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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel utterly betrayed and let down by my family

232 replies

letdownagain · 12/06/2011 19:55

My DS has been going through a really bad time. He's suffering from severe depression and has been having a really hard time. My family have never really helped him in any way.

Recently he met a woman online. He asked my sister to put them up whilst they were in the London (the first time he and this woman would have met- he was looking forward to it). It was hard for him to ask my sister as he doesn't see her or her kids often (maybe once a year). My sister is younger than me with young children and she made up some exuse not to have them stay with her.

Unfortunetly that relationship with the woman he met online didn't work out. They didn't meet in the end because she dumped him for someone else she'd met on line, he was devastated.

Now he has met someone new. He asked my sister again if he and his girlfriend could stay. He is in desperate need of a break and he and his girlfriend could really enjoy being away together.

My sister has said that whilst it would be fine to have him there it would be difficult for them to come as a couple as her kids (2 and 5) haven't met the girlfriend and she'd feel 'uncomfortable' with the kids going in to the frontroom (she doesn't have a spareroom) and playing etc whilst they were asleep/ together.

WTF!

I have always been so generous and kind to her kids and thought we had a good relationship and I am so hurt she has rejected my DS in this way.

I have told her this and said it hurts that she doesn't trust my DS. I have told her I am not speaking to her.

She say's she doesn't have the space (what room for one but not a couple Confused) and that because her kids use the frontroom to play in it would be difficult.

I just feel it's another example of my family happily taking from me and not giving to my children in any way.

AIBU.

OP posts:
ednurse · 12/06/2011 20:26

I'd be a bit pissed off if I (as a gf) was taken to my bf's aunties house for a dirty weekend.....

wantingonemore · 12/06/2011 20:29

YABVVVU!!!
Can you answer some questions op?
How old is your ds?,
Why can't they book into a hotel?
Has he ever visited your sister alone? (without wanting to use her home as a hostel!)
Are you REALLY being seious???

likingthespring · 12/06/2011 20:33

Sorry but I agree with everyone else that YABVU. It's quite an odd request and I certainly wouldn't agree to it if either if I was your sister. You shouldn't fall out with her over it.

GiddyPickle · 12/06/2011 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoffyMefferson · 12/06/2011 20:36

OP, if your boy has depression he needs stability, not to be set up a a future Jeremy Kyle candidate.

Fair play, your DS and his girlfriend might have been shagging on the first date, but to introduce a woman he has been involved with to a distant relative (and if he hardly sees her like you said, she is distant) and spend a night or two in said relatives house is inappropriate. Privacy/dignity is needed here on all sides.

Also, the credence given to an online relationship: you are his Mum and it is good you are his protector, but an "online relationship" is an oxymoron from my point of view.

The use of over emotive language over all this is surely going to be a stress factor for anyone with depression.

firsttimemum77 · 12/06/2011 20:37

Sorry but YABU. I wouldn't feel comfortable having my nephew, or anyone else for that matter, stay over with someone they just met online. I would be very uneasy about having a stranger in the house, especially with young dc's.

If your DS needs a break could he not pay for a hotel? Or you could pay for a night away for him?

Glitterknickaz · 12/06/2011 20:38

sorry..... what planet are you on?

MsTeak · 12/06/2011 20:39

Your sister is far more reasonable than you are, thats for certain.

Original poster
letdownagain · 12/06/2011 20:40

He's mid twenties.

He doesn't have much money.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 12/06/2011 20:44

I wouldnt want some random stranger in my house, which is who the girlfriend is. Not to stay, what if she was a thief or a druggie.

Your son is not exactly going to know much about her after 3 weeks.

darleneoconnor · 12/06/2011 20:45

a great catch then?

Blatherskite · 12/06/2011 20:45

YABVU!

If it were me, when he'd asked that first time "Auntie Blathers, I'm off out in London to meet a complete stranger, can I bring her back to yours and shag her in your lounge?", I'd have crossed him off the list of possible overnight guests forever!

Depression is an awful thing - I suffered for years and years - and I'm telling you, he needs to have more respect for himself than to be shagging random women on a first date.

Think about it from her point of view...she's got two small children, who will no doubt be up at the crack of dawn if mine are anything to go by, if she says yes, she's either got to keep them out of thier playroom and amused for hours until your DS and his GF get up or go knocking on the door to possibly find a relative stranger and a complete stranger shagging!!

It would be very uncomfortable and is rather disrespectful of your DSis to even ask in the first place IMO!

LRDTheFeministDragon · 12/06/2011 20:49

let - are you in a position to lend him some?

Honestly, I think his judgment may be a bit clouded, but this plan isn't going to make him popular with his new girlfriend, I'm sure. He'd be better off taking her out for a good cheap meal somewhere, or a walk in the country, or a film - really anything that doesn't involve her having to sleep on the sofa of a woman she's never met before.

2littlegreenmonkeys · 12/06/2011 20:56

YABU, Very U.

I would be mightily pissed off if a family member wanted to use my house as a free hotel. Let alone bring a partner of only 3 weeks in to my home where my DC are. No way in hell.

Rainydaze · 12/06/2011 21:00

Why on earth would a man in his mid-twenties want to stay in his Aunty's living room? If I met a bloke and that was his idea of a weekend away, I'd be rather displeased, to say the least! Very weird idea of a first date!

Sorry. YABVU.

Rainydaze · 12/06/2011 21:02

Ah, not a first date? Very weird idea of showing a girl a good time though anyway! Grin

As others have said, if money's an issue there are a squillion better things to do than dossing on someone's living room floor.

MoonGirl1981 · 12/06/2011 21:02

DontGoCurly Sun 12-Jun-11 20:12:20
3 weeks!!??! I have food in the fridge oder than that!!!

Ewwwwwwww!!!

(Only joking, trying to lighten the mood.)

xxxxx

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 12/06/2011 21:08

It is (allegedly) summer. Fresh air and exercise will do wonders your ds's depression. If money's tight, buy him a secondhand tent and send the pair of them off to walk the Pennine, North, South Downs Way or another national trail - preferably for charity.

While they're wandering free, you can spend time getting back in touch with reality because stating that you 'feel utterly betrayed and let down by my family' in relation to this matter indicates that you're currently away with the fairies.

BuntyPenfold · 12/06/2011 21:09

Can't they go to her place?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 12/06/2011 21:09

even do wonders 'for' your ds's depression.

olibeansmummy · 12/06/2011 21:17

Why do they need to get away on a break anyway? If they've only been together 3 weeks, surely there's still plenty of places nearby they could go on dates and if it's to help his depression then surely he could go alone?

magicmelons · 12/06/2011 21:19

Izzy is right, camping is a much better idea and a good way to impress a first date. I don't really see why he needs to go away what's wrong with just going to the cinema. It's not Like they should be desperate for a get away having only known each other 3 weeks. At that stage in your relationship each others company should be enough.

magicmelons · 12/06/2011 21:20

X posts

NonnoMum · 12/06/2011 21:23

My daughter has been going out with a young man for about 3 weeks. He seems like a right catch. He's a bit broke so don't be wining and dining her. He wants to take her to his auntie's house and ignore her children. He sees his auntie fairly rarely.
His mother is encouraging him to take my daughter there. Apparently they will bed down in the play room and shag amongst the play dough. The kids might get up early and disturb them. AIBU to not let her see this young man? His mother is encouraging this romantic liaison.

NonnoMum · 12/06/2011 21:24

won't not don't