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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

1005 replies

heyhoplaydough · 09/06/2011 15:24

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Primalscream · 09/06/2011 19:17

And nursery age children are the most venerable and in most cases can't even talk!

Choufleur · 09/06/2011 19:17

3 years olds at not self conscious unless their parents have instilled their own hand ups onto them at such an early age.

Ds is 5 and still doesn't care less who sees him with no clothes on or going to the toilet.

needanewname · 09/06/2011 19:17

My girls don;t have a problem with who takes them to the look because its not something that even occurs to them, they just need the loo and need it now.

When they're older it will occur to them, but we are talking about nursery age children here. They will only be bothered if they have picked up some weird attitudes from the adults around them.

BooyHoo · 09/06/2011 19:17

primal why wouldn't your DD want a man taking her to the toilet? has something happened to make her scared of men?

Fimbo · 09/06/2011 19:18

Actually maybe we could create jobs "toilet attendant accompanier".

needanewname · 09/06/2011 19:18

Primalscream, I'm assuimg you don't work, (im sure you will correct me if I'm wrong!) but if you absolutely had to work and there was no family around what would you do?

microserf · 09/06/2011 19:20

YABU, although I understand your concerns. But sadly, we now know women can also be abusive.

BooyHoo · 09/06/2011 19:20

proving you right about what beesimo?

FlubbaBubba · 09/06/2011 19:20

Primal you've clearly never met my kids if you think they are "most venerable" :o :o

PrinceHumperdink · 09/06/2011 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 09/06/2011 19:20

"Day orphanage" !!!!!
Mumsnet quote of the year

Riveninside · 09/06/2011 19:21

Dd is 7 and has opinions on who changes her nappy. She requested female, one carer only and if therewas two, they had to talk to her and not each other. Kids have opinions.

Sirzy · 09/06/2011 19:22

Unless a nursery age child has been taught to be scared of men I very much doubt they would care who took them to the toilet as long as they took them right then when they needed it!

I took my nephew to the toilet today. Is that wrong?

CrapolaDeVille · 09/06/2011 19:22

60% of abuse in daycare is committed by men, given that only 2% of all workers are men, I'd say it's a little more likely and therefore strict safeguards should be in place.

Choufleur · 09/06/2011 19:23

but a 7 year old is different to a baby or toddler. Very small children are just not aware of their bodies in the same way as an older child.

CrapolaDeVille · 09/06/2011 19:25

That's rubbish that children of three are not self conscious, I have five children and can assure you by child number three they knew what was private and had personal boundaries, two of my children have been a little shy, moreso with men.

Choufleur · 09/06/2011 19:25

Well none of the three years olds I've known are self conscious.

TheFlyingOnion · 09/06/2011 19:26

the 7 year old boys in my class have been known to run round with no clothes on when getting changed for PE - I think even lots of 7 yr olds don't give a crap who sees them and what gender they are...

Riveninside · 09/06/2011 19:26

I think they notive about 3. Mine certainly did

saidthespiderwithahorridsmile · 09/06/2011 19:26

rofl at "plough his cock into you"

CrapolaDeVille · 09/06/2011 19:26

I'm really not suggesting that every bloke is a potential abuser, but children are potential victims of abuse and there should be every protection to ensure they're not.

Rainydaze · 09/06/2011 19:27

YABVERY,VERYU! (And ridiculously paranoid and totally thick!)

TheFlyingOnion · 09/06/2011 19:28

Crapola your statistics are completely meaningless as they don't take into account the number of children who are in daycare who are not abused.

As you seem to be convinced your children are about to be abused at daycare, why the hell are they there??

BooyHoo · 09/06/2011 19:28

crapola you didn't answer my question about doubling your childcare fees and increasing your tax payments to cover teh extra staff

wannaBe · 09/06/2011 19:28

"I know plenty of parents haven't got a problem with it - that's fine.
I have." and that isn't fine - it's illegal and sexist and bigoted and any number of unpleasant things.

and ... venerable? Hmm is there a link between these attitudes and education?

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