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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

1005 replies

heyhoplaydough · 09/06/2011 15:24

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
smashinghairday · 09/06/2011 19:08

Ah, sounds good Alistron1.
Just make absolutely sure everyone knows you are a dirty PEEDO and not a paediatrician. I do believe that error has been made by ignorant twats caring parents before.

FlubbaBubba · 09/06/2011 19:08

So now we're supposed to ensure our DHs or male DPs don't help any child at our house to the loo?!!

It has never entered my mind that my DH shouldn't help wipe arses if kids are at our house, nor that my DDs shouldn't get their arses wiped by male friends. Ditto male nursery workers (in fact I chose a nursery partly because they had a male worker. Thought it was refreshing and a much better representation of the sexes to my Dds. Confused

Although by 4, shouldn't your DD be able to go to the loo on her own anyway? :o

OldMacEIEIO · 09/06/2011 19:08

98% of all sexual abuse happens in the home, by family.
So its clear that all kids should be taken from their parents at birth, for their own safety

thats statistics innit

alistron1 · 09/06/2011 19:09

MIFLAW, do you want to borrow my glasses whilst you are out and about?

CrapolaDeVille · 09/06/2011 19:09

I am explaining where this thinking comes from MIFLAW.... it's all about risk, same as anything that can be risk calculated accrding to gender.

smashinghairday · 09/06/2011 19:10

Only pervy if you stick them up a child's arse during a toilet trip, I believe.
Which is very likely indeed if you are a man in a nursery setting. Grin

soverylucky · 09/06/2011 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

smashinghairday · 09/06/2011 19:11

Crapola - you don't half spout it!

BooyHoo · 09/06/2011 19:11

smashing? Hmm

MIFLAW · 09/06/2011 19:11

"Don't you think all staff should ensure that they are not at risk from accusations and that nurseries should safeguard their children from potential abuse? I'm sure both the female and male abusers that have recently been caught were also 100% trusted."

They're only "at risk" from accusations because of HORSE SHIT like this.

Of course nurseries should safeguard children from potential abuse. They do. it's called a CRB check.

"I'm sure both the female and male abusers that have recently been caught were also 100% trusted." So we refuse, on that basis, to let ANY adults take children to the toilets, yes? Just let them piss and shit where they stand and then let it dry to a firm cake? Excellent thinking, my friend.

Riveninside · 09/06/2011 19:11

In schools,or atleast in dds school, children are toileted or nappy changed by same sex carers only. Its like that in all the playscheme settings too. But then these are older kids.

beesimo · 09/06/2011 19:12

primalscream

Well done it takes guts to stand up to Team Lemon and their cling on bunch of suck ups

heyhoplaydough · 09/06/2011 19:12

I can see that it is sexist, I appologise for that. I'm also sexist when I request a female doctor for a smear test - I still do.

OP posts:
needanewname · 09/06/2011 19:12

Sorry everyone, I haven't read all the response as I am hoping that the majority will agree with me.

OP - WTF!!!!!! NOT EVERY MAN IS A PAEDOPHILE OR RAPIST!

Yo do realise that female nursery workers have also been convicted for abusing children don't you (again apologies if this has already been mentioned)

Do you trust the nursery? Do you have any gut feeling about it? Do you have any other problems with the nursery?

If I was this man, I think I would want another worker with me so I couldn;t be accused of anything.

Bessimo - you have some very strange views

MIFLAW · 09/06/2011 19:13

"I am explaining where this thinking comes from MIFLAW.... it's all about risk, same as anything that can be risk calculated accrding to gender."

This is phenomenal horse shit.

The heat generated by the rage I feel at this thread will keep me warm all the way home, where I will do my very best not to abuse my two daughters, even though I am a man and they don't have sticky out bits.

BooyHoo · 09/06/2011 19:13

beesimo, did you used to be a punk?

MeRightYouWrongMeBigYouSmall · 09/06/2011 19:14

beesimo worries me more than the OP actually.

odd!

MIFLAW · 09/06/2011 19:14

"I can see that it is sexist, I appologise for that. I'm also sexist when I request a female doctor for a smear test - I still do."

Presumably that is for modesty and empathy's sake, though, not out of fear that he will plough his cock into you as soon as the door is shut?

More irrelevant horse shit.

needanewname · 09/06/2011 19:14

Agreed - posts on threads are getting more and more bizzare!

valleyqueen · 09/06/2011 19:15

Day orphanage?

Heard it all now, I will be sure to leave the next one home alone when I am at work that will be much safer than a man obviously!

Primalscream · 09/06/2011 19:15

I haven't got a problem with females at all - and I'm not suggesting all male nursery staff are there purely to abuse children, of course they're not, but I would think of my dd and I bloody well know she wouldn't want a man taking her to the toilet - fgs you have to think about how the child feels, or are you too busy being liberal?
I know plenty of parents haven't got a problem with it - that's fine.
I have.

needanewname · 09/06/2011 19:15

Sorry that was to MeRIght....

Also agree with MIFLAW. Am not a man but am so angered by this kind of attitude.

Choufleur · 09/06/2011 19:15

Maybe I should have demanded that only men take my DS to the toilet, wouldn't want another woman seeing his winky . If that had been the case he wouldn't have had his nappy changed, apart from the six months when they had one male member of staff who frankly was brilliant with the kids!

Fimbo · 09/06/2011 19:16

O M F G. Is this for real?

Jesus wept. There may be lots of female staff, but staff who are doing their job looking after the other children too. It is not always possible for another member of staff to accompany another to take a child to the loo. Having worked in a similar setting you would simply be hanging out in the loo all day.

beesimo · 09/06/2011 19:16

Keep it up your just proving me right!

How dare anyone disagree with you how Odd of them

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