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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

1005 replies

heyhoplaydough · 09/06/2011 15:24

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
spiderslegs · 10/06/2011 01:41

Don't, I'm so confused, my son wants to be a mermaid (or a minotaur), my daughter wants to be a stormtrooper (or a cuckoo).

My son asked me today if I was going to be 'a man WITHOUT A WILLY' when I grew up.

Which one should I kill?

MIFLAW · 10/06/2011 01:41

"I cannot understand why any male nursery worker would take a young girl to toilet by himself."

Er, because it's his job?

Mumcentreplus · 10/06/2011 01:44

My Dh trusts NO ONE....

spiderslegs · 10/06/2011 01:48

MIFLAW, you are clearly an apologist for the kind of horrid beast that would wipe a two year old girl's bum.

Get thee to a specialist unit.

DontCallMePeanut · 10/06/2011 01:49

Pudenda... Pudenda... Have we moved to net fucking mums?

And helping a child on the toilet, or changing a nappy does not entail prodding and perusing the "pudenda"...

Spiders, DS can be saved... DD will need to meet the paedofinder, and soon... She's relating to paedos "men"

Mumcentreplus · 10/06/2011 01:50

Pudenda..yes why the fuck not?..are you?... the word police?.. and if so..show me your fucking badge! Grin

Mumcentreplus · 10/06/2011 01:53

I was talking about people who prod pudendas for a living..strikes me as ODD for a bloke unless they intrigue you somehow...not about taking kids to the toilet so wind your neck in...

spiderslegs · 10/06/2011 01:58

Ohh - missed the pudenda - on which page is it??

& 'wind your neck in' - fightin' talk

DontCallMePeanut · 10/06/2011 02:01

m'am, we'll have to take you in to answer some questions...

I've just realised I'm listening to a male fronted band. They're trying to brainwash me, aren't they?

DontCallMePeanut · 10/06/2011 02:02

And I get you now. Ironically, my nephew is training to become a gyno. Never spoken to him about why. Must be pudenda envy

Mumcentreplus · 10/06/2011 02:04

...bedtime me thinks Grin

DontCallMePeanut · 10/06/2011 02:06

Night, Mumcentre. Sleep well. :)

Mumcentreplus · 10/06/2011 02:08

Maybe..lol who knows...

Mumcentreplus · 10/06/2011 02:09

night Peanut x:)

spiderslegs · 10/06/2011 02:10

Shit, my father's a physicist, I finally realise why they got divorced, he was trying to fuck gravity all those years.

Arse, arse , arse.

I feel like such a fool.

DH is a software developer.

How could I not have seen it??

CheerfulYank · 10/06/2011 02:11

I don't think Beesimo is daftpunk. The posting styles are totally different.

DontCallMePeanut · 10/06/2011 02:13

Spiderslegs, DS plays with DOLLS... I'm doomed...

And DF worked on the rigs, as an Offshore Installation Manager. That meant lots of drilling. Yes. drilling. My poor mother...

Mumcentreplus · 10/06/2011 02:15

depend what 'software' means surely?...pudenda anyone?...ok I'm really going to bed now...you lot stop involving me!

DontCallMePeanut · 10/06/2011 02:16

Sorry, Mumcentre Grin Night night, again x

Mumcentreplus · 10/06/2011 02:16

Drilling?...

spiderslegs · 10/06/2011 02:33

Don't, you have my sympathy, really, a driller?? That's so fucking obvious.

He didn't even try to hide it did he?

DontCallMePeanut · 10/06/2011 02:36

He didn't, no. I have to see him next week. How will I cope?

How the fuck will I safeguard DS from this evil man?

academicallycontent · 10/06/2011 02:42

You are being utterly ridiculous I'm afraid. My DD goes to nursery, she's nearly 3, I am a student but when she is living with me (almost all the time now and permanently from next year) I don't know who takes her to the loo, I know she loves going to nursery though... the friend I am most happy leaving her with (when I nip to the shops, occasionally when I have a lecture or if I want a rare night out) actually happens to be a bloke. I have no reason to think he'd want to hurt her because he enjoys spending time with her. I know in many ways she's having an unconventional childhood but I am actually very very happy she's growing up with a selection of role models, male and female who care for her. The chances of a man being a paedophile are tiny, far more likely someone would be short tempered and smack your child, or shout at them for being a toddler (and hence rather irritating, especially to those not used to toddlers)

spiderslegs · 10/06/2011 02:48

Don't, just....don't.

Cut off all contact, tell your mother. Whatever you do just keep DS away (however once DS reaches the age of majority you know what you have to do, don't you?).

DontCallMePeanut · 10/06/2011 02:58

Yes... :( You know what's unforgivable? The companies he worked for...

Shell: Shell- you know, two of those make a mermaid's bra? He was leaving mermais braless and free to be sexually exploited by mermen. It doesn't bear thinking about

Santa Fe: Yep, he was giving a peedow who breaks into children's bedrooms fuel...

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