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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel utterly betrayed and let down by my family

232 replies

letdownagain · 12/06/2011 19:55

My DS has been going through a really bad time. He's suffering from severe depression and has been having a really hard time. My family have never really helped him in any way.

Recently he met a woman online. He asked my sister to put them up whilst they were in the London (the first time he and this woman would have met- he was looking forward to it). It was hard for him to ask my sister as he doesn't see her or her kids often (maybe once a year). My sister is younger than me with young children and she made up some exuse not to have them stay with her.

Unfortunetly that relationship with the woman he met online didn't work out. They didn't meet in the end because she dumped him for someone else she'd met on line, he was devastated.

Now he has met someone new. He asked my sister again if he and his girlfriend could stay. He is in desperate need of a break and he and his girlfriend could really enjoy being away together.

My sister has said that whilst it would be fine to have him there it would be difficult for them to come as a couple as her kids (2 and 5) haven't met the girlfriend and she'd feel 'uncomfortable' with the kids going in to the frontroom (she doesn't have a spareroom) and playing etc whilst they were asleep/ together.

WTF!

I have always been so generous and kind to her kids and thought we had a good relationship and I am so hurt she has rejected my DS in this way.

I have told her this and said it hurts that she doesn't trust my DS. I have told her I am not speaking to her.

She say's she doesn't have the space (what room for one but not a couple Confused) and that because her kids use the frontroom to play in it would be difficult.

I just feel it's another example of my family happily taking from me and not giving to my children in any way.

AIBU.

OP posts:
Tryharder · 12/06/2011 20:09

Why would your DS want to bunk down in your sister's living room with his new GF on what should be a romantic break. I can't imagine anything worse. Agree with everyone else. Book a B&B/Travelodge.

MigratingCoconuts · 12/06/2011 20:09

No, sorry but YABU for all the reasons given.

How old is your DS?

Hullygully · 12/06/2011 20:11

good one

Spuddybean · 12/06/2011 20:11

So he wanted to take a stranger there first, then that fell thru and then he asked if he could take someone else? does he just want somewhere to shag?

YABU!

Why would someone bring a stranger to someones house for their 'holiday' and live on their sofa. If they have only been together for 3 weeks they will be at it like rabbits and that is totally inappropriate.

How can you feel 'betrayed'? if i was your sister i'd be annoyed to be even asked.

Seriously seriously totally unacceptable!

magicmelons · 12/06/2011 20:11

Btw what's your sons depression got to do with this, getting a gf is not going to magically make it go away.

MadamDeathstare · 12/06/2011 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 12/06/2011 20:11

Sorry, I'm with everyone else. I don't have a spare room and I wouldn't be happy with two people sleeping in my front room if I barely knew one and had never met the other. Why couldn't he book into a travel lodge?

DontGoCurly · 12/06/2011 20:12

3 weeks!!??! I have food in the fridge oder than that!!!

YABVU, your son can get his own place to stay. Its not your sisters job to accommodate him and his various girlfriends....

revolutionscoop · 12/06/2011 20:12

Op, is this a reversal? Are you actually the sister?

CrapBag · 12/06/2011 20:13

YABVU!

What a nerve that you expect your sister to put your son and some online girlfriend up in her house.

Pay for them to stay in a b&b if you are so concerned about him having a girlfriend.

belledechocchipcookie · 12/06/2011 20:13

Let me get this right. Your son wants to hook up with some woman he's met over the internet and shag her in your sister's house. Hmm I have one word to say; duh! Biscuit

FirstLadyOfStyle · 12/06/2011 20:14

Sorry but I also think YABVU.

I actually can't believe he or you thought it was okay to ask your sister to have someone none of you had ever met stay in her house with her children! There is no way on earth I would ever agree to that.

3 weeks really isn't long enough to know someone either. I can see why your sister would not want the new girlfriend staying either. Especially if she doesn't have a spare room.

Would your DS not prefer to stay in a cheap hotel?

letdownagain · 12/06/2011 20:14

Ok, perhaps I've over reacted.

I feel very protective of him and just felt very knocked back when I have been very giving to her.

OP posts:
verytellytubby · 12/06/2011 20:16

Bizarre.

Lindax · 12/06/2011 20:17

YABVU to feel utterly betrayed and let down by my family as they do not want their nephew, who they only see once a year, and a complete stranger bedding down in their house irrespective of the fact they also have young children.

You should have realised you were being unreasonable the first time and not put your sister in the awkward position of having to say no a second time.

LRDTheFeministDragon · 12/06/2011 20:18

letdown - well done on coming back and admitting that! Grin

Now, damage control: have you actually said any of this to your sister? And what do you plan to do for your DS?

belledechocchipcookie · 12/06/2011 20:18

Think about it from her pespective dear. Would you be happy if your nephew wanted to use your house as a knocking shop? Hmm

SuePurblybilt · 12/06/2011 20:18

I am wondering how he 'sold' this mini-break to his GF of 3 whole weeks. Come, my love, sleep on my Aunt's sofa in Streatham.....

OP, seriously, can you not help him out with the cash for a cheapo travelodge? It'd be nicer for them anyway.

BuntyPenfold · 12/06/2011 20:19

Wouldn't the girlfriend hate it anyway? No privacy at all in the home of a stranger.

revolutionscoop · 12/06/2011 20:19

Do you want her to let him stay for financial reasons, or to keep an eye on him? How old is your ds?

magicmelons · 12/06/2011 20:19

How old is your ds, if I was the new gf I would be very unimpressed by that arrangement and it would perhaps be the last time we met.

An old fashioned view bitbifbrhey have never met in RL shouldn't she be staying somewhere and he be staying with your sister and then be taking this girl on dates around London, that way he can still stay in her hotel if they hit it off?

BornInAfrica · 12/06/2011 20:20

Best post of the thread, if not the entire year so far -

darleneoconnor Sun 12-Jun-11 20:07:01

How old is your DS?

It doesn't matter anyway, as YABVVVVVVVU, and sound like abit of a loon tbh

No-one wants their toddler walking in on 2 cheapskate horndogs shagging on their living room floor!

Effin brilliant!

EllieG · 12/06/2011 20:22

YABU. Why should she be expected to put up his gfs? Especially when she doesn't know them (and neither does he, by the sound of it). I would have my nephew to stay any time. I would not have him and whatever random girl he was with just because he wanted to use my house, and not because it was to actually come and see me.

BeerTricksPotter · 12/06/2011 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PelvicFloorTrauma · 12/06/2011 20:24

You are being extraordinarily unreasonable. Your whole post SHOCKED me! So your son is supposed to be able to stay in her home with a complete stranger and consumate their relationship in what is effectively her children's playroom.