To think we should all ensure our daughters can drive a car

[Fiddledee]

So many posters saying they can't do x,y,z because they can't drive. Yes its expensive but I think alot more valuable than alot of other stuff we spend on our kids.

I will be marching my daughter to the learner driver school on the first day possible. Even if we couldn't afford it I would encourage her to learn asap after starting work and to save for it.

I just want to reduce the dependency of women on men driving them everywhere. We are not in the 1950s.

OOh you are really riling me bonsoir

Me and DH don't have a car. We are both in professional jobs with post graduate degrees. We are not sad deskilled no hopers. There is NO PLACE that we have ever thought of going( and we are adventurous travellers ) that we could not get to, ever. No place on holiday and no place in our daily lives. This includes out of the way rural areas. If there really is no public transport then you can walk, and in doing so get exercise and LOOK at stuff. And children CAN do this too. They can carry/wheel their own suitcases and look at the scenery that YOU are driving through at top speed ( polluting as you do so )

Shopping can be delivered. You don't have to go to the supermarket ( now THAT is liberating ) You can read books and talk to people and look out of the window while you are travelling to places. What's not to like about that ?

Ok I know this makes me sound like a smug lentil weaver. I am not a lentil weaver but I am smug and I don't understand how people feel they can't live without stuff. You have been sold the idea that you have to have a car but really, you don't.

I don't drive, never wanted to. I don't feel like i'm dependant on my DH and I have traveled all over the world and lived all over Europe ! I dont thin it's an essential life skill, and my daughters will drive if they want to , same as my sons. I have 4 kids we go all over the place, bus, trains and coaches, if my husband is working. We never miss out because I don't drive, why do other women assume they are in some way superior just because they can drive a car ?, oh and for the record both my grandmothers and one great grandmother could drive so not really a new concept, nor does it put us on par with women in Saudi Arabia, my god what an insult to those women whos human rights are a damn sight more violated than not driving, yet people seem to hang on to that one small part of their life !

Gasman totally digressing, what did you do before you became a Dr. I would like to be a clinical psychologist, my post grads in health psychology and I will need to drive if I go into clin psych as ivwill need to visit clients in different places

I'm not going to ensure that any of my children learn to drive. It's up to them really.
I do take the point that being a non driver does reduce some employment opportunities in some areas but it doesn't make anyone totally dependent either.

It's never occurred to me that my DC might not learn to drive. My sisters and I learnt at 17 and had cheap runabouts as soon as we could afford them (saved up from weekend jobs). If you live in a semi-rural area, a car = freedom in many ways. Not least of which is being in control and not having to get into another young driver's vehicle.

I agree with other posters, it is a life skill. You don't have to own a car.

You know you don't lose the abilities of walking, cycling, horse riding and other means of getting from A to B when you pass your driving test don't you?

It's very difficult for teenagers in rural areas to have any sort of social life without their own wheels, we only have two halfway reputable taxi companies (not that that means anything) and you can wait for hours for a taxi on Thurs, Fri, Saturday nights. Unless a parent wants to be on call it is very limiting for young people.

but the attitude belittles those that can't, is that something we should instil in our children?

My sisters and I were given lessons for our 17th birthdays and we will be doing the same for Pugsley and Wednesday.

I am with Finallyspring, everything she said! I wouldn't have put it as well but I fully agree. If my daughter chooses to take lessons that will be her choice, but I will questiont her reasons for putting yet ANOTHER car on the roads.

Hey - I am mildly dyspraxic and was forced by my mum to get a driving license at 19, with much effort and chagrin by all involved. I passed my test first time (I was that compliant), but hated, hated, hated it. It goes without saying I do not drive now but my life is not in any way less for it - we live near town, we get our shopping online, we cycle if it's near and we take public transport if it's far. I think all this moving our legs keeps us all (family of four) a healthy weight.

So I think what I am trying to say, yes by all means if the children want to learn to drive it's another facilitation that as parents we can offer but please bear in mind that there are lots of factors involved and forcing things down people's throat is possibly not the way to go. Life can be full also without a car!

YANBU - but make it clear that having a licence will not mean being entitled to have a car - especially at your expence - or being insured to drive yours.

If a particular DD or DS is genuinely unwilling or not interested then of course let it lie until s/he is.

PS - Loved your post finallyspring!

Why do you specify daughters in your thread title?

I have a DS and will certainly try to support his learning to drive if that is what he wants to do - but is this a gender-specific perspective? Are there really lots of parents with sons AND daughters who are saying: 'Yes - you are a boy - you will have driving lessons; girl - get back in the kitchen and stop having ideas above your station'? REALLY?

Completely agree with finallyspring

I wondered the same TeamDamon. I know several men that can't/won't/can but prefer not to drive.

For me it was more about the dangers of teenage boys hurtling round, showing off. We had a spate of deaths locally just a year or two before my eldest was eligible to drive on the roads. I didn't want her ever having any justification for getting into a car with a newly qualified and possibly intoxicated idiot (sounds like ME apart from date of qualification) although the boys we know are very careful drivers.

I think girls are more likely than boys to be sexually assaulted by taxi drivers too. So own wheels goes some way towards reducing that risk.

And to all those who are saying that cars aren't necessary - being able to drive has made the difference between me having a job and not having one. I was made redundant from my job in the town I live in, and could only get another position in the town 15 miles away.

To get to work by public transport takes me two hours after walking to our nearest station, catching the train and then walking to work at the other end. Driving takes me 40 mins. If I have to drop DS off at school, I would have to take a bus to his school with him, drop him off, catch another bus into town, catch a train to work and reverse the journey to pick DS up at the end of the day. I have better things to do with my precious hours than spend 4 hours a day negotiating public transport.

Honeydragon Yes, exactly. I think many of us non-drivers get riled because we tried very hard to learn to drive. When we failed yet again and decided enough was enough, we adapted to that inability and started to enjoy the things we could do. But it really annoys me when some drivers belittle that adaptation and seem to think all our other skills (and thereby, we) are worthless all because we don't drive.

FinallySpring - just curious - do you have a licence and choose not to drive, or have you never learnt?

I certainly do teach my daughters not to be dependent on men in any way. In 2 minds about the car thing though, as we try not to be car-dependent ourselves anyway (eco reasons). It is a useful life skill, being able to drive, but not being dependent on cars is also useful.

Riding a bike is just as important to me.

No way my parents were going to shell out the 100s it costs for lessons. (And no idea if we could even think about affording it with my daughter). However when I was at uni I saved in the holidays and managed to do it in my final summer.

You really don't need a car at uni, so as long as you learn before you leave you're fairly sorted. Also if you learn at 17 and then don't really drive for 4 years that's not ideal either!! (And a fortune to insure - we couldn't afford that either!)

It is a usufull skill and ideally i would like my dds and ds to learn it. But as others said it is costy. There are other skills that dont cost anything but many parents dont bother to teach their children i.e. cooking.

For jobs i think languages open more doors than driving.

I've got a cousin who cannot use the bank , her parents did her banking and now her dh does it. I'd like to teach my dcs everything about money, credit cards, mortgage, interest, stocks.

Oh dear, my father tried that on me - tried to march me down to get my learner's the day I was eligible (We lived in the States - amusingly it turned out my father had let his license expire and he had to take the driver's test again that day on the spot, only passing by a whisker that I think was pity by the evaluator for me - proving to me how many people on the road shouldn't be there). His attitude backfired, I hated driving, and have never felt the need for driving. I manage my own business and 3 (soon to be 4) kids fine without driving a car. I do drool over cargo bikes though.

I hope none of you who think it's so needed have children who are medically ineligible to drive like my husband (blackouts, muscle spasms on left side), it's hateful when people think you're an unskilled and missing an essential part of being a well-rounded person for something you can't change.

Driving, though useful, is not an essential skill.

I don't drive. Have never bothered to learn.

Yet, I can fashion a spear, hunt, skin an animal, start a fire with splints and stones and cook it (I also do a mean roasted cricket!). I know how to dry meat. I can build a makeshift shelter with twigs, branches and leaves/thatch. I can [still!] scale a tree. I can build makeshift coops and keep chickens, rabbits et al. I can fashion a hoe out of wood, till the soil and grow my own crops and know that the best accessible manure is horse/cow dung. I can mold with clay to make containers to collect rain water. I know (in the main) to recognise which plants are harmful and which are edible. Given a gun, I can also shoot (although my aim is no longer as good as it was!). I have a red belt in taekwondo, and used to wrestle as well. The one thing I never got my head around were the constellations, but I tell myself there's still time

I hated it when we would travel back from the city to my grandfather's farm in the village every year and my siblings and I would have to go through these things again and again, but I see now why my parents (my mother especially!) insisted on me learning these skills. Having lived their childhood through a war and related famine, they knew that these were the skills that would serve me well should the world/civilisation as we know it collapse.

If it makes you feel better, I can also ride horses and a bike, and rollerblade. Last I checked, I wouldn't need to rely on a finite source of fuel to use these to get around. A car can only get you so far. Eventually, your gas will run out and what do you do then?

Just realised how primitive I sound TBH, no one in real life has any idea about all this stuff. They look at me and see a mild-mannered young woman that has lived what would seem to many a privileged life. And I have - it's just that I'm a product of (paranoid, but justifiably so!) parents.

My 2yo DS on the other hand may not be so unlucky. My STBXH is already teaching him how to recognise parts on a circuit board for a computer. That is what HE considers to be an essential skill

Been a driver for 20 years, never owned a car. Lived in towns, always and without exception used public transport to get around especially to work; also used bikes, taxis. Every now and then borrowed someone's car over the years, or hired one for an evening out, day trip, moving house, road trips on holiday.
Although I hardly ever use a car, I can count the number of times a month if I need to, I consider it as essential skill for modern day life and perfectly consistent with a green approach to life.