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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you be happy with a same age friend having a sexual relationship with your teenage son?

92 replies

organictwat · 15/06/2011 08:57

A friend of mine has an 18 year old son, he is secretly having a relationship with a woman she knows (both women in their early 40's) that the mother doesn't know about.

Personally I wouldn't be happy with this if I were (knowingly) in this situation and I'm wondering how other women would feel?

OP posts:

Gooseberrybushes · 15/06/2011 08:59

I cannot conceive of such a thing delighting anyone let alone the mother.

Hullygully · 15/06/2011 09:01

Been there done that (in reverse). No harm done, it passes because one day you look at them and think euggh you're old

Original poster

organictwat · 15/06/2011 09:01

It's not so much the age difference that would bother me, more the fact that 18 years old is barely an adult

OP posts:

Cattleprod · 15/06/2011 09:03

I suppose it's legal, but it's not ideal, especially if it's being conducted in secret. It's especially creepy if this friend has known the son since childhood.

youmeatsix · 15/06/2011 09:03

as the mother of a teen son myself, and usually a housefull of teen boys, it certainly doesnt appeal to me, nice lads and all but i look at them the same way i do my son,
i wouldnt want it for my son either

MollysChamber · 15/06/2011 09:04

Well I don't have sons I have daughters but if it was one of them seeing a 40+year old at 18 then no I wouldn't be delighted but at 18 they're an adult so not much a parent can do really.

I think it's crossing a line if the older person is a family friend though.

TattyDevine · 15/06/2011 09:07

Its a bit creepy but I expect it will fizzle out before too long.

That, and the fact its legal, mean that if it were my son, I would probably turn a blind eye and not get too involved, however I probably wouldn't view my friend in the same light again.

squeakytoy · 15/06/2011 09:09

My stepson was once seeing one of my friends... he was 19, she was 34.. I wasnt too impressed tbh. It didnt last thankfully.

wordsonapage · 15/06/2011 09:10

Well I wouldn't be turning cartwheels of joy but to be honest whoever lands up with my PFB is going to make me worry.

I'd be fretting about grandkids though (if it were a serious relationship)
If it were a shaggathon fun thing then I'd probably think ..well its good experience wahey

[i am very shallow and like Hully went out with a MUCH older man in my teens which if my parents had clued in on it would have had them totally freaked)

QuintessentialShadow · 15/06/2011 09:12

When I was 20, I had a friend, my age, he had been in a "relationship" with a woman in her late 60s since he was around 18. He spoke very fondly of her, though at the time, he did not see her very often. The woman was a friend of his mums, so it was kept a secret. I dont think his mum (now passed) ever knew about it. But it fizzled out when me and him moved to London, and gave my friend fond memories.
One of the few women he had ever been in a relationship with, as he has settled for men.

Psammead · 15/06/2011 09:18

I don't think I'd be attracted to such a young person. So I would find it a bit ick.

Bucharest · 15/06/2011 09:23

18 yr olds become parents, every day of the week.

I thought this was going to be about 2 13 yr olds shagging.

Methinks young feller-me-lad has been watching too much Waterloo Rd. (just make sure he's not booked any weekends in Gretna in the near future)

He's of age. So is she. Personally I find any big age difference odd, and I imagine his mother would go batshit if she found out, but as others have said, this too will pass.

MrsDrOwenHunt · 15/06/2011 09:27

oh noooooo, ds (5) is not gonna date anyone until hes at least 21, and i am certainly not having some middle aged woman perving on my son!! i think that jacob boy off twilight is cute but perving on him at my age is all wrong! imagine u were his mum and had to read that women ur age wanna do things to ure son!!!!!!

sundayrose10 · 15/06/2011 09:28

Hell to the farkin NO!

Morloth · 15/06/2011 09:33

Would I be happy? Fuck no.

Would I keep my gob shut if my DS was of legal age? Yes.

Would I have anything to do with said friend ever again? Nope.

QueenofDreams · 15/06/2011 09:36

My brother had a relationship with a woman twice his age when he was 16. TBH I think it screwedhim up a bit. I always thought it was icky because she picked him up at a 16th birthday party.

I wouldn't be happy but as stated before he is legally an adult so not much can be done about it. I do find it disturbing that she is a friend of the family. I've had TWO friends of my Dad come onto me and found it a really horrible experience, and almost scary.

midori1999 · 15/06/2011 09:36

I wouldn't be thrilled about it, but at 18 my son would be an adult and I suspect prefer to be treated as such, so for the sake of our relationship I would keep quiet and let him get on with it.

I can't see the attarction for an older woman though, I'm not 40 yet, but am surrounded by young lads as we live on an army camp. They barely look old enough to drink to me, let alone go to war and they make me feel very old, I certainly couldn't see any of them in 'that' way.

threefeethighandrising · 15/06/2011 09:37

I think a lot depends on the personalities of the people involved, the maturity of the younger partner and the nature of the relationship.

So, if it's just about sex / friendship, the 18 year old has a mature head, and the older woman expects and encourages him to ultimately find someone nearer his age to have a relationship with then I don't see the problem in that relationship. (Although I think there is still an abuse of trust between the two women, I don't think it's being a good friend or acceptable to sleep with your mate's children).

However if the relationship is in any way coercive, or controlling, if the 18 year old is young for his age or the older woman plays emotional games with him, then that's not great.

TurkeyBurgerThing · 15/06/2011 09:43

I wouldn't be too impressed. But it's not actually illegal. 18 is an adult and at that age you let go of them and they go off and make their own mistakes...'tis called life.

He's probably delighted he's bagged a MILF. She's probably delighted that there's life in the old dog yet. I visualise a Robert Pattinson vs Kylie type set up in my head here....but in reality it's probably like something of t'Jeremy Kyle Show.

hellospoon · 15/06/2011 09:49

Hmm I don't see the problem with ages differences. However I do see the problem with family friends and their friends son.

MrsDrOwenHunt · 15/06/2011 09:56

i see a massive problem with age difference, if ds came home and said he was dating a cougar i would rip her head off!

EricNorthmansMistress · 15/06/2011 09:57

If a friend of mine had a sexual relationship with my son at 18 I'd punch her in the face. No I'm not kidding.

MrsDrOwenHunt · 15/06/2011 09:58

hell yes erica even if she wasnt a friend too!!

diddl · 15/06/2011 10:03

I wouldn´t be happy about it.

And I wouldn´t be letting his gfriend stay over

FoofffyShmoofffer · 15/06/2011 10:09

I wouldn't be happy at all.

However, my BIL is married to a woman his mothers age. MIL likes her better than me so obviously all mothers don't feel the same.

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