To be upset about DPs porn habit?

[Flojo1979]

Ok, too much info for a monday morning. I dont get the whole porn thing, i hate it. I think its my DP getting off on another woman etc etc. Told him this a few months ago, b4 he moved in and expected him to respectfully refrain from such things. Since then hes moved in and well to put it blunt, got it on tap so has no reason to watch ever again, right?
So last night i said lets go for an early night (nudge nudge wink wink) and he said no I'll stop up for a bit u go up etc, fair enough, a guys allowed to say no ta too and off i toddled to bed. I heard his laptop boot up and when he went to work this morning in my usual suspicious ways, i checked his history, and he was on porn last night, when i was in bed!
Angry, furious, annoyed, upset, betrayed and oh feeling like he prefers that to me, and i must be rubbish!

Dh used to use porn and I hated it. To my knowledge he doesn't any more, but I would be upset if I found out he was. I am happy to watch soft porn/erotic films together if he wants to, I just think the hardcore type stuff around the internet is damaging to how men view women in general. If dh chose to go behind my back it may be a dealbreaker, everyone's different though obviously and some wives might not mind. So in your situation, op, yanbu.

who me prince? i am really interested to know though if its just wanking to porn she objects to or wanking in general.

Interesting the Dad has only given us an insight into the man's perspective on the continued use of porn and does not acknowledge that the OP finds it upsetting and has already told her DP that she does not want his to use it.

So how would a man treat a DP's feelings if he knew porn upset her?

@ cannydoit sorry if my generalising upset you, but it was exactly that, generalising, some women will be more visual than others in what arouses them, and i'm sure there are many men who would get off on an erotic text.

Does your wife know about your prolific porn use dadof2?

I seriously doubt you are for real after reading some of your other charming posts.

I feel sorry for your wife and children if those are your actual opinions though.

I was also upset by your generalising Dad. Was that an apology to me too? Or do you only apologise people who also use porn?

OP - I am sorry. I am derailing your thread.

If your DP already knew that you were not up for tolerating his use of porn once you were living together then he is:
(a) happy to deceive you (but not even respectful enough to cover his tracks - delete history is very easy to do)
(b) preferring a wank to porn than sex (in this instance) which IS a direct comparison. He did not say "Oh no you're alright, why don't you sort yourself out while I wank to these women on-screen instead of having sex with you?" But that is what he did. Which makes it a lot more hurtful.

I think you need to have a serious talk about YOUR need for a fulfilling sex life (Dad seems to think only men are entitled to this).

Also am concerned that you have DC in the house that might use a laptop that has a porn history on it? I would definitely be talking to him strongly if that is the case.

Why do the pro-porn brigade always assume that not liking porn = not liking a good wank? Some of us have imaginations and a plethora of past good times to reminisce over.

"there he is with a raging hard-on next to the woman who's body he desires and he cant sleep, not ideal, believe me".

That's just about the most ridiculous thing I've ever read on here, and that's saying something.

Well said SWC. It was like holding up a mirror to his "insight".

Totally agree with hellatwork,

This exact situation nearly destroyed mine and DP's relationship. It has taken a lot of hard work on his part for me to get somewhere towards the trust I used to have in him.

On relentlessly examining his reasons, it started when DD1 was born. She didn't sleep so sex was just not on my list of priorities. Porn was easily accessible to him, it was easier than waiting for me and he knew it would piss me off. He wanted to piss me off basically as a very childish way of attracting my attention, when it didn't work porn became habit. I don't think he realised/stopped to think how it would affect our relationship.

It took about 2 years of crapness to get to where we are now and the process has really changed DP's outlook on many more things than just porn. If it hadn't we wouldn't still be together.

Oh god what have i started! I only popped out for a couple of hrs to the local parent and toddler group!
Firstly no i dont object to DP 'wanking', I just question why he seemed to prefer that act to full intercourse with me, or perhaps why he didnt involve me.

And secondly i dont like porn since it feels to me like some sort of betrayal, as tho he's getting off on other women when he should only have eyes for me. On a personal level, I'd never think about (or look at) another guy, it'd repulse me not turn me on. And i'm concerned that if he gets turned on by other women on a screen and cant resist that then perhaps he cant resist the real thing behind my back either?

msbuggy, what kind of process? what happened in those 2 yrs to change things?

Its is sickening to find the hubbie looking at other women having sex on his computer and lusting after them and having a wank afterwards. Its very demeaning and corruptible. Research has shown that many sex crimes against women was the result of men addicted to porn.
Men who wank over porn are animals and will want their wives to also indulge in all the frankly disgusting and horrible things that pass as porn.

kill his sorry arse

dadof2buggers, you sound as much fun in the bedroom as you are in the supermarket

I woukdn't give a toss (no pun intended) about my DH watching porn, I would however be very aggrieved if it was optioned over the real thing with me!

YANBU about that point OP, but I see no problem with it otherwise.

Well i can understand that you are up-set i would be 2. I do agree with may-be he has a fetish thing going, when u check his history, click on it and see what porn sites he is going on and have a look yourself. At the end of the day, the best you can do is have a chat with him and decide from there. Men and woman do watch porn it's a fact. root of all evil? i dont think so, we are curious, but there is a time and a place and for some reason he is choosing the porn. Go check what site he frequents, see if he has a fetish, if not sit down and talk, but you will have to own up to checking his computer!

May I here just declare my love for HellatWork.

Not sure if I can cope with going back to read the rest of the thread...

He prefers to wank over porn than fuck you?

What a wanker.

Jesus. LIterally.

Chuck him out. There are loads of men out there who prefer real life women and porn users aren't usually very good at the old other anyway.

I think thats why i dont want to talk, cos then i have to own up!!
Its a general site, one with everything on. He'd have been looking at womens boobs. But he could have looked at real ones so if he gets off at looking at others women on a screen then surely he might stray? or maybe if i talk to him and ban the porn then I'll make him more likely to stray. He knows i dont like it but did it anyway, maybe if i hadnt told him i didnt like it and didnt want him to use it, he'd have been less secretive but i'm not the kind of person who says nothing.

As a man, I rather suspect that Dadof2 may be an idiot - though in defence of his typping siklss, maybe he's finding it difficult to write and wank at the same time.

Though on the other hand (ahahaha), I think TheTruth is being a bit hysterical:

"Men who wank over porn are animals and will want their wives to also indulge in all the frankly disgusting and horrible things that pass as porn."

What, all men are like that? Filthy beasts that can't get through the day without frottering themselves to a sick and twisted climax? Bearing in mind that (sweeping generalisation alert), any man that doesn't wank, also lies.

LOL at frottering, I like that word.

What does it mean?

Frottering: "To gain erotic pleasure from rubbing up against random strangers in crowded public areas."

So what if he's lying there with a raging hard on? UNless he's got no hands (I can see that would be a disadvantage but it's not necessarily insurmountable) what's the problem, why can't he just have a wank?