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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you be happy with a same age friend having a sexual relationship with your teenage son?

92 replies

organictwat · 15/06/2011 08:57

A friend of mine has an 18 year old son, he is secretly having a relationship with a woman she knows (both women in their early 40's) that the mother doesn't know about.

Personally I wouldn't be happy with this if I were (knowingly) in this situation and I'm wondering how other women would feel?

OP posts:

jacobdezoet · 15/06/2011 20:22

I am not sure I agree that these things always fizzle out... ime if we are attracted to people, if the attraction is strong then they often come into our lives again. I see that all the time.
And I also think that it's a bit pointless to speculate why someone should be attracted to someone much older/younger than them. If two people are into each other, it's as simple as that isn't it? I mean we can try and but all sorts of explanations on it, but lust/attraction is a pretty basic thing.

FabbyChic · 15/06/2011 20:24

Any man or woman who has a relationship with someone whose age means they could be their own child is sick.

Im 46 if i had a relationship with a 18 year old they would be the same age as my own son, real sickening, and somewhat perverse.

jacobdezoet · 15/06/2011 20:31

Well that's a bit strong I think.
I don't think attraction works like that, imo. I have been attracted to people. all sorts of people, my own age and older/younger.
I have a dear friend in a relationship with a man twenty years her junior. They are in love, and I think it's very harsh to describe that as 'sick' tbh. You don't know, so don't judge.

expatinscotland · 15/06/2011 20:34

'ime if we are attracted to people, if the attraction is strong then they often come into our lives again.'

Good god, I hope not! The man I felt the most strongly attracted to (and he to me) was very bad for me (outside bed). We were bad for each other (outside bed). No big age difference, I was born in February and he was born in August of the same year.

But it's not always good for some people to come into your life again.

peanutbutterkid · 15/06/2011 20:34

That's a bit harsh, Fabby. Many people are partnered with someone at least 16 yrs their senior/junior.

akaEmmaFrost · 15/06/2011 20:34

Fabbychic dont be so bloody ridiculous.

Both of my SIL are extremely happy with men old enough to be their fathers. The older you get the less it matters.

Saying that though if my ds had an affair with one of my mates I would have a farkin fit!!

noddyholder · 15/06/2011 20:46

Well when I listen to some of the 'conversations' my ds and his mates have I would think it very odd that someone adult together and just older would want to be involved with anyone of that age! I think it would be a power thing in many ways a bit Mrs Robinson

missinglalaland · 15/06/2011 20:58

You asked if I would be happy for my 18 year old son to have a sexual relationship with my 40 year old friend. NO! I don't have a son, but if I imagine myself in the situation, I feel my blood pressure go up immediately. I would feel that my precious child was being taken advantage of by a selfish old slapper who was stealing his youth and his innocence, when he should be exploring adult relationships with a peer nearer to his own age.

Hypothetically, I can understand it. But being honest, I would be incandescent with rage and hurt.

darleneoconnor · 15/06/2011 21:04

tbh I think I'd sleep easier at night knowing my 18yo DS was with a 40something woman than a 16yo girl.

jacobdezoet · 15/06/2011 21:07

Sorry expat... I didn't mean to get you worried...
I am currently being pursued with some force by a man I first had a thing with 25 years ago... he comes and goes. And then comes back again... probably until we die..

expatinscotland · 15/06/2011 21:07

Why, darlene? 40-year-old's can get pregnant as well as 16-year-olds.

jacobdezoet · 15/06/2011 21:10

But noddy 18 year olds vary hugely. Some are children and some are adults, in terms of conversation and emotional maturity.
When I was 18 I spent a lot of time with older people. Age is just a number.
And anyway these two might not be interested in conversation tbh.

ohmyfucksy · 15/06/2011 21:20

Well my H married his first wife before I was even born. So smoke that.

I would be a bit 'woah' but I don't think I would be angry

TeaAndToast68 · 15/06/2011 22:10

lots of mothers would "throw a fit" which explains why their sons wouldn't tell them.

18 y-o-s don't usually respond well to being told who they may and may not have relationships with. IMO best to hope it works out OK and stand well back.

Dragonwoman · 15/06/2011 22:42

I am 40 & admit to being attracted to men in their late teens/early 20's, rather than older men. It's not 'sick' they look like men not boys at that age. I have never done anything about it because I'm married, so not in the market for a fling, but if I were single I would sleep with an 18 yr old if there was mutual attraction & the opportunity. I don't think I would want a proper relationship with an 18 yr old though.
However, my sons are still very young - under 5. I guess I don't yet see myself as mother age to a teen even though I realise its a biological fact that I could be. However, friends sons should really be off-limits as a matter of good manners!

Goblinchild · 15/06/2011 22:52

My son is 16, looks around 18 and has an emotional maturity level of about 13.
So middle-aged women casting a lascivious eye on him would piss me off, and as a teacher I would hope to keep my libido under wraps.
Fancying my DD's male friends would also seem an obscene and predatory emotion. She's 20 and knows some lovely men.
I can admire beauty in the abstract, but to act on it with someone still so young and inexperienced? No.

hellymelly · 15/06/2011 22:53

My friend's mother was 20 when she married her dad,who was 60 at the time.They had a happy marriage,two children.She was actually the more sensible and mature partner.18 is young I agree,but then when I see Sam Taylor Wood looking so in love with her partner I think well...maybe its ok? Unusual,but ok.

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