To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

[heyhoplaydough]

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

also OP. it wouldn't do your DD any harm in the slightest for a man to see her naked. it wouldn't even harm her if an actual paedophile was to see her naked. seeing her is not harming her.

FFS no-one 'looking' at her vagina. She is peeing. I bet they're not even watching.

What about at school when they change for PE ALL IN ONE ROOM INC TEACHER. Will your DD wear crop tops so no-one looks at her breasts?

Her vagina is not a sexual object people will look at, it's just one piece of anatomy that defines gender.

You're.

ah fuck it, someone else has called Troll please do not open link if offended by bad language

OP if you feel that the nursery has acted against your specific wishes you should make a complaint to the nursery. Perhaps withdraw your child.

But it is not unreasonable for competent trained male workers to be involved in childcare.

Hey ChiddelyPie - one can but hope!

Heyhop.. if you are secure in your views and people have said ont the whole that they think you are but you won't change your mind why have you posted in AIBU?

I think the OP needs a lesson in anatomy if she thinks you can see the vagina when a girl sits on the toilets.

As the OP has admitted, her request was not about her child's needs but about her weird prejudices and convictions. The nursery should have told her to sling her hook rather than agree to such a discriminatory request in the first place.

So OP if nothing bad, man-wise, has ever happened to you or your daughter, then presumably your hang-ups have come from somewhere else.

What was your own Mum like when it came to stuff like this?

You've got an absolute LOAD of complete strangers on t'internet - who have no vested interest either way in you and your family - telling you that these issues you have are overblown, odd and at worst, downright damaging to your DD. So maybe it's time to examine them?

And if these are hang-ups that were passed down from your mother, then you really have to admit that what you think might be an innocent line of questioning to your DD is actually making her just as suspicious and un-trusting of all men. :(

YANBU as your wishes were not followed. Code of conduct in all nurseries should be that a child is not left alone with a carer.

See!

Here's a clue for those people on this thread who couldn't find their arse with both hands and a tracker dog;

YOUR CHILDREN ARE MORE LIKELY TO BE ABUSED BY A MEMBER OF YOUR FAMILY OR A FRIEND THAN A STRANGER.

TypedSlowlyForTheHardOfThinkingTiggaxx

I think MN has finally jumped the shark with this OP.

OP and others of your ilk posting on this thread: you are utterly batshit crazy. That's all that can be said.

I agree with ilovesooty. The Nursery was unreasonable. They should've told the OP to get lost as soon as she mentioned her nasty, nonsensical, pathetic little rule against male workers.

I was abused as a child. This would not stop me allowing my children to go to the toilet accompanied by an adult of the opposite sex. And it sickens me to see that ANYONE would think like this.

If I had concluded that ALL men thought like that particular fucked-up individual, then I would have cut all ties with my father, brother, friends... And I would certainly never have had children to be paranoid about!

I don't know what I am trying to say really. But 'AAAARGH' and 'GGGRR' and 'what the fucking fuck????' come close.

Not to mention a rule that flouts all equality law.

From my experience in health care , i have to say that the female chaperone is largely there to protect the male doctor from unwanted attention/false accusations . Works both ways too , i will often go in if a female doctor females uncomfortable with a male patient . As for sparing embarassment , how is it less so with two people looking at your body ? Anyway as you were

Doh! feels not females !

happy clappy greasy haired woolly liberal.

pmsl!!!! this is what they use as an insult on the plymouth herald site!! hilarious!!!

but you forgot to include the words 'pinko' and brigade' - must try harder.

In all my years on MN , I can honestly say this is the first thread that had made me furious/indignant/incredulous and (almost) speechless.

I have just read the OP to my dh (the filthy pervert) so we can be slack jawed together.

From the equality point of view I get what most people are saying.

I have family experience of child abuse. As such, I was adamant my dd would not be left alone with any male, apart from my dp.

I followed this subtley, without making a fuss. Then my dd was abused by another child on a playdate. I was in the next room at the time.

My point is I understand the feeling of wanting to protect your dc. But in reality there is absolutely nothing you can do to avoid this sort of thing happening.

Sometimes it just happens, when you are least expecting it to.

YABU - I for one am quite concerned that you have this attitude, being a paediatric nurse!

What would be reasonable is to expect 2 members of staff ( not gender specific) to be around when intimate care is being provided.

Didn't you see the news last year - it was a woman who did all the nasty deeds then!