To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

[heyhoplaydough]

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

I'm sure everyone has said already but YABVU.

By 3, she can pretty much do it herself so just needs an adult to loosely supervise, and don't see a problem with a male nursery teacher, just like I wouldn't mind a female one taking my DS to the toilet.

Before 3 they are even less aware and need more help so fine as well.

Perhaps for an older child who needed help (ie over 6? SN?) perhaps would be better to have a helper of the same sex.

you are being unreasonable to the point that I would worry about your childs welfare. This sort of obsessive dislike of males is just not natural.

lilolilmanchester I don't deny that there are some bad people out there but to say that of all men because of the rare occurrance it happens is wrong IMO mainly because we don't do the same when a woman in a nursery is found to have been doing the same thing. Very double standard and it puts the fear of god into those of us that have sons because this is.

I would have agreed with you voddie until that experience. I can't give an impartial answer - my DD wasn't affected (as far as I know...) but I saw the devastating affect on the families of children involved. And it was an excellent nursery in all other respects.
Yes, female nursery workers get involved in bad stuff too (recent high profile case to prove it) but the majority of offenders are male. As said, I can't give an impartial answer so will drop out.

Lilolil!

Welcome back!

Been a while since you've spouted your tosh on MN. There's still a few of us that remember you though.

OP. Just shut up and behave. If your DC was a boy, would you worry about a woman nursery worker taking him to the toilet?

No?

Didn't think so.

(btw I don't think that all male nursery workers are paedophiles, hope I didn't give that impression... but I do think the risk is higher of a male nursery nurse coming into the profession for easy access to young children. The shocker in this case that the guy was a fantastic nursery nurse. Still feel sick thinking about it.

I also think it is really weird how you make a massive point of quizzing your daughter regularly about who took her, and who pulled her pants up and wiped her etc. Really weird. Making a huge issue out of it IMO.

Rizzana, didn't think i was known for spouting tosh on MN to be honest. Hey ho, even if that is the case, I am not spouting tosh here, I am citing a real case. But as I have already said, I can't be impartial on this one due to bitter experience so will drop out.

In Victorian times the OP and her friends would have been hyper-ventilating at the thought of an uncovered table leg and making skirts for pianos.

Glad to see times have moved on .

OP - please just be aware that by continually asking your DD who took her to the toilet, you ARE sending her message. As much a you might like to think you're not, you ARE.

It is just so, so odd to be so paranoid about this. I'd still love to know why you feel you have to continually ask her this, why you're so sure that the nursery isn't going to 'adhere to your request', and why you think it's so terrible for a make nursery worker to do this in the first place.

I just can't get my head around the fact that some people on here genuinely have an issue with a man taking their child to the toilet.

My daughter is three, and although she is fully capable of taking herself to the toilet, for some reason she still wants you to sit and watch her (how's that for feeling self-conscious?). She has been taken by several men - DH, four uncles, one granddad and one close family friend - and not once have she or I ever had a problem with it. Similarly I have changed my nephew's nappy and escorted him to the toilet countless times. Statistically my DD is much more likely to be abused by these people than a nursery worker, so should I stop her going to the toilet with them?

I genuinely would like to know if one of the people (OP or similar) who think it's acceptable to say 'no men' would think it OK to say 'no blacks', 'no lesbians' or 'no jews'. Why is it more socially acceptable to gender discriminate? Being a parent does not give you carte blanche to make ridiculous requests about who is or is not good enough to care for your child. If you want total control over everything your child does, who sees and cares for them, then I suggest you take your child out of nursery and look after her yourself.

Careful Bluesheep. A piss taking thread along those lines was started today and MNHQ deleted it asap.

This is all a bit odd.

From the comments posted it would appear that people think men and women are the same. the same in nurturing, in caring, in child-bearing roles.

I don't think they are - how can they ever be? I agree that women can be as horrid as men but i don't think they are as 'naturally' prone to it. and if they are evil they do it in other ways (?) and i know that will cause alot of comment.

However, I have 3 girls, 2 who are now successful adults and I still feel, thinking back, I would be uncomfortable about a man in a working environment taking them to the toilet.

Flork, does thst mean your DD's father woul never have taken them to the toilet? (I know it's not a "working environment", but it's still a male "carer" taking your DD's to the toilet)

Heyho, strange that a Dr does your smear and not a nurse. Thats statistically speaking of course. Chaperones should be offered for any intimate examination the chaperone does not need to be female and should be trained know the procedure and be inside curtains etc. Of course the health professional can also request one.

I would be annoyed at having my trust broken my non compliance of a request that I was of the understanding the nursery agreed to. But cannot understand the initial request and does smack of sexism

Flork - you're so right, really, looking back how could I have been so negligent to let a paedo man near them.

Shit, shit, shit.

Fuck me, I think my husband may also have changed our daughter's nappy on numerous occasions.

I'll get him put on the reg tomorrow & never let him near her again.

Phew.

Thanks.

spiderslegs, I've just done the same with every man DS has EVER come into contact with, just in case.

Bollocks, I've just realised I've had male doctors & obstetricians.

&, &, they looked at my fanjo.

Really, they did.

With speclums & everything.

Wank.

My partner is a primary school teacher (as am I). If a child, for example, gets a cut or graze on the playground, I'll give him/her a cuddle. My partner will send them to Mrs/Ms whoever to be comforted. Because sadly, the OP may well be a wind up, but there are people in RL who think like her.

And they wonder why men don't often work in jobs like ours.

Good Don't - really, you can never be too sure.

Honestly, the though of it.

Spiderslegs, my sweep was administered by a man... OH. MY. GOD!!!

CRS, it's a shame, it really is. :( When did it become so necessary to discriminate against men in positions suc as teaching (initially, it WAS predominantly male led) and childcare. Isn't this the 21st Century?

Never comment on AIBU but after reading some of the utter pish being spouted on here, I felt compelled

OP and your sock puppets: You are fannies. I hope to God I never have the misfortune to be in your company. I am not a nasty or violent person but I feel being subjected to you warped views could change that.

Don't I bet he had a peep at your cervix whilst he was there & oggled your foetus.

They can't help themselves.

Really, before this thread, I though they may be ok.

I now realise 'they're' not.

Can't be trusted.

Bastard pervs.

I thought half term was last week...........