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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

1005 replies

heyhoplaydough · 09/06/2011 15:24

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
xstitch · 09/06/2011 16:55

YABVU to have issues with men changing nappies and taking children to the toilet.

The nursery should have either followed your wishes or explained why they couldn't.

ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/06/2011 16:56

I'm going to canvass opinion here.

How many of you would have started a thread of this magnitutde after only ever posting 3 other times on one other thread (granted she was OP of that thread) regarding some educational drudgery?

How many?

bupcakesandcunting · 09/06/2011 16:57

Oy finks oy smell a rat...

Nuttychic · 09/06/2011 16:57

Not me! Im not even sure I have started one.

RedGreenBlue · 09/06/2011 16:58

What, like you have to earn the right to post on here now?

Nuttychic · 09/06/2011 16:58

I will be so relieved to find out this one is a windup.

BooyHoo · 09/06/2011 16:58

it depends whether i was depending to be a troll or not chaos Wink

BooyHoo · 09/06/2011 16:58

FFS pretending Blush

upahill · 09/06/2011 16:58

bupcake are you my sister? Grin

My mum has the same attitude.
She is suspicious of my lads going to scouts, on any residentials, in fact anywhere where there will be male supervision.
She wrinkles her nose, I sigh and know I'm going to be talked to for an hour when I mention a camping trip!!

ChiddelyPie · 09/06/2011 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

niceguy2 · 09/06/2011 17:02

Why don't we just keep men away from children full stop from the moment they are born until the child's 18th birthday?

After all we don't want any man who could be a potential kiddy fiddler. We can't be too careful in this day & age. A CRB check is only good on the day it was issued.

Won't someone please think of the children!!!

ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/06/2011 17:02

Was that to me RedGreenBlue?

Let's assume it was.

No, you don't have to "earn" the right to post on here.

I am merely asking whether most normal posters warm up on MN before posting something quite so blatantly incendiary.

CoffeeDodger · 09/06/2011 17:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bucharest · 09/06/2011 17:05

Actually Chaos, I think quite a lot of totally bonkers threads are started by fairly new posters, whose senseofentitlement and overall preciousness-- convictions are such that they are convinced they are in the right and everyone will agree with them.

Sadly, I think the OP is genuine, and that she genuinely thinks like this. Which is worse than being a troll.

DooinMeCleanin · 09/06/2011 17:06

Well I was presuming she was a troll she didn't realise it was incendiary owing to her limited eduaction the fact that if she genuinely believes male carers are a danger then she must have a very skewed view of the world and must believe it is normal to think like this.

I still think Op should seek counselling of some kind. This is not normal or healthy for Op or her daughter or she could just retire back to her bridge

Shakirasma · 09/06/2011 17:06

I ask my son what he had for snack, if he did any painting, who read at story time etc.

What kind of freak asks their child who took them to the toilet??

Bucharest · 09/06/2011 17:06

(I always think of the father who shut his own daughter's hand in the Ryanair plane toilet door and wanted to sue the ambulance service for not sending paramedics and holding the flight up.....he was gobsmacked we all thought he was a wind up)

Bucharest · 09/06/2011 17:08

Shakira has a point there.

How do you actually know OP? Did your daughter tell you? In the normal run of conversation?

At dd's nursery the cook used to double up as nappy monitor. (hopefully washing her hands before getting back to the pasta)

TandB · 09/06/2011 17:09

I think my first thread was a suggestion for the better regulation of the use of umbrellas.

An important and unresolved issue.

DooinMeCleanin · 09/06/2011 17:09

Bucharest op said 'I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her'. Poor little girl.

Bucharest · 09/06/2011 17:10

Oh right, just read OP.

Blimey.

MollysChamber · 09/06/2011 17:10

"Nappy monitor??" bet the staff were all fighting over who got to be that Grin

K9999 · 09/06/2011 17:11

Bucharest, the OP said weirdly "I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day..."

Which is all perfectly normal behaviour of course. Nothing odd about regularly asking your child if she went to the loo and who took her. No, nothing odd at all. Hmm

DooinMeCleanin · 09/06/2011 17:12

I'm surprised she got a sensible answer. If I ask dd2 who she played with she simply replies "My friends" or "Can't remember. We buy strawberries now?"

ShowOfHands · 09/06/2011 17:13

A male surgeon delivered dd. And a male midwife cared for me. They were looking at my foof you know. I saw them. Pervs.

WTF is wrong with the world.

Oh somebody tell me how to think. Should I leave dh? Are all men peedos?

I don't know enough of the evils of the world to function on a day to day basis? Shall I put dd in a bubble?

Can bubbles be peedos?

Oh God.

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