To be upset about DPs porn habit?

[Flojo1979]

Ok, too much info for a monday morning. I dont get the whole porn thing, i hate it. I think its my DP getting off on another woman etc etc. Told him this a few months ago, b4 he moved in and expected him to respectfully refrain from such things. Since then hes moved in and well to put it blunt, got it on tap so has no reason to watch ever again, right?
So last night i said lets go for an early night (nudge nudge wink wink) and he said no I'll stop up for a bit u go up etc, fair enough, a guys allowed to say no ta too and off i toddled to bed. I heard his laptop boot up and when he went to work this morning in my usual suspicious ways, i checked his history, and he was on porn last night, when i was in bed!
Angry, furious, annoyed, upset, betrayed and oh feeling like he prefers that to me, and i must be rubbish!

I don't look at porn it does nothing for me, my DH masterbates and his "wank" material is not porn it's naughty pictures of me. I know before me he looked at porn and I have but sadly does nowt for me. As we all share a computer and DD uses it he wouldn't be that stupid to look at it, I trust him

Prince, lots of people here have said (on this thread and others) that they would not want to be with a man who used porn. I think that's pretty condemnatory

Curry Condemning in what way? People are able to choose who they do and don't want to be in a relationship with aren't they?

I don't get your point - are you asserting some kind of basic human right for porn users to be in relationships?

dad please, please will you just read what hellatwork is writing to you

lower your defences and just read it, and think

just think

watch that Max Hardcore documentary and come back, like she said

I guarantee it will change your viewpoint

I don't guarantee many things, but in this I am steadfast

have you realised yet that the women on here are not frigid lesbo types who hate men ?

because if at least you acknowledge that (I guess you do because you are still here) then we have achieved something here

btw, just "clicking away" from an unhappy, coerced woman you came across during your porno travels is not enough is it ?

if you saw a woman being similarly mistreated down your local pub, or a female member of your family was being abused, would you "just look the other way" ?

you have a mother, sisters, a partner, daughters maybe ?

think on

But no-one has described people who look at porn, as misogynistic purveyors of sex trafficking.

That's you condemning porn-watchers, not those of us who are arguing against it from a political POV.

My view would be that most porn users are simply unaware of what they are buying into, when they watch porn. So the more often those of us who are aware, can say it, the more likely some porn users are going to be informed and then they can either make a different choice, or at least they will be making an informed choice to support sex trafficking, slavery and torture.

There are lots of things that used to be done by the majority of the population that are now widely condemned as being sexist/racist/homophobic or unethical.

I don't understand your point, CS, about women saying they wouldn't want to be in a sexual relationship with someone who used porn. That doesn't even mean women are condemning it - we're not obliged to have sex with men to show our approval of their behaviour. We (individually) can choose to have sexual relationships with men or not have sexual relationships with them based on any criteria we choose.

But perhaps I have missed or misunderstood your point.

curryspice I don't get tht either btw - I refuse to be in a relationship with a smoker as well, it's pretty much a deal-breaker for me - I jsut find it an unpleasant habit and I don't want it round me. But that doesn't mean I'm condemning smokers as foul purveyors of cancer, it just means I choose not to date them.

curry I have several dealbreakers when it comes to relationships, don't you ?

they are my own personal ones, I have earned the right to them many times over

just because you might hold to them, does not invalidate them in any way

I don't actually care how much of the "normal population" that might preclude me getting close to

I choose my partners and my friends wisely

might not hold to them

Despite the fact that I have a pretty emotional, visceral anti-porn reponse, I do think it's possible for some porn to be non-exploitative. Genuine DIY porn, for example (ie, where the participants really are completely willing and enthusiastic). 'Ethical' porn, where the actors do it with Fairtrade cucumbers are well paid, looked after healthwise and get to contribute to the scenarios, have some say in the edit, etc. I still wouldn't watch it myself, but I wouldn't necessarily condemn others for doing so.

I read a blog post a while back in which it was suggested that porn should be properly unionised. I've thought about it quite a lot since, and - given that, sadly, I don't think a porn-free world is in the offing any time soon - I think it's an interesting suggestion for taking the rape, trafficking and exploitation out of porn.

I think the problem with "DIY porn" is that often, it's not DIY at all. It's professional deliberately made out to look like ordinary people because there's a market for it.

And real DIY porn is also not necessarily ethical because as someone said eons ago, people who have made it for each other and have then split, are not necessarily asked their consent when one partner decides to put in on the internet.

Like you, OP I would have felt hurt too if my dp chose porn instead of sex with me, that does seem strange. Although it might be hes doing it because you forbade it iyswim? Perhaps the idea is more fun if he knows he "not allowed"?

I agree with some of the feminist critiques about porn but have mixed feelings about it and I have sometimes enjoyed watching it myself so cannot really judge any partner of mine about it!

I dont think men enjoy watching porn because they wish they wish their girlfriend looked like the woman in the films, I think they like watching bodies engaging in sex and nothing more. Otherwise they wouldnt want to watch men in the films would they?

HerBeX, yes, you're right that that's a problem. I meant more that it's possible for genuine DIY porn to be ethical, rather than that all porn that purports to be DIY is ethical.

haw

sorry , i have some time tonight so i can do some catching up
herbex what i meant concerning evedence was i have no evedence that some women enjoy making amerture porn, i realise HAW will find some evedence of exploitation thats clear, the porn industry will have it's exploitative areas. no, what i mean is she has no evedence that some women dont enjoy it , get excited by it etc.

haw

please dad spare us your wanking repertoire, if you please

I too have a story to tell about porn in my past and yes anyfucker I do have a number of deal breakers. And I can assure you that you have no idea about my personal opinions on porn Now or in the past or how "hard won" those may be!

I also think you are being a bit niaive ( I can never remember how to spell that!! Is that right??) to think that none of your friends looks at porn. I think that is statistically very unlikely!! (or else you have very few friends! )

Your wife is presumably ok with that amount of wanking to porn then, is she dad ?

2/3 times a day, how do you find time to go to work, let alone have sex with your wife?

Sounds a little erm, compulsive.

curry...where have I said none of my friends look at porn ?

could you point that out for me ?

I was talking about deal breakers in general, of which a selfish and self-entitled attitude towards porn is just one of them. I am sure lots of people I know use porn. That isn't what I am saying, and nor is it what others on this thread are trying to convince you of.

and it's naive

Likeminded people tend to become friends though, and get into relationships with each other. Very few people are going to have a friendship group that is representative, in statistical terms, of the whole of society.

just finished reading the 'story of O' written by a woman pauline reage , dont think you would like it somehow.
i diddnt say that women were visually unstimulatable btw.

assumption , and none , it just seemed to be the likley senario.

I just knew there was an issue with an i in that word

Your post of 18:40 said "you chose your friends and partners wisely" (sorry can't c&p) which said to me that you srlected your friends and partners because they don't use porn

Mind you, if I were your RL friend and you patronised Meike you did in that post I'd be tempted to rush hone and knock one put to youporn just to spire you :o

Correct me if I'm wrong I'm sure you will