To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

[heyhoplaydough]

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

OP you are making a terrible generalisation, its sad that people out there feel like this! in fact no it not sad it makes me really angry

Chiddely I said pink shimmer.No shimmer,no nappy.

Beesimo you do realise that just because someone is a relative (honoury or otherwise) it doesn't mean they are not abuser. In fact out of the few cases I know of personally it's been a close family friend or a relative.

To worry that every male stranger that comes in contact with a child is an abuser is barmy.

It is not the same thing as being a vegetarian, because that is not discriminatory to a member of staff like your request is, nor is being a vegetarian unfounded, like your request appears.

Furthermore it is not the same as an adult having a chaperone as a 3 year old has no sense of embarrassment or discomfort.

I am shocked tbh that the male worker hasn't took issue with you implying for no reason what-so-ever apart from his gender that he has a sexual intrest in children, and with your demands impairing him from performing his job to the best of his abilities

What a sad and scary world you live in to distrust all men.

YABU. How would you feel if someone said that you were not to be trusted to do something because you are a woman?

"There were plenty of female staff on hand who could have taken her. "

so you have spoken to the manager about this and asked why it was a male?

Erm, sorry to say but out of all the people EVER to be convicted/caught of abusing children in care/daycare/school how many are men and how many are women?

Seems that many posters are quite happy to lump all men as potential wife beaters but not abusers.

Yanbu - At all.

"I asked because I have the intelligence and class to pause and consider my responses... "

Class?

I've heard it all now. Men are incapable of being trusted to toilet little girls and the OP considered her responses because she has class.

Forgive me for being classless riff-raff but I'm still intrigued to know whether the OP would insist on a male carer toileting a son, if she had one.

My DC mix with strangers all the time and have since they were tiny, they are not frightened of men. I have never gone out about peedos to them, I just happen to disagree with a strange man (to them) taking the clothes off and changing their bums.

I realise the fact you can leave your children in day orphanages day after day probably means it don't matter that much to you who you leave them with.

is this for real?

Jeez you should live in France, they take the little ones to the toilet on mass at various times during the day mainly before play times, they do this with one teacher/helper on bum wiping duty, its like a bike rack in there

sorry YABU and discriminatory against a member of staff who has been CRB checked

Seems that many posters are quite happy to lump all men as potential wife beaters but not abusers.

Erm who tf thinks that?

Have you visited all of the boards?

I'd also complain and take my dd out of that nursery.

crapola even if you could produce statistics to answer your question you would have to take into account the huge number of child abuse victims that dont report abuse by a woman because it is seen as not normal. also teh amount of chidlren who were too young to know they were ever abused. no-one can know what sex their abusers were.

Hahaha Beesimo you are funny- I can just picture you with your string vest staggering along covered in vomit ranting at passers by!

Can I check if the child has a father or other male role models in her life?
what contact are they allowed with her.
Surely you trust her father, or grand father or uncle?
I would be delighted that there was a male member of staff in a totally overpopulated by females sector. (if that makes sense?)

Please think about the messages you are teaching your daughter about men. It is very very negative.

beesimo were you once a bit daft?

it's not personal choice though.

Substitute "male nursery worker" for "black nursery worker" and the discrimination is exactly the same.

I don't actually believe that the nursery agreed to your request - perhaps you put it in writing and they put int on the file but I imagine they just ignored it because they legally cannot agree to it. I imagine they're not actually obliged to tell you that they won't meet that kind of request since it is just blatant discrimination and is illegal. In fact, I imagine that given your request is on file in writing the nursery worker in question would have good grounds to take you to court.

You say this is a personal choice but I disagree.

Your opinion here is as repulsive to us as if you had said 'its my personal opinion but I just do not want anyone who is black wiping my child's bottom'

You are demonstrating ignorance and sexism and it is as vile as racism. How dare imply this hard working member of staff is anything less than a total professional without any foundation in fact.

About 2% of nursery workers are male and yet more male workers than women have been accused/convicted of abuse. So why aren't nurseries safe guarding their staff and children in their care?

oh, high five wannabe!!!