David Cameron welfare reforms-no family will receive more than £25,000 a year.

[Hammy02]

Good idea? I think so. I can't believe a single family receives this much already in benefits. It is about the same as the average income so it would be ridiculous for any one family to have more in benefits than someone that works?

Missed something out there- got distracted

nie for area house with big gaps around the doors (LL fitted them, bodged it), where only half the heaters work and where the only updating that's been done since 1970 has been done by us. Where the rear wall is collapsing and needs costly wotrk as it ahs a preservation order (not the house, just a specific wall) but where we can;t tell the LL in case they decide to sell. Wjere we can;t fit locks on the wooden window frames by rental contract so ds1 can escape over the roofs on meltdown.

Do I love my home? yes, ds4 was born here. It's by no means posh- general area recently exposed on QT as having significant problems. But it's OK. It's where we can move forwards, where we are happy enough. I think it's bottom 45% of rental proce sin the city but that's not enough. Truble is, anywhere that is in the price range we are not allowed to live.

And now I ahve to run- DH needs to make up some orders and needs the PC< plus I asked some friends to break my legs if they saw me hanging myself out on here agin. I quite like my legs intact.

peachy its a prime example of how things can go belly up despite a lot of hard work.

Disability is like that isn't it? And typically if you have one disabled kid you are more likely to have more, and more likely to end in poverty, divorce, insecure housing etc.

There are people out there taking the piss. If they have kids I want those helped, DH and I both pay taxes (well I pay NI, DH pays both) and that's a decent use IMO. if they don;t they should be psuhed ahrd as possible with caps whatever.

But i don;t think we will even have the stats soon. my mate has a son who is 17 and has AS. he has agoraphobia. ESA has just been refused; she has been told that she ahs to 'make' him go to work. Last time he elft the house was for school, it took the police to force him out by order of truancy people and they did it once. How is my five foot nothing petite friend supposed to force hier six foot son out of the door each day whilst he lashes at her? Why are the state agencies prepared to see people injured rather than help out where there is clear need?

"And typically if you have one disabled kid you are more likely to have more"

Why? And if so, why have more?

god, Rob. What is your solution. Sterilise the genetically unfit parents of disabled children? Starve any further children? idiocy. And far from the pragmatic realism right wingers pride themselves on.

I've reported that previous post of mine; it went too far. I just get so, so enraged by that glib response 'why have children then?' grrrr

A) Genetics

B) becuase in many cases syndromes such as ASD, ADHD etc are not picked up until later. And the stats aren;t known or certain either- so if you have one child with asd there's currently no way to tell whether it's genetic or compeltely unrelated. And if it is genetic the odds are still officially below 15% of a recurrence.

in our case certainly when ds3 was born we had no idea of the ASD genetics, and when ds4 was born all the boys were in mainstream education and getting along: and becuase ds2 appeared NT that we were told the odds were also in our favour. Also as I was an at home carer anyway and we didn't have to rely on state support it didn;t seem such a big risk: ds3 being teh exception who was too young to identify at that stage, the boys should all be economically active as adults. DS1 has a career that is well within his reach all planned out.

Will I have any more given the risks now known? no. But the boys were 5 and 6 when diagnosed, ds4 aged 3 when we cottoned on and ds2 a whole ten years old.

Some disabilities reveal themselves through tests or at birth, a great many do not. I was absolutely sure ds3 was NT for years but he lost skills. Went from berbal to not in a few days. He is the one I get carer's allowance for (it's only given once per family, probably rightly).

DS2, the most likely to have children of his own, is well aware of the increased risks he now ahs but it's a science still in it's infancy: hopefully by the time he is adult we will know far more about ASD and genetics. After all, my field is ASD and you still get all manner of theories through- very rarely is it accepted as a genetic disease except in famillies like mine. gradually risks and triggers are being identified and we might know an awful lot more soon. It's only 20 years since AS was really shown to be distinct in the UK from generic learning disabilities, we have such a very long way to go. And whilst DS1 has an exceptional talent he can pursue, for most people with AS (that's the level of 3 of my 4- there was no reason to suspect ds3 would be more functionally severe and indeed there was a head injury that may have been involved ) the most important thing to be learned is how to enable them to access ecducation and work effectively and live to their potential: hopefully my MA in ASD will help me manage that for the boys, I wish I could see more work in that line going on elsewhere. Far better investing money in maximising independence and life chances than maintaining people on benefits.

Actually I think that's where teh system is most screwed: the first things cut were the tings that helped people off benefits. They shouod be the last things to go. From relate counselling to proper differentiated education, they pay for themselves in the long term.

Some disabilities aren't diagnosed nor at times even diagnosable at birth rob sometimes you don't know for years.

I also note rob you haven't answered the question I have asked you twice already. What are you supposed to do when you already have children and things go belly up?

Also of course it can be the last baby born disabled.

Any last baby can be born disabled; nobody is ever certain a pregnancy will go to plan, or that they won;t themselves be disabled by this evening. It takes a stroke, a car accident, a drunk with a foul temper looking for a target.

Yep Peachy is right ds3 was my last child and it all went tits up from there .Then i became disabled so things went tits up with flowers on it how on earth am I meant to have seen that one coming ?

Really ROb you think I was living precasiously, you have a very narrow view of life if you believe that.

When dd was born I was married and both I and my husband worked. The mortgage was low, only £200 per month and I put a triple figure sum into a savings account every month by standing order. I had never been out of work for more than 2 weeks in the past and my now large savings gave me a buffer. If my husband had lost his job we would have been fin only cutting back on going out and on day trips as I earned a lot more. I had also calculated that if I lost my job we would manage the essentials simply by not going out, skipping our holiday and cancelling our sky contract so all in all no real hardship. If either of us died the mortgage was paid off by the insurance so that would have been £200 less in outgoings instantly and either would have managed fine by making the adjustments as above. Need to go get dd from school so I don't have time to explain what did happen but it wasn't from lack of planning on my part.

Rob.....

HOW FUCKING DARE YOU, ARSEHOLE.

Oh and fyi yes kids born before any diagnosis. Wanted them close together you see.

WANKER.

Rubbish Rob, especially in this day of high redundancies.

Oh and if you ahve a disabled child already youre not allowed to adopt, and you probably won't know about a genetic disorder until after the first child.

However I hope you do adopt if you have chidlren: I don't honestly beleive people who can't accept the risk a child will be disabled and need FT care at home should have children. If you have your kid already I hope for your sake and theirs they never have a disability thrust upon them.

Absolutely.
Too many parents have children without considering how their lives will change if that child has additional needs.

I'm guilty as charged.... I didn't consider that for a second.

I knew, I nursed before I had the boys.

Reason 2019825 why they will go into care over my dead body!

Do you know what?
I am waiting for a phone call to get my DD in to have cardiac surgery. She also needs 2 hearing aids. I'm trying to figure out how to reconfigure the budget when we lose £200 a month through cuts. DD isn't getting SALT months after she was supposed to, she has lost her Portage, DS2 is going through the statutory assessment process to try to get him into the ONLY school in the county that can meet his needs and no there are no places, DD is also starting statutory assessment, DS1 is showing some worrying new symptoms which need investigation and DH has the most horrendous depression. The child disability team at social services do not want to know as my children do not fit boxes on their criteria list.

This family is mentally and physically on its knees. I actually come to MN for a diversion, so I don't have to think about the fact I am holding this entire family together with a fucking thread and I end up having to defend my family on here against numerous shit heads who don't give a shit who is behind the username they mock.

I have to post, I have to fight back because I don't want ANYONE thinking that what these people post is true. I want them to know the hell we're going through.

I just wish to fuck you would listen.

RobF Hello, I've just come on to this thread, and I have to say that my economic life took a dreadful downturn the day my ex-H walked out on me and our two young children, giving me about ten minutes' notice.

He pays minimum child support; but refuses to look after his children at all during the day and during school holidays including inset days, half-terms and other school closures. I have always worked but my earning power has been severely affected by always having to be available, including the times when either of the children has been ill. This appalling disparity in responsibilities is allowed by the state and goes a very large way to making lone parents benefit-dependent.

As it happens I don't receive any benefits at all despite earning only £18,000 pa, but I do receive some tax credits and I thank the government for that.

My situation is precarious because of the unforseen circumstance of my husband abandoning us, and yet I work and I care and I give my children the best life that I can. They do well at school and are fab.

What might drive this situation into disaster would be if I, or one of my children, developed a serious illness or had a serious accident. I dread to think.

A scenario, my dear old daddy.

Started work aged 5. Always worked: used to do 20 days of 16 hour shifts at times. Was a manger at a factory (obviosuly not when he was 5, used to sell coal from a wqheelbarrow to buy his dinner).

Saved like hell for his pension: no holidays abraod, no car etc- all in pension. to be exact in two, as he ahd two employers in his career. One to buy a bungalow, one to keep them.

They ahd them checked regualrly too, by an IFA bloke.

A few eyars ago when Dad was sifty the cmpany was sold to a new owner from America. under American law the pensions fund was asset stripped to cover asbestos claims in the USA.

Dad is still working pushing 70 but thats limited obviously.

best laid plans etc can go badly awry. Easily.

RobF I hope you don't have kids anyway as they'll likely have your bigoted views. I have a 16 year old with ASD/ADHD and a 15 year old with ADHD, not something you can test for which is like the majority of disabilities plus often doesn't show up until they are toddlers.

It's people like you that stops my boy leaving the house without any one with him.

Glitter

If you were nearer I wold give you cake

But would you perhpas be best off taking an MN break with a cuppa? I will if you will

It is so fucking unfair when all you want to do is go somewhere for some headspace and then that's invaded by a bunch of fucknuts who don't give a shit what they do to people.

I don't just come here for the benefits threads but they do draw me in. I feel that I have to fight my kids' corner.

"It's people like you that stops my boy leaving the house without any one with him."

How so? Are you implying I hurl abuse at disabled people in the street?