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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

1005 replies

heyhoplaydough · 09/06/2011 15:24

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
pamelat · 09/06/2011 20:18

I can understand where you are coming from, really I can. I would be a bit worried and ask DD questions about it.

However poor bloke, how sad that we have to live like this. He must be really aware of suspicions and its quite brave for a male to work in this environment. Schools are desperately short of male primary teachers. I feel for him too and hope he isnt aware of your upset/unease. It cant be nice to live under such unfounded suspicion, probably from many of the parents too Sad

Yekke · 09/06/2011 20:19

Your children are NEVER alone, with ANY teacher, Crapola? REALLY?

And you monitor this how, exactly? Hmm

PSCMUM · 09/06/2011 20:20

o dear god, yes you are BU. Very. Are you trying to instill in your kids a totally irrational fear of men?! Do they have a dad? Did they have to get quickly dresssed in a babygrow after being born lest he see them naked?madness.

maypole1 · 09/06/2011 20:20

Add message | Report | Message poster CrapolaDeVille Thu 09-Jun-11 20:11:38
No I don't HE, but then my children are NEVER alone with any teacher male or female....it does not happen, this is for the safety of both teacher and pupils..

It's all very well to think that we're all hysterical but Vanessa George and Paul Wilson all had the opportunity to abuse, I'm pretty sure they were assumed to be safe.

WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING TO DO WHEN THEY START SCHOOL MY SON HAS A MALE TEACHER WHAT INSIST THEIR MOVED CLASS

pamelat · 09/06/2011 20:20

I realise I am wrong to be worried about it but would be naturally suspect, I just mean I get your point.

Its not good to ask questions, its just I would do.

ohnoshedittant · 09/06/2011 20:20

of course YABVU.

This has probably been mentioned up the thread (I haven't read it all), and I don't like to diagnose based on forum posts but OP I think you might be an idiot. You should probably get it looked into....

CrapolaDeVille · 09/06/2011 20:20

Rainydaze....What a ridiculous thing to say. You've read a few paragraphs of my thoughts on one topic and stoop to personal insults? Obviously that makes you a much better catch and mother.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/06/2011 20:21

It might make someone question your motives towards children, Crapola if you feel that way about people you know nothing about. What makes you less likely to abuse children than them?

Choufleur · 09/06/2011 20:21

Do you lot who don't want men taking their DDs to the toilet allow your husbands/partners to look after the children.

You know some abuse is carried out by parents.

weblette · 09/06/2011 20:21

So when do you decide that the 'vulnerable' stage is over? How old will your children be before you judge it safe for them to be in the company of a single adult?

Primalscream · 09/06/2011 20:21

It would be interesting to know how many fathers would be happy for a man to take his dd to the toilet alone -

Rainydaze · 09/06/2011 20:22

Yep Crap, I think I am too. My DCs are not afraid of men and a very sensible children.

CrapolaDeVille · 09/06/2011 20:23

Why would any of my children be alone in a room, without transparency, with a teacher?

Both my sons currently have male teachers who are lovely and delightful and I trust them completely, but they're still not alone with my children as there's no reason to be.

weblette · 09/06/2011 20:23

Just asked mine, he wouldn't be fussed. Turn it round - how many mothers would be happy for a woman to take their sons to the toilet. You are being ridiculous.

Lizzylou · 09/06/2011 20:23

Primal, my DH had no worries about female staff taking my DS's to the toilet/changing their nappies when they were younger.
None whatsoever.

Rainydaze · 09/06/2011 20:25

Primal, DH has absolutely no problem with a male childcare worker taking DD to the loo. He's not a paranoid fool, unlike you and Crap.

BooyHoo · 09/06/2011 20:26

primal can you answer my question please? why would your DD be unhappy about a man taking her to the toilet?

Choufleur · 09/06/2011 20:26

Would you let a woman take your DS's to the toilet when they were younger?

needanewname · 09/06/2011 20:26

My DH is. In fact he is often relived that anyone will take DD2 and her thimble bladder to the loo to give him a break (she always wants him to take her, bit of a daddy's girl - on no should I be worried, maybe he's abusing her, what should i do, he's out at the moment, maybe I should change the locks now and start divorce precedings cos you know hes a man so surely his intentions must be evil.....)

beesimo · 09/06/2011 20:28

Crapola

Don't worry its like arguing with a pack of sheep who think their wolves.

At least when yours are grown they will know Mam did her best for them and but their welfare before any need to be 'politically correct' I always go with my gut reactions and think for me self I don't wait to be told what to think!

needanewname · 09/06/2011 20:29

Crapola - what if all the kids were outside at playtime and for some reason your child comes back into the classroom, they would be alone then!

BooyHoo - I will join you in your search for a reply to your pften psoted question. Primal why would your DD be unhappy about a man taking her to the toilet?

needanewname · 09/06/2011 20:29

Oh God, you're back

Choufleur · 09/06/2011 20:30

It's fuck all to do with being PC and all to do with not being a nutty who suspects that the bogey man is around the corner waiting to snatch my child.

I'm doing my best for my child by teaching him to be safe and not completely paranoid so that he can enjoy his childhood.

needanewname · 09/06/2011 20:30

Its got fuck all to do with political correctness and more to do with yours and others complete inability to see how crazy you are

Choufleur · 09/06/2011 20:30

nutter for those who want to carry on correcting people, not nutty.

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