Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

1005 replies

heyhoplaydough · 09/06/2011 15:24

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Primalscream · 09/06/2011 19:49

Nothing has happened to my daughters - I just wouldn't want a male taking them to the toilet - I don't know what's so crazy about that considering 99 per cent of child abuse is carried out by men.

wannaBe · 09/06/2011 19:49

I don't get this idea that a child would be more comfortable with a female taking them to the toilet. Where do three year olds learn to be uncomfortable with the idea of being taken to the loo by a man - in truth they only learn that if they are brought up to know that. Children do not have a natural sense of modesty at that age - they just don't. So if a three year old is uncomfortable in the presence of men then surely the parents are answerable for that.

Bucharest · 09/06/2011 19:50

I'm off to chaperone dd to brush her teeth now (I believe her big hairy father is in there too) but I have actually had my faith in MN restored this afternoon.

The last few days there have been some mad as fuck threads, but here at least, there are only 3 madasfuck posters. Roses between thorns indeed.

I feel harmony is at last being restored and I shall go offline all zenlike.

BooyHoo · 09/06/2011 19:51

yay a response from crapola. now taht i have yoru attention. can you please answer my question WRT fees and taxes?

CrapolaDeVille · 09/06/2011 19:51

For me there shouldn't be places in nurseries where any staff can be alone with a child.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 09/06/2011 19:51

Bucharest, have you got your cattle prod ready? You know, for dealing with the resident Man? In case he makes eye contact or scratches his arse or anything?

CrapolaDeVille · 09/06/2011 19:52

Sorry...did you ask me before? Blush [reading back]

BooyHoo · 09/06/2011 19:52

"Nothing has happened to my daughters - I just wouldn't want a male taking them to the toilet - I don't know what's so crazy about that considering 99 per cent of child abuse is carried out by men."

again primal, that is NOT what i asked you!! i asked why your DD would not want a man accompanying her to teh toilet. you said SHE wouldn't be happy with it. why?

wannaBe · 09/06/2011 19:52

no, it is not 99%. not by any means. It is actually around 65% and in fact it is estimated to be less than that according to a recent news report.

and given that 98% of child abuse happens in the child's home there is far more chance that your dh is a child abuser than a random nursery worker. Yet nobody would advocate keeping children away from their fathers - actually I'm sure there are some on this thread who would, but no normal people would..

MigratingCoconuts · 09/06/2011 19:52

'bigotted masses'??

have I misunderstood what the word bigot means? Because it seems to fit your narrowmindedness...surely?

Bucharest · 09/06/2011 19:52

Let's hope none of your children ever need 121 with a TA or anything eh then Crap?

SoupDragon · 09/06/2011 19:53

Why on earth are you asking your DD if she went to the toilet?? I can't say I've ever felt the need to ask any of my three whether they went to the toilet and who took them. You are bonkers. Utterly bonkers. I used to ask them who they'd played with, their favourite bit.

"If staff don't read her file, they do not cater to her individual needs." This isn't one of her individual needs, it is simply your prejudice & paranoia.

alistron1 · 09/06/2011 19:53

Come on, this is a troll surely? No real person could be such a muppet.

needanewname · 09/06/2011 19:54

OMFG - are you really that thick/bigoted - your choice?

If you have been abused then I can see why you may have this opinion but if not then I really can't see why you feel this way.

Can you not see the benefit to all children have male role models at school and nurseries?
Can you not see how crazy you are discriminating against the male population as a whole?
Can you not see why the majority of women on here are up in arms about your opinion?

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 09/06/2011 19:54
Bucharest · 09/06/2011 19:54

Cattle prod?

Nah, I had his bollix in the garlic crusher many years ago.

It's the only way to tame these evil beasts.

Alambil · 09/06/2011 19:54

I haven't read the whole thread, but I would just like to say

W

T

F?

You need therapy to explore your innate terror of men.

BooyHoo · 09/06/2011 19:54

"This isn't one of her individual needs, it is simply your prejudice & paranoia."

agree.

being taken to the toilet is a need. being taken to teh toilet by only females is not a need.

CrapolaDeVille · 09/06/2011 19:55

WannBe....My oldest dd is my third child, so she knew about modesty at three.....you can try to make it mucky, twee or whatever but she just did.

Why would it be that fees/taxes are raised?

Nappies are only changed in communal/open areas and toilet trips are with two staff or something. Fucks sake, are we saying that we, just like the parents where nursery staff have abused children, trust nursery staff so much that we're willing to risk our children? Thank fuck I've never used a nursery.

Sirzy · 09/06/2011 19:55

I do feel sorry for the children who have parents teaching them to be scared of men. I am all for giving children an awareness and encouraging them to be safe but to give the impression that men are bad is wrong on so many levels.

Why is it worse for a male staff member to take a female child to the toilet than for a female staff member to take a male child to the toilet?

Sirzy · 09/06/2011 19:57

So its more dignified to have a nappy changed in an open area than it is to have it done by a man? ok then!!

Rainydaze · 09/06/2011 19:58

I'm glad I'm not a DD of heyhop, Primal or Crap's. Fancy growing up with a "men-are-a-danger" attitude.

You are both doing your DDs a MASSIVE disservice and should be thoroughly ashamed.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 09/06/2011 19:58

Well played, Bucharest

MigratingCoconuts · 09/06/2011 19:58

The pre-school my DC has been the making of them and the care and dedication of the staff will stay with me for a very long time. Thank God for good nurseries

passiveaggresive · 09/06/2011 19:58

i might not be the first to do this but Biscuit

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread