but lives in the centre of a big city.

Haven't read the other posts but I think it's definately a skill to have irrelevant of whether you intend to have a car or drive much.

I live in the middle of nowhere and you can't get anywhere without a car (we are miles from the nearest little town) and once when I was younger my sister was really ill, not life threateningly so but enough to feel really crap and needed to go to the doctors fairly urgently. I couldn't drive, my parents were on holiday, there was no-one about to help and taxi's just don't seem to exist round here, and she had to drive herself because I couldn't. It was awful watching her hunched over in pain and having to drive the 15 miles to the nearest surgery, I couldn't help but think how awful it would have been if it had been a real emergency.

I always intended to learn to drive as we live in such a rural area and had only just turned 17 (and was enjoying relying on my sister driving me everywhere!) but if nothing that alone was enough to make me learn.

If you can't drive then what do you do in an emergency? What about if you're out with your partner for the day and for some reason he can't drive you home? My opinion is that it can leave you vulnerable in certain situations if you don't have that skill to fall back on. I'll never forget my Mum telling me when she lived in America for a few months when she was younger and couldn't drive, she went away for a weekend with a few friends and the chap who was driving the car got so stoned that he was barely staying on the road and was sat INSIDE his sleeping bag while driving (it wasn't an automatic either!), she said she feared for her life the whole journey home and if she'd been able to drive then she would have done so. That scared her so much she learnt to drive as soon as she got back to Britain and as a result she was adamant my sister and I would learn, even if we lived in a city for the rest of our lives once we left home.

So, I think what I'm trying to say is it's a really valuable skill to have even if you very rarely have cause to use it, and certainly something I will ensure my children will learn to do (when I have them!)