To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

[heyhoplaydough]

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

I've a feeling that the OP is far too busy building a little bridge to come back on here.

I actually think that Beesimo and the op and others who subscribe to their moronic views are doing far more damage to their children than any well-intentioned man.

so -

ibu to think that teaching your children that all men are bad and should be avoided is child abuse?

Oh I have a vision of a small child,tied to a chair,light shining in her eyes.

Tell me who took you to the toilet or the teddy bear gets it!!

Of course you're not being unreasonable, after all females are never involved in child abuse.

You are unhinged, paranoid and sexist.

Beesimo
OP

PLEASE explain rationale behind distrusting strange men more than strange women. I do understand that it is your opinion and you are entitled to it (in the same way that you are entitled to say silly things on any topic you please) but surely you must have a form of logic to back it up?

And don't come out with, "oh, my kids would have been frightened" because clearly that is down to the fact that you have taught them that strange men are scarier than strange women, which comes back to you distrusting strange men more than strange women.

I would not leave my bairns with anyone they didn't know when they were little, man or woman BUT I know all women don't have the choice as need to work outside home.

I was going to say what I would do if I wasn't 'me' but then that is rubbish bullshit because I can't understand why you do what you do.

Imaginary B may get shop work and leave bairn in nursery looked after by women she don't know. But strange men no!

what pray is an imaginary B please?

Dont worry the men in white coats will be along to take you away to your padded room soon OP

It is against the law to discriminate based on gender and if you are asking the nursery to do this you are asking them to break the law and also you are a loon

To all who think men should not work with children or change nappies or help with toileting remember the worse cases of the last few years and more often than not a woman has been involved so unless you want to keep your child in a cocoon trust that most people are good and are innocent until proven guilty

"But strange men no!"

That's the bit I don't get.

PLEASE explain.

But why ? Why are men worse than women? Why does someone's sex automatically make them more dangerous?

Beesimo, maybe you could go to college when your bairns are old enough to fend off all the evil peedos?

@ "nails in pink shimmer" - DS went to babysit one night and the 5 year old girl had a great time. He came home having taken bobbles out of his hair, with a lovely line in blue eyeshadow, dark pink blusher and red lippy. And nails painted blue.

I roared with laughter - his attitude was it made the babysitting easy and gave him peace, she liked it, where was the harm.

But obviously there must have been coz he's a fella see

yabu and a sexist.

what is wrong with a male taking a child to the toilet ????

but why are women safer in your opinion beesimo? why would your DC be less upset with a strange woman than a strange man?

beesimo would you remove your child from a nursery if a new male member of staff joined?

You are so unreasonable its out of this world, and all this nonsense of "who took you to the toilet DD?" is likely to give her a complex and the same unfounded fears/issues that you appear to have.

Would you have preferred your child to wet herself? Because perhaps that was the only other option

Ridiculous

Its about personal choice. As an adult you are always offered a chaperone for certain procedures, you can request a female doctor etc, why cant I request a female to take my DD to the toilet. I wouldn't send her into a male public loo when she's older. I'm not the sort of person who uses the male loos if there is a queue for the ladies. When we go swimming I change in female changing rooms or if I used the family changing rooms I opt for a cubicle rather than an open plan communal changing area.

I am not angry at the individual male member of staff, as much as DDs key carer and the manager because my specific wishes were not upheld. There were plenty of female staff on hand who could have taken her.

I can see that I'm clearly more concerned/ paranoid about paedophiles than most of you that have responded. They shouldnt have agreed to my stipulation if it was so unreasonable and then I would have taken her elsewhere. Of course I know not all men are paedophiles and that not all paedophiles are men. I can see the benefit of male role models in an education / play / care setting. However, my daughter is not missing out on anything by not having male staff take her to the toilet. There is no role model type of benefit to my DD in that situation that she would be missing out on.

Of course my DH takes my DD to the loo. Other male relatives have never needed to, but I'm sure they'd prefer I or another female relative took them if we were all available.

If I told all the staff that DD was a strict vegetarian and they gave her burgers I would also be annoyed. If staff don't read her file, they do not cater to her individual needs.

I do not interrogate my DD. I add the toilet question into other general ones about her day. She is almost 4 and can easily and happily tell me about what she did in a particular day. She has no idea I am unhappy that the male member of staff took her to the toilet.

I can see that you all think I'm unreasonable. Fair enough. I asked because I have the intelligence and class to pause and consider my responses, rather than swearing or name calling. I will take the few measured articulate responses on board. Thank you.

Beesimo you sound doolally tapped. Are you Rab C Nesbitt by any chance?

Heyho - do you ask her every day who takes her to the toilet?

Heyho its not personal choice though, its you discriminating. If I were a racist would my personal choice stretch to 'I dont want a black man working for me as I believe they are all drug dealers'?? Would it bollocks. You have been given a unanimous verdict yet you still fail to acknowledge how staggeringly WRONG you really are?

And actually I agree with you that they should not have agreed to your request that only female members of staff took your DD to the toilet. Maybe you should go into the nursery and express your disquiet. Perhaps the male member of staff wasn't made aware of your orders regarding your DD.