to only invite one of a pair of twins to a birthday party?

[humptydumptynumptymumpty]

Dd is friends with one of a pair of identical twins. Last year I asked her who she wanted to invite and, being a crappy wohm didn't know who most of them were, just sent invites into school with the names on she'd said.

So one was brought by her mum... with her twin in tow looking a bit :(. Felt awful, but totally accidental.

This year, obv I know better - but the party is a bit tight for numbers, and really dd has to choose between inviting someone she's friends with and inviting the twin that she doesn't actually play with.

Anyone know what you do in this situation? Anyone with twins got an opinion?? (They're all 7 btw)

MumblingRagDoll - there are 3 classes of 30 children. There was obviously something in the water that year!

Why on earth would you see this as 'rubbing their nose in it?'

Each CHILD (note they are separate beings) will have different friends in different classes at school. Therefore it is not rubbing anyones nose in anything to go out to a friends invitation without your brother/sister.

I didnt expect my 3 daughters to be invited out all together or not at all. They're not triplets - but why would that change anything?

Personally i hate seeing twins dressed the same and having to do everything and go everywhere the same. In the primary school where i worked it was common for the parents of twins to request their children were put in seperate classes to help that growth as individuals.

I have twins and was actually thinking about emailing round my boys' class to let the mums know that it is ok to invite them to things separately. That said, I think a heads up email or phone call would be appreciated just so the mum knows and isn't scurrying through the second book bag to check whether they've both been invited. Then she can arrange something for the other girl if necessary. I know my boys understand that they have separate friends, but also have some "shared" friends. If one of the shared friends invited just one, that would take some managing, but it would be my responsibility.

Great that the twins are making separate friends and I hope your daughter has a good party.

Depends on size of class/variation in friends. I'm a twin and most invites were joint, but not all. However, we started out at school having separate friends and then gradually the 2 groups merged so that by the age of 16 or so we always went to the same parties because we were both friends with the people giving them.

However, I remember a bit of a fuss in P7 because names were being drawn out of a hat for a limited size class trip. My twin's name was drawn and the teacher automatically put me on the list too. Cue complaints from the unlucky members of the class. TBH, the teacher was probably wrong to do it, but at the time I was just glad that she had, because I really wanted to go!

Separate parties for twins and triplets??? isnt that alot more expensive and, tiring?!!

A2363 how the hell did you arrange separate parties for triplets??! (I struggle with 3 & they're spaced out through the year!)

schmee I do v little in the way of drop-offs/pick-ups, don't know the mum & can't contact her. As it happens am doing drop-off tomorrow, so if she's there I'll ask her. Did want to give the invites to dd to take in tomorrow though so it means delaying it til next week.

Valium - I'd be interested to know if you have twins or are a twin yourself?
My version of common sense is as follows:

In common with most of the multiple Mums posting I think it's fine to only invite one of the girls. My children are only 3 so at the moment they have so far always had joint invitations but next year when they go to school they will be in different classes. We chose a school which could accomodate separate classes precisely because it is so important for twins to have the opportunity to develop as individuals in their own right. I will expect that they will be invited to separate parties, playdates etc and will prepare them accordingly. If there are tears etc the first time that's sad but it's a good lesson. I would probably just arrange a special treat for the one not going to the party.

If you are very worried call the mother though but given that she didn't say anything last time I'm sure it's fine.

None of you care about how it might make the child NOT invited feel. YOu're all focussing on the fact that they're twins and so determined to prove that you can treat them differently that you're not paying any regard to how the one NOT invited might feel (and just to spell it out for yall here, less popular, excluded?). It goes without saying that twins are two different people, durrrrrrrr fgs. What doesn't go without saying is that a 7 year old child could well be wondering why their brother is more popular, why the party child doesn't like them, why the party child likes their brother more..... It's not to do with being twins, it's more to do with being in the same class. Can you not see the wood for the trees. 7 year olds aren't autonomous enough to be completely in control of their own friendships, playdates and parties. It's ridiculous to suggest that they are. I would NEVER want to think that the invites I'd issued for either of my children's parties had resulted in a child being upset. That is my top priority. I don't need to prove that I realise that twins are separate people. They are separate people who are IN the SAME FAMILY AND IN THE SAME CLASS!!!!!!

If they are 7yrs old and it's small party ie not for the whole class, then I think it's fine to just invite one twin. The other one will know they are not best friends with your DD anyaway. Maybe the twin 'left' at home would enjoy having some time at home on her own with M&D all to herself!

or maybe.... the twin will get upset when mummy drives past the party boy's and sees all the other children going to a party when he has to stay home! Maybe .....he won't understand it no matter how many times you explain it. Sometimes children understand things but they just don't like it.

Twins are children first and foremost and twins is just a detail.

well, atleast as you accidently did it last year if you did only invite the one then it would not come as so much of a suprise to them because you already set the precident?

i am a twin and dont remember ever going to a party without each other, but we did generally have the same friends growing up.

i think it would probably be okay, i expect the mum would do something with the other one to make up for it so they are not at home moping about didnt go to the party?

No Locket, but I do engage brain before issuing invites. I invite either ALL the girls, or exactly half the girls. And if I know two girls are friends I will invite both or neither. I do try and think about who could potentially be hurt and how to avoid that. It takes about four minutes. I consider it worth it.

But maybe valium they would be just as upset going to a party that they know they weren't really invited to, they only got to go cos they are the twin of the invited child.

If it is a whole class invite thing then sure, but if its a set amount of children then I'm afraid no, in the same way that the other twin will get invites to parties that the original one doesn;t get to go to.

Plus also they get some alone time with the parents.

valium if OP is having a small party for her dc then there are presumably plenty children in the class that will not be in attendance. The twin at home may wonder those things....or may be out playing with some of their own friends.

OP you are neither lacking in common sense nor BU. Do have a check with mum if you can otherwise invite the 'friend' twin and leave it at that.

i would only invite the one your DC likes. I have friends who have twins and they really value having time alone with one of the twins where ever pos. Often they do everthing as a three, twins and mum that is. She rarely gets one to one time. Like any other sibling who doesn't attend a party, they can just have some nice treats with Mum or Dad. Icecream, cinema or even their own play date.