Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

1005 replies

heyhoplaydough · 09/06/2011 15:24

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
TandB · 09/06/2011 22:51

I came back to this thread after driving two hours home and I truly wish I hadn't looked at it again as I am now more wound up than I was after a long motorway drive surrounded by crap drivers.

I am utterly gobsmacked at some of the comments on this thread. I have never heard of a couple of the posters who are spouting paranoid, man-hating bollocks, but Beesimo, well, words really do come very close to failing me this time. I have always had a fair bit of time for you after some kind, common sense posts on a couple of sensitive threads. I don't always agree with you by any stretch of the imagination, but I had time for you and thought you were funny and kind. But after your day orphanage comment, I wish there was a hide individual poster function. You should be ashamed of yourself.

betterwhenthesunshines · 09/06/2011 22:54

OP: I can see that you are cross that your requests have not been followed, but is your concern that she will be embarrassed at being helped by a male staff member (unlikely at age 3 if he is starightforward about it) or concern that she will suffer sexual abuse?

I'm not an expert but I would think that anyone intent on abusing a child would find a way to do it, and probably NOT while they were helping her in the toilet.

quietlysuggests · 09/06/2011 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

d0gFace · 09/06/2011 22:58

:(

TandB · 09/06/2011 22:59

[goes to bed, pulls duvet over head and pretends that people like this don't really exist]

MollysChamber · 09/06/2011 23:02

Budge over Panda!

TandB · 09/06/2011 23:04

[smuggles up to MollysChamber cosily]

seeker · 09/06/2011 23:06

i do find it interesting that at least one of the "3 year olds need their feminine dignity preserved" brigade was also a vociferous poster on the "l'll take my 11 year old ds into the ladies with me and if there's 11 year old girl in there she just has to deal with it" thread!

BeerTricksPotter · 09/06/2011 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty · 09/06/2011 23:08

People like the screwed up OP and her barking mad paranoid supporters would ensure that men were unable to work in care roles or with the vulnerable if they had their way. After all, they might well be paedophiles or abusers...and what normal man wants to work with small children? Hmm

TandB · 09/06/2011 23:10

[sticks hand out from under duvet and drags Beertricks in]

[pokes head out to check that no MEN are present]

TheSparrow · 09/06/2011 23:17

DD1 was born in Canada; she was looked after on the maternity ward by a male nursery nurse: would OP object to that?

He was lovely but was also black (semi-pro baketball player): would OP object to that?

It seems to me that one set of generalised prejudices is no better than another ...

needanewname · 09/06/2011 23:17

Quietly - really????????

needanewname · 09/06/2011 23:18

What about if your child is ill in hospital and needs to be seen by a male doctor - is that OK?

What about a male nurse - is that OK?

realhousewifeofdevoncounty · 09/06/2011 23:19

Do you have a DP/DH? Did he change her nappy?

Collaborate · 09/06/2011 23:20

Bloody Hell. Just read the first page and felt compelled to add to the undoubted criticism of OP in the subsequent 31 pages. Nasty piece of work. What chance does her daughter have of growing up with a balanced view of men with a mother like that?

Avantia · 09/06/2011 23:20

I had a male HV when DS2 was born . Was absoultely fab and really helped me when struggling with reflux issues .

ilovesprouts · 09/06/2011 23:25

my ds gets took to the loo/nappy changed by female dont bother me at all

ChristinaEliopolis · 09/06/2011 23:28

All men are potential 'peedos'? Questioning a small child about going to the loo?

There are no words.......

duchesse · 09/06/2011 23:30

YABU. I am certain that male nursery nurses are employed on their own merits.

Since you appear very worried that all male nursery worker are potential abusers, may I remind you of the Plymouth case where the abuser was a woman, as were all her accolytes?

mamandeouisti · 09/06/2011 23:35

Op...too tired to read all the thread...can only respond to your initial post.

WHY???

I am utterly speechless at the ridiculousness of your logic. I do hope you never need help from any professional...although I fear it may already be too late. I know you're cross that they didn't follow your wishes...but seriously...what are you teaching your child?

duffybeatmetoit · 09/06/2011 23:36

Presumably OP you assume that your DH/DP shouldn't be left alone with little girls other than his own DD either? How does he feel about your attitude to men?

voddiekeepsmesane · 09/06/2011 23:42

The main thing that I am struggling with is why the hell are you sending your child to a nursery that has a male worker if it causes you such anxiety? Why not take your child (poor girl) out of the nursery so that another can have the invaluable experience and fantastic role modeling from this man?

spiderslegs · 09/06/2011 23:43

Aargghhh - eek - tra la la la la

Why, why, why?????

I think my hermaphrodite friend once change my children's pants......

He/she may have abused them - I may kill myself & withdraw them both from society.

Then again, he/she may just be interested in worms.

lilolilmanchester · 09/06/2011 23:45

OP., I don't have time either to read all the posts. When DS was at nursery, the male members of staff weren't allowed to change nappies/do toilet runs which I thought was mad, and at that time I would have said YABU. However, DD went to a different nursery and the male nursery nurse there was allowed to do nappies & toilet runs. Early 20s, lovely guy, kids adored him... but turned out he had been abusing some of the little ones and had child porn on his computer when arrested. OK, might be a very rare occurrence, but made me realise it's not that straight forward, as it's an ideal "career" opportunity for padeophiles.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.