To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

[heyhoplaydough]

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

We're not telling you want to think, we're asking for a reasonable answer as to why you think the way you do.

Look at it this way, you have the opportunity to show loads of posteers the error of our ways, so come on then.

dont be daft beesimo.

Yeh cause we are neglectful biatches aren't we

Rainydaze...awww did your parents do such a poor job with you that you can't make a point without insulting people? Shame.

daft, daft - bloody nuts booyhoo!

"Mam did her best"! ROFL!!

"Mam's stupid paranoia was an embarrassment", more like! Poor DCs!

Beesimo... I'm no wolf and I don't run with any pack, never have, never will. I found Crapola's post offensive and ridiculous and said so.

Until a child can make reasonable judgements I think it's imperitive that their safety is safeguarded.....what's so wrong with that?

And as for why men? Because men are more likely....that's why.

If I was walking in the dark at midnight and someone was following me I would be more worried if it was a man.

Yes Beesimo, my kids are going to be so emotionally damaged because I alowed them to be taken to the toilet by the opposite sex

Op, can I just ask, are you going to complain to the nursery, and do you want anything done to the male member of staff? Should he be given a verbal warning? Note put on his file that he dared take a girl to the toilet?

"I would rather not trust someone in daycare than leave my child at risk of abuse, if that makes me paranoid tough."

Presumably your children are not left alone with your DH given that, statistically speaking, he is more likely to abuse them than anyone in daycare.

imperative

My parents did a much better job than you are, Crap. That's evident to anyone of sane mind reading this thread.

Your poor DCs.

Soup....Yes, because I've never met my husband and so can't make a judgement for myself.

Beesimo, I don't need to be told what to think either.

I sometimes have views that are different from other people, have a bit of a debate about it and realise I may have been wrong or that actually I still believe in my standpoint but I respect the others views. That is life.

Thing is about preschool/school is that children get to mix with other children from all walks of life, different backgrounds, different religions, parents with different incomes/views.

Seems they should open up an adult version.

"Day Orphanages" was a low and uncalled for blow.

God, these threads depress me. Perhaps we should fit all of our male offspring with blinkers as soon as they turn 18 'Happy birthday DS! Now, don't struggle darling, I'm just going to fuse your eyelids so you don't so much as look at a child. I know it seems unfair, but you are in possession of a penis, and therefore a potential pervert'. Total and utter toss. I despair that girls are being raised to fear half the population, thus keeping them in a weak and 'victim' type position.

I haven't had a chance to read through everybody's comments but yes YABU, and paranoid. For goodness sake, this kind of paranoia does nobody least of all you or your child any good, however seems to be an awful symptom of the tabloid fuelled hyper paranoia that over publicises some rare awful atrocities as normal. They are not they are still very very rare thank god.

Unfortunately there are some monsters out there but by demonising everybody (especially a whole gender) doesn't make kids safe - it hides them from life. If you really are this paranoid - why is our kid ever out of your sight because that is really the only way you can be sure.....but how do we know that that is the best solution as kids are far more likely to be abused by a family member....

Reality check! : I presume that they are changing nappies and going to the toilet at the nursery....if its anything like my son's then its hardly private.
If you were asking whether or not its appropriate for a carer to take a child outside of this environment on their own to their home to change them then I might think you had a point.
Not all men with beards are suicide bombers, not all foreigners are illegal immigrants, and not all men are potential abusers.

Crapola, plenty of children are abused by their fathers, fathers who have been met by the mothers and trusted.

I asked Dh about this and his immediate response was that you were being very unreasonable, he was quite annoyed.

I then asked him whether, if he had the choice, of a 16 year old girl or boy babysitting for our DC, who would he pick .............. he annoyed himself ,he would choose the girl.

We're wrong to choose it/think it but we do sometimes?

Rainy....Stop insulting me and my children, it's unnecessary and if you do it again I will report you.

I just asked dd2 if she went to the loo at nursery today, just to see what she said. Her reply was "Dunno. Can't remember. I like toilets. I like doing poos. Poos smell poo poo poo poo" she is still talking about poo, how do I make her stop?

I asked DH if he would mind if a male teacher helped dd2 on the loo and he just looked like this and then moaned at me for asking him stupid questions again because of something I read on MN

I don't insult your DC. I pity them.

Crapola I have teachers and HTs in the family. Several, in fact. I suspect that they would tell you that it's impossible to guarantee that your child won't ever be alone with a teacher/hasn't been alone with a teacher and they would never attempt to give you any assurance of that kind. The chances are, as, I think it was Booy, has said, that they've gone into a classroom to speak to Sir while the other DC are in the playground, gone to find someone to tell something or whatever. How on earth are you monitoring your children and their school to be so convinced otherwise? CCTV? Are your DC fitted with trackers?

I think to be downright direct if I were to ask my teaching staff family members about your confident views that your children are never alone with a teacher they'd laugh like drains.

Wow... It seems both Crapola and OP are setting their DC up for a lifetime of paranoia andd fear of men.

Otherwise, I best go and sack my male babysitter, and ask my best friend to make sure her boyfriend is NEVER alone with DS... Because, you know... Better to have kids afraid of men, and whatnot...

Booyhoo - I just know my dd's wouldn't have wanted a man watching them going to the toilet - at 3, girls are starting to become self conscious of their body and I believe their female dignity should be respected - as soon as they start primary school girls have separate toilets from the boys for this very reason. It serves no moral or social purpose to have a man dealing with my nursery aged dd in this way - I'm in charge, not some happy clappy greasy haired woolly liberal.

I am neither sheep nor wolf but someone who is able to think for themselves and make rational judgements not based in hysteria.

I have done my best for my children so I have no worries there. They are happy, confident and safe.