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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we should all ensure our daughters can drive a car

366 replies

Fiddledee · 17/06/2011 08:33

So many posters saying they can't do x,y,z because they can't drive. Yes its expensive but I think alot more valuable than alot of other stuff we spend on our kids.

I will be marching my daughter to the learner driver school on the first day possible. Even if we couldn't afford it I would encourage her to learn asap after starting work and to save for it.

I just want to reduce the dependency of women on men driving them everywhere. We are not in the 1950s.

OP posts:
sharbie · 17/06/2011 08:57

i think you are wrong bonsoir
we are all way too much in love with our cars

Bonsoir · 17/06/2011 08:58

You don't have to own a car in order to think that driving is an essential skill. I'm not in love with my car (I don't have one) but driving is absolutely essential in my book.

CheerfulYank · 17/06/2011 08:58

I think it's more essential here in the US, and much more frowned upon if you can't do it. People look at me like I've got three heads when I tell them I don't drive.

One day, one day...

pigletmania · 17/06/2011 08:59

I will need a job that pays reasonably to be able to afford to drive and run a car. I know a few drivers who don't drive as they cannot afford the expense if running a car

MumblingRagDoll · 17/06/2011 09:00

My family simply couldn't afford to send me OP....my friends who could drive when we were 18 were the middle class ones.

QueenOfFeckingEverything · 17/06/2011 09:00

We'd be better off making sure our daughters learnt to catch/break in/ride a horse - far more useful when the oil runs out.

fuzzpigFriday · 17/06/2011 09:01

I entirely agree with Tee. Driving is a luxury, a privilege. If people didn't see it as a right, maybe they'd take it more seriously. It is a massive responsibility to be in charge of a car, they are actually pretty dangerous... (well to be fair the actual car isn't dangerous, but a bad driver is a risk to everyone around)

I plan on learning at some point (DH will never be able to, due to migraine/blackouts) - if I decide on teaching as a career then I definitely will need to. But right now, I don't. We live near relatively good public transport, and we walk a lot. I do not waste money on things I do not need. Simple really.

pigletmania · 17/06/2011 09:02

It's not that I haven't tried, I have but cannot afford any more lessons as uv spent thousands on tests and lessons.

valiumredhead · 17/06/2011 09:03

Yes its expensive but I think alot more valuable than alot of other stuff we spend on our kids

Do you actually know how much it costs? Lessons are about £45 per hour and the test alone with the lesson before is £100 - simply out of a lot of people's price range.

Driving is USEFUL but not ESSENTIAL.

fuzzpigFriday · 17/06/2011 09:03

Cheerful - I should probably stop getting my info from tv shows (just stick to MN instead :o) but am I right in thinking that driving is a part of the curriculum in some colleges or high schools or something? That struck me as a bit odd.

OP - YANBU to want your DD to be able to drive if she wants to - same with a DS. They should have the choice, but with choice comes responsibility.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 17/06/2011 09:03

My mother doesn't drive. She has relied on people to give her lifts her whole life. Of course she gets the bus etc but if my dad's not around and we're all meeting up somewhere, she has to have someone come out to fetch her and take her back. Of course we don't mind but she hates it.

Having lived with my mother, my father booked me and my brother driving lessons for the day of our 17th birthdays. He was of the opinion that it was essential and that if you don't learn straight away then you are less likely to learn at all. Looking around my friends, he appears to have been right. The ones who drive are the ones who learnt straight away. My best friend, at 32 is still saving up for lessons like she has been since she was 17. I am very very glad that he did this and I shall be doing the same for my children. Whether you have a car or not is irrelevant.

valiumredhead · 17/06/2011 09:04

And running a car if you do pass is a other ball game, price of petrol/insurance anyone?

valiumredhead · 17/06/2011 09:05

edit I meant £45 per LESSON not HOUR - most instructors will only do hor and a hlf/two hr lessons now.

chopchopbusybusy · 17/06/2011 09:05

DD1 is learning to drive at the moment. I have already set aside enough money to be able to do the same for DD2.
For those who say we have great public transport - that depends on where you live. Public transport where we live is infrequent, very expensive and ends at 6pm.

darleneoconnor · 17/06/2011 09:06

I wouldnt have been able to commute to my first graduate job if i hadnt been able to drive. I dont know any mums with ft jobs and a childcare run to do who dont drive. It reduces job prospects considerably and probably contributes to the gender pay gap so yadnbu.

Punkatheart · 17/06/2011 09:06

I have had this a lot - particularly at parties. Aggressive women asking me why I don't drive - as if I am letting the side down by refusing to learn. It really irritates me.

But feminism, if you want that world, implies CHOICE. I assert my right NOT to drive. I am independent, I can get to places and I have managed with my child's education.

I have had a few lessons in the past but simply did not do well. I have a lot of intellectual skills but practical ones? Not so much.

Honeydragon · 17/06/2011 09:07

Well I don't think driving is a essential life skill, but I do think First Aid is. Being first on the scene in a traffic accident I do not think the people involved thought "Oh Fuck of Honeydragon you have no driving licence, you brainless twat" but rather oh good someone who's calm is here who knows how to stop the bleeding, till other help comes.

Driving is not a feminist issue or a issue about equality. We all make life choices and should be comfortable with them. To instil in to any young woman "You are a failure if you do not do this...." is wrong imo. Driving does not equal freedom. Nor is it it liberation.

becknotts · 17/06/2011 09:07

Depends how old your kids are to be honest. Natural resources are running out at an alarming rate. Things are going to have to change and that is going to include private car ownership/dependence.
Better to campaign for better public transport/learn to ride a bike/develop links within the community you live in

GwendolineMaryLacey · 17/06/2011 09:11

I've found that too darlene. I couldn't get DD to where she has to be, myself to where I need to be at the right times and on time if I didn't drive. When she goes to school next year it'll be even worse.

HowToLookGoodGlaikit · 17/06/2011 09:12

I dont drive, my DH doesnt drive, my parents dont drive. I am not bothered if my daughters (or any of my children) can drive or not.

TattyDevine · 17/06/2011 09:14

I certainly wouldn't want my children to be limited in the way you can be when you don't drive. Obviously it doesn't have to be that way.

My brother doesn't drive, which I do find strange. I think he is learning now he has a baby on the way. It would be weird for his partner to have to drive herself home from the hospital. It might not even be safe.

Public transport wouldn't be an option for that, though they could get a taxi. Would be pricey though.

I won't be ensuring they drive, but I will be encouraging it, to the extent that I will probably pay for their lessons.

2littlegreenmonkeys · 17/06/2011 09:14

Being able to drive is a good skill to have, but not an essential one. I have got by perfectly well in my life without ever being able to drive. DH can drive, but we cannot afford a car so don't have one.
When we did, have a car, it sat on the road out front of our house 6 days a week as DH and I still walked to and from work and to do the shopping. We only ever used the car to visit the PIL.

Up until leaving paid employment to have our DC I have always had a job, so not having a license or car made no difference to me what so ever. DH still walks to and from work everyday. We do our shopping on foot or if a big shop online. We travel all over with the DD's on trains & buses. I would rather my DD's have the gumption to walk to and from places than have to rely on a car no matter who is driving the car.

FIL keeps on at us about getting a car, we don't want one, nor have the money to buy or run one. It is okay for FIL between him and MIL they have 4 vehicles and can afford it, we cannot.
We still see PIL, weekly (sometimes several times a week) as we bus to them or they meet me in town to see the DD's or they come here. In fact I could say we see them more now that before when we had the car as we struggled to afford the fuel.

gasman · 17/06/2011 09:15

I don't often agree with Bonsoir but on this occasion I do.

It would be very difficult to do my job without driving. As a doctor progressing through a training scheme I change jobs every 3-4 months. Often to hospitals far away from home (and I live centrally for my rotation). As an anaesthetist I start work at anytime between 07:30-08:00. One of the rural hospitals I worked in had no public transport from the town I live in (closest large conurbation) which arrived before 09:00.

When I qualify as a Consultant (not long now) I will mostly be doing on call from home and unless you live very close by or in an urban area it is difficult to do that without relying on a car. In an urban area you can obviously get a taxi but the thought of getting out of bed to cycle into work at 3am isn't very appealing (despite that being my normal 'in town' mode of getting to work).

Even in non-professional roles not being able to drive can be a huge disadvantage. I know a chap who is a carpenter. He doesn't drive ergo he can't get out to clients houses with stuff to do work so until he gets a licence will be stuck being the 'second man' on the job. He also can't do any 'homers' easily as he has to rely on those employing him to take him to the depot to buy materials etc. A very unsatisfactory experience.

In addition my hobbies are sea kayaking and walking. It would be very challenging to do either of these without ready access to a car. It is difficult to take a sea kayak on a bus/ train!

I have met several woman professionally in the last few days who were bemoaning the fact that they couldn't do X, Y or Z because they can't drive.

I agree - having a licence does not have to equate owning a car. My brother co-exists very happily in the same city as me with no car, the occasional use of mine, the occasional use of a company car and a lot of walking.

mumwithdice · 17/06/2011 09:18

Oh, this drives (sorry!) me up the wall. I don't drive and yet I have managed to live in southwest rural China and go places by using their buses. I have been to tiny villages up in the mountains without needing a car.

On a more mundane note, FIL has never driven, nor has DH and yet somehow, we manage even in tiny Cornish villages. Feet are not just to work the gas pedal.

If DD wants to learn, fine, but I will not make her.

MitchiestInge · 17/06/2011 09:18

I didn't want my children relying on lifts from teenaged boys, daughter 1 was saying yesterday how much she appreciated her car and driving licence. She failed her test a couple of times and found it gruelling and expensive and hated driving as a learner but loves it now. Daughter 2 is 18 but hasn't had medical ok to drive yet, daughter 3 (12) can just about drive an automatic Discovery off road but is keen to get a motorbike. We don't live in an area where public transport is an option unless you are commuting at peak times and taxis are almost impossible to get at certain times to and from certain places. Also you can run (insure, tax, fuel and MOT) a Ka for 200 miles a week for less than one twenty minute 2am taxi ride home.

I think I'd still want them to drive even if we lived somewhere a bit better connected, they don't have to take on the expense of running their own car although they can't be insured for mine until they are 21. Hooray.

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