To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

[heyhoplaydough]

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

Sorry that makes no sense - stupid phone! Should say that we WOULD feel uncomfortable with it.

'Perhaps the answer is that men stop abusing children and then their gender can escape these accusations.'

Um no. The answer is that abusers should stop abusing children.

I'd like to see more men in childcare and have been extremely grateful when a male member of staff took my DD to the loo at a creche. It's a quality to be admired in a man, not feared.

BTW, I was sexually abused by a teacher, over a number of years when I was in my early teens. This certainly does not mean that I see all men as perverts. Those Daily Mail readers who jump to ridiculous conclusions are just stupid and doing good men a MASSIVE disservice.

THink I may have to step away from this thread for a bit.

I honestly can;t believe how thick, stupid, unreasonable/bigoted etc etc some people are.

Crploa the whole thing is mad why would you put your child in the nursery were you don't trust the staff.

Are you all sure this person is not a troll

It's a troll. It must be.

maypole I'm not sure of anything anymore. not on MN anyway.

No I don't HE, but then my children are NEVER alone with any teacher male or female....it does not happen, this is for the safety of both teacher and pupils..

It's all very well to think that we're all hysterical but Vanessa George and Paul Wilson all had the opportunity to abuse, I'm pretty sure they were assumed to be safe.

Wasn't Vanessa a lovely trusted friend of everyone, babysitting and the like. If she was never changing children on her own she couldn't have committed so many crimes undetected.

crapola can you explain your comment about men should stop abusing? why not women?

Crapola - do you trust your husband then? He's male after all, potential abuser in your eyes?

Just had a quick google and the guy suing BA won his case for sexual discrimination and BA have now changed their policy - good for him.

Crapola - how do you know your children are never alone with a teacher - are you school with them every day or do you quiz them when they come home?

Because 'men' are not trusted as much as women with children....it was a flippant comment. Of course noone should abuse anyone, but the comment was in response to someone else saying ....men should.... and so I wrote men should whatever I wrote,.

How on earth do you function with that degree of paranoia? That's what I'm finding hard to understand.

OK so lets stop trusting everyone then, that'll be a lovely world won't it.

I think you'll find I wrote I don't think men are all potential abusers.

And they're not alone because there's no reason to be, if they were in a vulnerable position I would be suspicious. Vanessa George complied with safeguarding procedures at the time.

Crap has a DH?? Why would anyone want to marry someone like that?!

Said it before and I'll say it again: I pity your poor DCs, Crap.

OP - I can ony assume you have had several (it must be more than one) bad experiences with men, and for that I am sorry. I do not understand why you would be so concerned about this otherwise.

It is extremely sad - and potentially quite damaging - that you actually regularly ask your DD if she went to the loo and who took her. :(

Please don't pass your own insecurities and paranoia onto her.

The worst case of the most insidious paedophilia to happen in a nursery setting was instigated by a woman, remember.

I'm sure it's already been mentioned somewhere in the thread but what about the female paedophiles who worked in the nursery somewhere in the South?

You're being ridiculous, OP, a child is at risk from an abuser - male or female, it is not at risk from a normal, balanced human being - male or female.

To put it another way, I wouldn't trust a woman anymore than I would a man.

YABU. My DD is 2 years old and she has a male keyworker. I have no more of a problem him changing her nappy than I have a female worker. He is employed to do a job- if you don't want male workers around her you should change nursery. I can't help thinking there is a deeper reason to your worries though and maybe if this is the case you should be addressing this with someone. Would you let a female worker change a little boys nappy?

I would rather not trust someone in daycare than leave my child at risk of abuse, if that makes me paranoid tough.