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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

1005 replies

heyhoplaydough · 09/06/2011 15:24

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
reelingintheyears · 09/06/2011 19:41

In my experience the men i knew who were qualified nurses were often presumed to be gay or weird.

They weren't...well....some were but not that many.

My point with the female police officer was that while she was judging male care workers she was not aware that some people may be judging her and coming to an equally wrong conclusion.

ChiddelyPie · 09/06/2011 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

needanewname · 09/06/2011 19:42

Primalscream - mores the pity.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 09/06/2011 19:43

When DS1 went to playgroup there was a male member of staff. Bear in mind this was a decade ago so even more unusual than now. He was AWESOME!!!! After DS left playgroup he did not encounter another male teacher/LSA until year 6! I actually thing that is a tragedy . So many boys are utterly disengaged from education before they even leave primary school and one of the reasons for this is the lack of male role models and the perception that learning is for girls.

wannaBe · 09/06/2011 19:43

oooh it feels good to be on the other side of pedantry for once . Grin

Rainydaze · 09/06/2011 19:43

"I don't need a resonable argument" [sic]. Primal, your poor DCs. Is their dad a better role model (even though he's a man)?!

MigratingCoconuts · 09/06/2011 19:44

yeah, you do need a reasonable argument...please do provide one.

CrapolaDeVille · 09/06/2011 19:45

juvenile Or were you attempting irony?

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 09/06/2011 19:45

Hmm Wannabe that would be juvenille

BooyHoo · 09/06/2011 19:46

primal, can you tell me why your DD fears men? what has happened to make her think tehy should be feared?

TheFlyingOnion · 09/06/2011 19:46

juvenile, anyone?

CrapolaDeVille · 09/06/2011 19:47

I've been thinking about this and if my children ever went to nursery, which they haven't, I would prefer a female taking my dds because I think my dds would have been more comfortable with a female, not that I would think 'prevert'.

PDog · 09/06/2011 19:47

I don't get why gender is an issue here - would an abuser not abuse any child they had access too? Fail to see how only allowing nursery workers to change/toilet children of their own gender safeguards them? So lets just bar men from working in nurseries shall we? Confused

wannaBe · 09/06/2011 19:47

well I'll quite happily admit that I can't spell.

There are a lot of twats on this thread who won't admit to that though.

rather not being able to spell than being a bigotet idiot.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 09/06/2011 19:47

prevert???

DooinMeCleanin · 09/06/2011 19:47

Op, if your dd is almost four, why does she need an escort to go to the toilet? Dd2 has a developmental delay and is about 6 months behind her peers making her around 3.5, development wise.

She has been using the toilet unaided for quite some time now.

BooyHoo · 09/06/2011 19:48

why would they have been more comfortable with a female crapola? what has happened in their lives taht makes them less comoftable with men?

CrapolaDeVille · 09/06/2011 19:48

I may not think pervert either.....always happens when I fucking correct someone.

PrinceHumperdink · 09/06/2011 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

youarekidding · 09/06/2011 19:48

As anyone actually asked why a child of nearly 4 needs accompanying to the loo?

Surley he was just 'there' which is what a female would do.

I am a nursery nurse and when I worked with 3-5's generally all we had to do was 'crowd control' during the mass before lunch pee and be there in case for any other times. In fact by that age children just said they needed to go and member of staff ensured they came back.

CrapBag · 09/06/2011 19:48

I actually saw or read something quite a while ago that said boys don't have enough males in authority, like infant and primary schools, because they are predominantly female environments. Boys are apparently suffering (behaviours etc) because of it. I trained to be a TA and out of the preschool to year 6 there were 3 males and 1 was the head.

K9999 · 09/06/2011 19:48

No thanks Flying, I have Pom Bears. :o

CrapolaDeVille · 09/06/2011 19:49

Possibly because they are surrounded by women, my sister and I are SAHMs and most friends that my children see are women. It's not really uncommon is it?

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 09/06/2011 19:49
MigratingCoconuts · 09/06/2011 19:49

My kids won't give a shit who took them to the loo, nor any other kid of that age I know.

Why would they feel that? Where could they possibly have learned that from?

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