To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

[heyhoplaydough]

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

Glad to see most people here have common sense (excepting the obvious loons). What worries me though is if my 3 sons ever stray into the path of people who assume they are dodgy just because of their gender. They have already spent their primary school years being treated like some sort of dangerous plague, in stark contrast to the girls!

Here's a radical idea - look after your own children. Didnt do mine any harm.

Paediatric nurse my arse.

This thread is turning into mumsnet bingo

The other thread got pulled.

I know your wishes weren't followed and that is not right so if I were you I would be mad about that because if they aren't following that request what else aren't they following. However, if you are thinking that all men are potential abusers then one name springs to mind- Vanessa George. Afterall, if she had worked at your daughter's nursery she could have been taking her to the toilet and you wouldn't have worried then. I'm just trying to say that you can't judge him purely because he's a man.

Glad to see that we have move on this week from dog haters and dog shit .

now we have ' male nursery haters ' - what a load of shit.

Who is to say that a female nursery worker cannot assualt a child - oh yes it has happend hasn't it .

because if they aren't following that request what else aren't they following

(sigh) If they do follow that request they are breaking the law. That's why they should have had the balls to tell her to get lost in the first place.

I find it sad that women can do any traditional male job but as soon as you get a man doing a traditional female job you get discriminatation and suspicion. So much so that I would put off any DS who wanted to do it.

For those saying that 3 yr olds need dignity and their own toilets-I do hope that you are not hypocritical enough to join the thread where you won't send 6 yr olds into the gents alone? We get people who insist that their DS has to go into the ladies, who shouldn't object-and now we have 3 yr olds who wouldn't like it!

If this is the case, which I doubt, 3 yr olds are quite happy to strip off in front of anyone-unless an adult has made them self conscious-why is it OK for boys to have women take them to the toilet-what about their dignity. Why do boys never matter?

OP with every post your coming across as more of a loon.

You don't want men other that your DH to see your DD's vagina? WTF??

And have actually told her nursery this?

You do realise the staff think you're a nutter?

YABVVU!! I loathe ignorance and you reek of it. Vanessa George is a woman AND a paedo, you know!?

Well said exoticfruits

And as for self conscious 3 year olds needing their dignity preserved - what a crock of shit.

I have never known a child of that age to be in any way self conscious of their bodies. I would find that really very sad.

On the basis that I had a female chaperone when examined by a male doctor recently, YANBU.

Then again I guess doc's have the budgets to provide the chaperone (I certainly didn't feel like she was provided for my protection) and male nursery workers don't.

Adults can see over the doors at dd's nursery so I wouldn't have a problem with it. I also think that boys are just as vulnerable to abuse as girls are, so it's difficult all round. My priority is to protect my kids though - how that balances out with the need for childcare is difficult. Recent cases have shown children to be abused by both male and female nursery workers.

OP - have just read the post where you say you are not happy with men looking at your daughter's vagina.

Sorry to be crude - but what kind of position does she adopt on the toilet for this to be remotely feasible? And what the hell do you envisage nursery workers doing when they accompany a four yr old to the toilet?

God, I feel so sorry for your daughter. She is going to have the most fucked up attitude to men and sex as she grows up, isn't she?

But the point of a male doctor having a female chaprone is more likey not because they are going to abuse the patient but to prevent false allegations against them ?

The thing is, surely if you teach your child that only men are abusers and it's men they should avoid, what will happen if a woman abuses them, will they think it must be okay because it's not a man?

Personally I would rather teach my child that if any person touches them in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable they must tell a trusted adult.

Forget all this men are dangerous bollocks because it is a dangerous thing to teach your children.

Thanks ilovesooty.
I have 3 DSs and I just get so fed up with the attitude that classes all men as a danger.
Talk about scouts long enough and someone makes a snide comment about leaders-as if a man can't enjoy working with young people to put something back into the community. Sadly it puts many men off being a leaders.
We need more men in early years education and it is put back years by attitudes like OP. The only mistake the nursery made was to agree to her demand in the first place-she should have been told that all employees were equal and they didn't discriminate against a minority.Take it or leave it and go elsewhere.
I also get fed up that girls have to have the same sex to take them to the toilet but no one bothers about boys-in fact judging by the women who won't send their DS to the male toilets, they wouldn't want a man taking their DS either. Why not just come out and say 'I don't want a man near my DS in the nursery'?

sorry-I meant DC in the nursery-particularly DD.

YABVU

This is so unbelievably sad. Chaperones in medicine are to help stop false allegations. And there is a call now for all patient examinations to be chaperoned. Which is just ridiculous.

My poor ds. He may in the future want to be a nursery nurse but people like the OP will always have that face on. Dooin has the right plan - just teach your child that if anyone touches them and they don't like it to tell a trused adult. Not just ban men from helping girls in the loo (seeing her vagina? I cannot imagine how that would come about in normal toileting).

trused? that'll be trusted.