To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

[heyhoplaydough]

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

"Yes, of course, paedophiles are a huge worry for parents"

Not this parent they're not!

Stepfather is related, anyone living in your house is related as they are honary 'aunty uncle ect. Stranger the child don't know no way!

op - if you think men may fiddle with little girls

do you also think woman would fiddle with little boys?

therefore no staff should take the opposite sex child to the toilet?

I'm going against the grain here to say YANBU.

You explicitly told the nursery of your wishes on more than one occasion and they went against you. Doesn't matter what you requested. As a parent your wishes should be followed regardless of whether or not they agree with you.

Not on the same scale but I would be raging if I found DD had been given cows milk at nursery rather than soya milk - Not because she is allergic, its just my preference. And as such it should be listened to.

Beesimo - what would you say about my son then, who is a respectable young man, no peedo traits of any description and has happily changed manys a nappy in his time? He babysits the kids next door, the wee boy has just turned two, the wee girl is three, he could come and get me to change their nappies but he's happy to deal with it (It's only shit and wee mum no big deal) and in actual fact, I am vomit phobic - he does the bokeys for me, I can't do sick.

Or me. Probably one of the lowest things on the scale of things to worry about as a parent.

'As a parent your wishes should be followed regardless of whether or not they agree with you.' - even if those wishes are against the law and dangerous to child's well being like this request?

Beesimo

Is there any consistent reasoning behind your view point or are you just vomiting out words at random?

"anyone living in your house is related as they are honary 'aunty uncle ect. Stranger the child don't know no way!"

beesimo- statistiacally, by whom is most child abuse carried out?

f

That is differnet story to stranger man who may be working in nursery for only one day. Your lad is trusted friend to family he is big brother figure to bairns not STRANGER

I think some requests from parents the nursery have to (in a respectful way) say won't be possible or not always possible.

I think this is one of those cases. I would never dream of asking for a member of staff not to look after Ds because i didn't like them (which is basically what this comes down to) because its not practical.

If you don't like male staff find a nursery that doesn't have them. Then a school which doesn't.

Dear Creche,
I would like only female members of staff to change The Toddlers nappy.White females.White females with brown hair.White females with brown hair and green eyes.White females with brown hair,green eyes and nails painted in pink shimmer.I am a parent so you must obey me.

Yours,
BumWiper

Beesimo - I don't think the nursery worker would be there for only one day. I got the impression he was a regular member of staff, but of course I could be wrong.

My DS has done babysitting for kids he hardly knows, friends of friends who've seen him at church events or family BBQ's or have heard how good a babysitter he is. He would change any child's nappy if required. I know he would. (FWIW he would also change an elderly person's incontinence pad, or sit very patiently with a child and let them put make up on him or bobbles in his hair he's that sort of a chap)

None of that makes him automatically a peedo.

Strangers, obviously BooyHoo. They're lurking behind every bush and round every corner, just waiting to pounce, don't you know

I feel very, very sorry for Beesimo and Op. It must terrifying believing that that half of the poplation is a danger to you and your child. How they manage to sleep is beyond me.

I actually feel sad for my DS thinking that he is going to face this sort of prejudice in his life going forward as he works with children and young people.

What ever you say about stats say this that or other I do not leave small children to be handled by man they don't know. I don't care what you say or if you laugh or try and shame me.

They would of been frightened and upset.

But that applies to a woman they don't know just as much beesimo surely? Surely being handled by any stranger they would have been frightened and upset?

What about women they don't know?

Oh Dooin - x-posts

Do you leave them with women they don't know then? I love the assumption that women are "safe" because of course there are never stories of children being harmed by women are there!

I think it's scary children are being brought up to be scared of all men. Should they not learn to approach a policeman if lost/in trouble just incase they are a bad man?

"You explicitly told the nursery of your wishes on more than one occasion and they went against you. Doesn't matter what you requested. As a parent your
wishes should be followed regardless of whether or not they agree with you." bullshit.

For one, sexual discrimination is against the law.

If the parent doesn't want certain people looking after her child then she should quit her job and look after her herself.

But given she hasn't actually been back to this thread since starting the op I'd say that she probably doesn't even have a child, much less that any nursery would pander to such a request.

YABU, and sound a bit unhinged tbh.

"I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened."

If you have genuine concerns about the male members of staff at your DD's nursery, why have her there at all? Or do you think that any man is immediately going to act inappropriately when left alone with a child? This is the most stupid and depressing post I've read for a while.