To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

[heyhoplaydough]

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

Oh my fucksy.

Several hiccups in your thinking, OP:

-Not only men are "peederfils"

-You are being sexist.

-Would you let a female worker take a DS to the bog?

-Do you let male relatives take her to the bog?

-There is nothing to suggest that the male nursery worker is dodgy. Or have you seen him turn up to work in a sloganed t-shirt that reads "Kids Turn Me ON"

-You are a silly sausage. Stop being so paedo-paranoid.

You are one sick puppy Booyhoo.

OP, yabvu

You are passing some bad messages about men on to your young daughter. There is a difference between being vigilant and being paranoid. I'm sorry to say I feel you've crossed over into being neurotically paranoid.

Also, I feel the Nursery 'agreed' to your 'stipulations' maybe just to humour you.

I think it's unreasonable of you to expect one staff member to be excluded from doing his job because of your unhealthy attitudes. Women abuse kids too you know.

Oh FFS ...................................

You are being far too precious, does your DD's father or other male relatives never take her to the toilet or are they too scared of being accused of god knows what by you . Get a grip.

OP, are you willing to clarify why you feel it is appropriate for male staff members to change babies' nappies?

I am a CM (outstanding I might add)... and my husband is coming into business with me within the next two years (is currently studying to be fully qualified)... the mere thought that anyone would think anything bad of him makes me boil with rage.

When you trust your childcare provider, you TRUST your childcare provider. Period. Be it a he or a she. I LOVE these kids and am so protective of them when we are out and about, you will not believe. He will be equally so. The kids LOVE it when, on the odd occasion, he gets home and they're still here (mum/dad stuck on the tube etc.). It will boost the business, of this I am sure, as most people do not have the attitude you have.

It's also so important for MORE men to join the role of childcare provider, as there are many kids that have no (good) male role model at home. It's attitudes like yours OP that put men off seeking childcare as a career, sadly. The kids miss out!!! :(

OP can you explain exactly why you want only females to assist your dd with her toileting?
Do you not feel that you are bringing your dd up to fear men irrationaly?
It is people with opinions such as yours that mean that men rarely go into these type of professions and our childen do not get the cross section of care and education that a mixed sex staff setting provides.
I think its is very sad you feel like this.

OMG.

YABU

And utterly ridiculous

• inappropriate, that is.

OP why do you discriminate against men in this way? what is it you think a man is capable of that a woman isn't? why do you think women are safer for taking your DD to teh toilet?

I would hate to think like this. It must be exhausting.

Surely you want to raise your child without issues. The child is going to pick up on all these questions about toilets etc

YABU

"The chaperoning of children by female staff, for examinations or treatments where they may be undressed does ALWAYS happen if parents are not present. Yes it's partly to protect staff from accusations. It is a good policy."

Not really a good policy. Females can be paedophiles too. What if the chaperone is a paedophile too and they are in on it with the examining member of staff? Where will this end? The ENTIRE HOSPITAL could be manned by paedos.

Don't mean to add more fuel to your fire btw.

Booyhoo I am laughing so much at you the kids think Im choking!

Only male members of staff are chaperoned, not female ones? I find that hard to believe.

'Yes it's partly to protect staff from accusations' - that would be because of sickening attitudes like your's op.

I sincerely hope you are not really a peadatric nurse. I'd hope the people in charge of caring for our children had a little more sense than you.

You need counselling. For your dds sake.

I'd love for any child of mine to be cared for, in any way, by a male worker. They're all CRB checked. And trained. How wonderful for young children to have male role models. Reading tosh like this is exactly the sort of thing that puts men off applying for jobs in that profession.

Wasn't it a female nursery worker who was caught as a member of a paedophile ring, anyway? Not that that is either here or there of course.

And what about my boys. Should I insist they're changed by a man then?

I think you're being ridiculous. The nursery should never have agreed to such terms.

I'm sorry you were upset by this 'incident' , but YABVVU.

Did you not hear of the female nursery worker who was abusing children?

Poor, poor kid. That's it really.

YABVU

YABU

And a prat.

HTH

I wonder if I can stipulate on my childrens hospital notes that I don't want them cared for by sexist, paranoid nurses who are prone to overreacting? I'm serious - I'd be far more worried about what your stance says about you and your trustworthiness to be non-judgemental, rational and sensible, than I am about the poor male nursery nurse who has been so undeservedly disparages by you.

leftblank makes a good point re: the child picking up on this issue.

I remember very clearly what a Loaded Question from my mum sounded like and the squirmy feeling of embarrassment I got while trying to work out the right answer.

You know the kind of question - when your mum was trying to subtly find out about something your friends had been up to that you knew she wouldn't like, or when you had been too embarrassed to tell her about the sex education lesson the school had given you and she wanted to know what you had learned. That sort of question.

Bollocks, ive never heard of such a policy and I work in one of the biggest childrens hospitals in the country. For invasive procedures such as an internal examination yes, for changing a nappy, doing obs on a child, looking/listening to their chest- nope.

"I remember very clearly what a Loaded Question from my mum sounded like and the squirmy feeling of embarrassment I got while trying to work out the right answer"

same here!! (my mum had a similar attitude as the OP's- it left an impression as a child)