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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

1005 replies

heyhoplaydough · 09/06/2011 15:24

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
DontCallMePeanut · 10/06/2011 01:05

Grin Ohhh, Spiders... I now know why xP accused me of enjoying it. He wasn't being his usual cuntish self, he genuinely did know the gyno was getting something out of it, and vice versa...

I was victimised...

I feel so fucking violated.

TheBride, we seem to have had an overspill this half term. No idea why.

CRS · 10/06/2011 01:05

I have been asked, in all seriousness, "Why does R work with small children?" at a Stepford wives Pampered Chef thing.

Because he's good at it. Because he has a vocation. Because that's one of the reasons he's a marvellous dad too, to our child - he is that rare thing - a man who is feminist enough not to need to beat his chest and be a cave man.

CRS · 10/06/2011 01:08

The last bit was a joke - but LOTS of people have found my partner's job weird - we have even had the comment "why is R doing a woman's job?"

DontCallMePeanut · 10/06/2011 01:09

I forwarded this thread to (male) best friend, a couple of hours ago. His response was simply "WOW!", followed by "I forgot having a Y chromosome makes you a sex offender..."

CRS, that's crazy. It truly is. Some of the best teachers I've come across have been male. It's depressing that it's seen as so taboo. Just ask those women how they'd react to being told they couldn't do certain jobs because of their gender?

CRS · 10/06/2011 01:12

Well. quite. Let's hope the OP's daughter doen't becoome a mechanic, no?

CRS · 10/06/2011 01:13

Typos! Sorry!

DontCallMePeanut · 10/06/2011 01:16

Hell no! If it's not childcare, then she MUST become a stay at home wife... The 1950's were under-rated!

Kewcumber · 10/06/2011 01:17

Beesimo - my son spent the first year of his life in an orphanage. A real one. I'm sure you don't really need explaining the heartbreaking differnce between an orphanage and a day nursery. Cheap shot.

CRS · 10/06/2011 01:21

My partner is the best placed parent to deal with ANY difficulties in our home and always has been. I have actually been asked if he is "gay". 2011 anyone?
i find the OP crazy, unless she has serious issues of her own to deal with.

spiderslegs · 10/06/2011 01:24

My PC crashed

In the time it took me to get it back up I've had an ephiany.

My children's father IS A MAN.

Really.

I shit you not.

WWYD?

DontCallMePeanut · 10/06/2011 01:26

2011? Don't be silly, dear. Your husband should only be dealing with DIY. Don't you know he works SO much harder than you do? You should be packing in your job and looking after the house. Then send him to get a proper job, such as mechanic. Jesus... Modern times, dear...

CRS · 10/06/2011 01:26

You must kill him quick. Clearly he has a penis, so can't be trusted. Wink

DontCallMePeanut · 10/06/2011 01:27

Spiderslegs, please, please PLEASE call the police.

Oh, and to add to the MN bingo, LEAVE HIM!

Grin
piprabbit · 10/06/2011 01:28

Spiders - So Sad that you are facing this awful realisation. I hope you are not alone ATM.

Do not Give up Hope - it is not to late to save your DCs. You must be vigilant at all times, although I suspect the only real answer in the long term will be a sharp knife.

spiderslegs · 10/06/2011 01:30

*epiphany

DontCallMePeanut · 10/06/2011 01:30

Spiders, are all your DC girls? If not, you can always book any DS's in for a sex change. The sooner we rid this planet of the male species, the better...

MIFLAW · 10/06/2011 01:31

"It would be interesting to know how many fathers would be happy for a man to take his dd to the toilet alone -"

I'm a father and, if it was the man's job I would be absolutely fine with it.

I actually had to take my daughter's friend to the toilet the other day. It was a bit of a surprise and I was a bit worried she or her mum (who was downstair - it all hapened a bit suddenly, as it can do with 3 yos) would mind or feel awkward.

It was, I am pleased to say, no problem at all for anyone concerned.

Perhaps because I persist in mixing with the sane.

spiderslegs · 10/06/2011 01:34

Soo glad I'm not alone, I can't be the only one, can I ?

Thanks for your support. He's not here tonight, he's away on 'business'.

Need I say any more?

DontCallMePeanut · 10/06/2011 01:36

[shocked] A man... On this thread... On mumsnet... You're brave MIFLAW Wink

MIFLAW · 10/06/2011 01:37

"I don't think they are - how can they ever be? I agree that women can be as horrid as men but i don't think they are as 'naturally' prone to it. and if they are evil they do it in other ways (?) and i know that will cause alot of comment."

Insane, nonsensical horseshit.

DontCallMePeanut · 10/06/2011 01:37

Spidersleg, change the locks on the door, and phone the police... You can never be too sure...

MIFLAW · 10/06/2011 01:38

Thanks - I was on here earlier though.

and, again, thankfully, mainly mixing with the sane.

apart from OP and her fellow inmates.

DontCallMePeanut · 10/06/2011 01:40

Glad this thread hasn't scared you off... yet... Grin

YankNCock · 10/06/2011 01:41
will be helpful for anyone needing help in identifying paedophiles.
Mumcentreplus · 10/06/2011 01:41

I'm being honest here...any man who wants to prod...poke and peruse the pudenda I don't trust..unless I'm married to him..

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