to think that the middle-classes suck the very soul out of parenting (and life in generally actually)?

[bejeezus]

Ive been on/reading a few threads- about Unconditional Parenting, Attachment Parenting, Steiner blah blah blah. 99.9% of each of these 'philosophies' is common sense, the other 0.1% is deranged and warped interpretation of what started out as a description of common sense.

I am sick of people researching and 'reading round' subjects, analyzing and LABELLING EVERY activity and aspect of growing kids. People (and animals!) have been doing it since time began.

Is it because middle-classers have all been raised by nannies/ have no parental role-models/ have poles up their asses/ lack imagination/ HAVE no intuition/ have no faith in their abilities/ need to feel superior - WHAT is it??

What is wrong with intuition, spontaneity and getting it wrong? in fact I bet my socks there is some research some-where, that says that those are essential aspects of child-rearing and if you dont embrace them whole-heartedly, your childrens teeth will fall out/ they will loose the ability to speak and be in prison by the age of 25 years and 7 months.

Why am I bothered?;

I said on a Steiner thread in parenting that 'I hate wooden toys and all they stand for'

Then I got to thinking; actually I hate what they now stand for but I DONT hate wooden toys. I love wooden toys; the smell, the feel, the memories. But we used to scavenge the tips for timber/rob neighbours fence posts then get dad/grandad/uncle to help us build go karts/benches/huts with an excess of nail string and glue. Where is the soul and creativity in parents spending a weeks/ a months wage (or even a penny) on some imported sustainably sourced wooden toy fashioned by a stranger or mass produced in a factory? It has no more educational/ developmental value than a brightly coloured plastic toy. It is not more enjoyable for the child. It is more enjoyable for the parents BECAUSE IT LOOKS NICE IN THEIR HOUSE!!

Middle class parents are like the anti-Rastamouse;

'always there to make a good thing bad'

Class War- Bring it!

tinier and others that have said not all mums (or any, probably) really know what they are doing at first and some dont have the confidence to follow their instincts--very valid reasons I think for reading parenting books/ doing research. As some one said much earlier on depending on your own upbringing and parenting role-models- 'getting it wrong' can be catastrophic- again very good reasons for research etc.

In fact- reading and researching is quite fun innit- I thought it was clear from my OP, that those people are not the people that I had in mind

PND is a hole- never want to go back there

In your latest post you say,

" reading and researching is quite fun innit- I thought it was clear from my OP, that those people are not the people that I had in mind"

but in your OP you say,

"I am sick of people researching and 'reading round' subjects, analyzing and LABELLING EVERY activity and aspect of growing kids."

I'm confused. Or is this one of these humorous logical inconsistencies that LeQueen mentioned?

Maybe I'm one of these soul sucking joyless types

Yes - the life over thing I particularly remember. I was 35, owned my own house, had a nice social life, and had money to go holiday a couple of times a year - plus a couple of ryanair mini breaks. I had worked hard for years, made good friends, was really having a good time in my life. DH then to be, and me had finally settled in to a relationship. He is 11 years older than me,so late 40s then.

We were settled, having fun. We went on holiday to Ischia with another couple who were actively trying to concieve. We took the mickey a bit when she asked the Thompson rep if she could go in the thermal pool as she might possibly be PG. The thermal waters certainly worked wonders on us. Guess who came home up the duff?

PND is absolutely godawful. I absolutely hated visiting my best friend with a newborn because it brought back such bad memories. Hearing people banging on about this and that parent theory also gives me flashbacks. Sorry you have both been through it too.

I have to add to my last post that my dd is the light of my life, and her dad't too. We love her more than life itself. But she did come as one hell of a shock at the time!

LeQueen - I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from. And my dd has been in school FT for 5 years. (Maternelle here in Belgium). Sometimes I think of her midafternoon and just want to grab her and cuddle her.

Thanks for describing your experience LeQueen, I don't feel like such a crazy lady now

Oh and I do love my DS, really I do. I just sometimes feel trapped and the guilt makes me want to find the "right", or should that be "perfect" way to do things so everything will be ok again.

That's why all these theories are so attractive, but make me angry because they turn out to be bollocks.

I think that many parents are terrified of getting it wrong. They look to hang onto something which other people have validated. I know I did at first. And certainly having PND doesn't help that especially if you have a crying non sleeping baby.

It's all so frightening and worrying, being a parent, it takes a while to come to terms with it. Actually the parents who make me feel inadequate are the ones who say that they didn't do anything and thir child turned out perfectly. Still my mantra, about parenthood is, whatever gets you through within reason, of course and because of that I don't care whether you bf, ff, blw or whatever. And I certainly don't care what you call it.

Well said MissBeehiving

Can I bang a gavel now?

"Continuous Routine Averse Parenting"

....I couldn't take it :-)

And all this PND mawk - I can see you closet MC lot are well into your 2nd glasses of pinot grigio :o

No, I'm not trying to cause an argument. I don't often post in AIBU and I shouldn't have done today. I do find the inconsistency irritating but after all, it doesn't really matter

at Omigawd

all round, middle or working class, sane or not.

nothing wrong with trying to be a good parent
op is chattering class rubbish

I like this thread!

There is nothing wrong with trying to be a good parent. Most of us do that on a daily basis. The point is that doing x,y and z does not necessarily make you a good parent, as opposed to those that didn't consider x,y and z remotely important.