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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we should all ensure our daughters can drive a car

366 replies

Fiddledee · 17/06/2011 08:33

So many posters saying they can't do x,y,z because they can't drive. Yes its expensive but I think alot more valuable than alot of other stuff we spend on our kids.

I will be marching my daughter to the learner driver school on the first day possible. Even if we couldn't afford it I would encourage her to learn asap after starting work and to save for it.

I just want to reduce the dependency of women on men driving them everywhere. We are not in the 1950s.

OP posts:
Isitreally · 17/06/2011 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheBride · 17/06/2011 12:50

Do you reckon this is a government plot to stop people driving by stealth Grin

I still reckon though, that it would be quicker/cheaper to learn to drive from (eg) your dad (massive family arguments will ensue but hey, it saves money Grin) and then having lessons to learn all the anal stuff which you're never going to comply with once you're out of the test centre. That way, you're not paying $60/hr for someone to show you how to change gear.

whackamole · 17/06/2011 12:51

I can drive but I can't afford to run a car so we don't have one. My OH doesn't drive.

We are considering him taking extended paternity next year and me going back to work as I am the higher earner. Does this mean that as a SAHD he should learn purely to allow him to get to places easier and 'be less vulnerable'? Maybe we are lucky as we have excellent transport links.

akaEmmaFrost · 17/06/2011 12:52

I totally agree. I have also read somewhere that the younger you learn the better because your reactions are still developing at an early age and driving becomes incorporated into them as part of that. I thought that was quite interesting and made a lot of sense. The longer you leave it the more awkward a driver you are as you are having to consciously think about everything you do as opposed to it just coming naturally.

I would certainly be really strenuously encouraging both my dc to learn to drive.

beaker25 · 17/06/2011 12:53

I don't drive and neither does my boyfriend, neither of us are reliant on anyone else, we use public transport, bikes etc. I live in London so most journeys are much quicker by bike or public transport than car. Not driving has never affected my ability to get a job. I?d much prefer if society as a whole was less reliant on cars, cycling would be much safer and easier with less cars on the roads. I?ve lived out in the sticks before too, and obviously not driving is more limiting there, but I still managed fine, you just have to plan well and walk a lot!

I went to Berlin recently and was really impressed by how bike friendly it is, hardly any cars on the road, be great if London was more like that!

Peachy · 17/06/2011 12:54

In my field having a car emans you can't work so from that aspect it's essential, plus we are rural (ish). The car is for work use, visitng clients in their homes.

But ideally a car would be unnecessary and we could rely on other means so am a bit in two minds with this.

I do think not being able to drive limits career options though. I was the first ever female in my family to drive and thank goodness. Actually Dad can't either

mummyosaurus · 17/06/2011 12:57

Purely anecdotal, from among my friends quite a few women, maybe a little younger than me, never bothered to learn to drive and once you have a family it seems hard to find the money for lessons and extra car insurance. Now they are stuck, or really struggling to find the money for lessons. It does seem to be more women than men that don't bother to learn to drive.

So I am absolutely with you and will make sure both dcs (dd and ds) have driving lessons and pass their test as soon as they can, as far as possible.

If you live in a large town or city it's probably not so important but the buses here are few and far between. Even if you can't afford to run a car it is useful to have a license for employment purposes.

Isitreally · 17/06/2011 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/06/2011 13:01

Fiddledee Fri 17-Jun-11 11:54:57
Not only necessary for daughters of course I'm not that daft, but I notice how many women of my age say they don't like driving on motorways, long journeys etc... I just hate this reliance on men and this "its not in my control element". I think many women are passing this message on to both their daughters and their sons.

Where are you seeing that, Fiddledee? On MN? Such a small membership and such a small sample to make that judgement on, if so. Many non-driving posters probably don't drive because they don't want to. If they don't have to, all well and good. Driving is a great skill to have, it does free you in a way that not being able to drive, can't, but your OP reads as if it's an essential circumstance whereas in reality, it just isn't.

Bandwitch · 17/06/2011 13:02

Well, yes, and I expect that my dd will learn to drive. But if she temporarily prioritises other things, I won't nag her.

There are OTHER types of freedom besides the one driving brings.. Some people question my decision not to buy a car but for me, the money I can put away each month in savings as a result of not having a car (which would be handy but not essenstial) makes me feel free-er and more independent. Money under my belt makes me feel independent, not driving around behind the wheel of a ford ka.

SpottyFrock · 17/06/2011 13:05

I don't think anyone should be forced to drive but I am amazed at so many people saying it is unnecessary. Shock

Unless you live in the city or a large town how do you get one child to daycare, another to preschool and another to school then yourself to work without a car? (thinking of myself) No trains and buses are every 2hours or so and not very reliable plus I would need to get about 5 to get to work.

When I was teaching and we lived in Cheshire I would have needed to get 3 different buses carrying 90 books some night plus all sorts of other paperwork. And that would have just been to get home without considering picking up children.

IRCL · 17/06/2011 13:05

YABU.

I don't drive, can't afford the lessons just yet, I get along just fine.

It is not essential.

Dontbugmemalone · 17/06/2011 13:10

YABU

I think both sons and daughters should learn to drive if they wish to. Not just daughters.
If my DS wants to drive when he is old enough, that's fine. If he doesn't, that's also fine.

It isn't essential to drive, it's a useful skill. I'm 23 and cannot drive yet, but I've managed ok using public transport/walking.

I think it's more important to teach children how to cook and be independent but that's just me.

alana39 · 17/06/2011 13:11

I agree that driving is a useful skill, and might be almost essential for some people - but not just daughters. I won't be forcing any of my sons to drive, but I will be teaching them to wash, iron and cook so that they don't have to rely on a woman to do that for them - we are not in the 1950s Smile

smashinghairday · 17/06/2011 13:12

Quite, Spottyfrock.

I can only assume all of you who don't drive either live in a town/city with good public transport or don;t have any hobbies or any children with any or a combination of both.

Isitreally · 17/06/2011 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Honeydragon · 17/06/2011 13:22

smashinghairday

I have no money Wink that negates hobbies rather than a car Grin

the dc's haven't missed out though, they get to where they are meant too ... not by dh and his car but me. Smile

SpottyFrock · 17/06/2011 13:24

Well yes, Isitreally but lots of people on this thread have made sweeping statements saying cars are totally unnecessary. That is only the case if you live in an urban area.

startail · 17/06/2011 13:25

Uanbu driving and owning a car give a young person of either sex, freedom, safety and opportunity.
You have the perfect excuse not to drink and the ability to leave if you are not comfortable in a situation. I was brought up in rural Wales, ringing a taxi was not a viable option.
At uni. It was far easier to live without a car, big city funny things with two floors and wheels Grin. But I owe both getting to know my best friend and DH to the fact that in later years I took a car to college.

Peachy · 17/06/2011 13:27

'I notice how many women of my age say they don't like driving on motorways, long journeys etc... I just hate this reliance on men and this "its not in my control element". I think many women are passing this message on to both their daughters and their sons.*

I don't like driving on motorways but it's not through reliance on men, dad never drove. I do drive on motorways- still don't like it but can and will if I need to.

IntergalacticHussy · 17/06/2011 13:29

O/P i think you're confusing feminism with capitalism.

driving a car has nothing to do with feminism and everything to do with giving huge amounts of money to oil barons in the middle east every time you fill up.

The resulting flow of money to repressive regimes which enslave women is a feminist issue, however and you'd do well to think about it.

Triphop · 17/06/2011 13:29

Everyone needs to learn to drive, it's an essential life skill as many have said. You don't need to run a car, but you should know how to drive one - and be licensed to do so - as you never know what life will throw at you.

You need to know how to swim, too, even if you don't have a pool and hate the seaside.

You also need to know how to cook, even if you live between the world's best Chinese takeaway and a M&S Simply Food.

Honeydragon · 17/06/2011 13:29

startrail .... the perfect excuse not to drink is too ...not drink! Hate this mentality toward alcohol, Grrr Wink

Driving is great skill, but if it was really necessary everyone would do it it. It is neither necessary or unnecessary, it just is.

Honeydragon · 17/06/2011 13:30

IntergalacticHussy

YY eloquently put.

Hulababy · 17/06/2011 13:32

I will allow my DD to make her own mind up about whether she wants to learn to drive or not. It is not my decision to make. DD will be an adult at that time.