To be furious that a male nursery worker took DD to the toilet today

[heyhoplaydough]

I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet without a female chaperone. As a paediatric nurse I know that it is common policy for male doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals to have a female chaperone present when examining or carrying out treatments on children, if their parents are not present. Adult female patients are also given female chaperones during examinations where they are undressed. This is to protect their dignity and to spare embarrassment on both sides.

Why are these basic measures not in place in childcare settings?

On joining this specific nursery, I was assured that only female members of staff change nappies or take children to the toilet. I explicitly wrote in my DD's file, that she is only to be changed or taken to the toilet by female members of staff. Each time she has moved up to a new room within the nursery I have explicitly told her key carers the same.

I regularly ask my DD whether she went to the toilet and who took her, along with other questions about her day, like who she played with, what activities she did, what she had for lunch etc. Today she told me that the only male member nursery nurse took her to the toilet, without any other staff. She also said that she wiped herself and pulled her own knickers up, and does not seem at all upset, so I am confident that nothing untoward happened. However, I feel this was entirely inappropriate, and there were several female members of staff available to take DD to the toilet instead. I am absolutely furious that my wishes as her parent were not followed. Am I being unreasonable?

Bloody hell OP. i know it's been said to death but I feel its worth being said again.

YABU. Really fricking U.

Have you considered a job writing for the DM?

YABU. DD used to have a male childminder, who not only took her to the loo and wiped her bum but was in the house on his own with her. Shock horror! Guess what, she was never abused.

I have left my dd and ds in nurseries but was upset when a male nursery worker started. My fears were unfounded and I said nothing to the nursery but the problem I have is I was sexually abused as a child and so was my sister. One of the perpertrators was my best friends Father when I went to a sleep over at their house.

The other thought I had was the op says she is a paediatric nurse, maybe she has seen injuries caused by children who have suffered sexual abuse.

Nobody wants to think ill of anyone but the OP's reaction is very similar to how I feel about men. I have had a lot of treatment and spells in a psychiatric hospital as an in patient. I am about as okay in my head as I will ever be as a survivor of abuse. I have managed to work and no one would ever guess what I have been through.

OP, as you are a nurse I have to ask - do you have first hand experience of a male member of staff abusing a little girl whilst unchaperoned? If not, where has this irrational fear come from? Yes, of course, paedophiles are a huge worry for parents but, as many people have said before me, paedophiles are not only male & it is not only little girls who can be sexually abused! Would it still be inappropriate for a male nursery worker to take a little boy to the toilet?

IMO, it would be a more rational conversation to have with your DD to make it clear in a nice non-scary way that she must tell you straightaway if ever ANYBODY does anything that she does not like/understand or that she thinks mummy would never do. I'm not sure of the best wording exactly but hopefully you understand what I am trying to say. To be regularly asking her specifically about toilet trips will only serve to make her paranoid surely?

Hmmm. Maybe we are then.

Carry on.

idiot.

Yabu. I think it's very sad that people automatically assume the worse of any man wanting to work with children.

If your Dd was desperate for the toilet and the only member of staff free was male would you rather she was left to wet herself?

B will tell the truth and say where she is coming from.

I think a Man changing a child he is not related to is very 'wrong' and should not be allowed.

If nursery had made promise to Mam they should stick to it, otherwise they are proven liars who cannot be trusted one inch.

I am bumping other thread about nursery to add to my point

Troubletutmill - actually, yes, if the OP has experienced what you have, then that would be probably be the one instance in which I would say YANBU about this . It would still probably be unfair on male care workers as a whole, but much more understandable nevertheless.

'I have always felt that it is inappropriate for male members of staff to change babies nappies or take young children to the toilet'

bl**dy hell yabu!

My DS did a job as a careworker in a nursing home as a gap year job. He is also much in demand as a baby sitter, so much so that he used to have to keep a diary of when he was babysitting who. He would babysit kids of either sex from babies up. Kids love him and love being around him. So, is he a sick peeeedo then? Or just a nice bloke who likes kids, is used to them as he has two wee sisters and is happy to change nappies and do whatever is needed? I am disgusted that anyone would ever think that my son would be anything other than totally normal around a child.

And that nursery worker is someone else's son.

fuck deleted a bit of that post. He is enhanced CRB checked for his work with the elderly and is a leader in a church childrens youth club.

Yanbu, you have stated a preference and they agreed they could do it and haven't. You may be wrong about someone else being avaible though.

Yabu re your request in my opinon.

Hello beesimo.

Was wondering when you'd pitch up with your words of wisdom.

It's no wonder there is a lacking of males working in caring roles with young children if the attitudes of some on here is what they can expect!

I personally think yabu and very discriminatory towards male staff.

However, as the nursery agreed to your sexist request, then they are wrong to not go along with it, unless it was an emergency.

BTW, if you had a son, would you ask fro a male staff only to deal with their toiletting needs?

And I've been making letting dh change my dc's nappies all this time. How could I have been so irresponsible ?

If there are people out there with more than 2 brain cells to rub together who truly believe this sort of thing then I'd say 'get a grip OP'.

However, I hope fear that it might be a wind-up .

YABVVVVVVVVVU
Statistically speaking, paedos are most definitely not lurking around every corner, and yet you seem to think that this nursery worker is guilty by association, because yes, you've criminally profiled him off your own bat. Your grounds for suspicion are that he happens to have a penis. It doesn't get more sexist than that. It's a hysterical view of men and one that is actually harmful for children, as many, many men now routinely withdraw from engagement with them in case they are wrongly suspected of some misdemeanor or other. You need to get a grip and probably counselling if you are this paranoid of male nursery workers IMO.

She's surely a fucking fruitcake.

"B will tell the truth and say where she is coming from.

I think a Man changing a child he is not related to is very 'wrong' and should not be allowed."

Imbecile.

Dh is not related to dd1. Should I tell him he can no longer bath her, but can bath dd2? Because obviously if he was a peadophile he'd only be a danger to children he's not related to wouldn't he?

What a silly, silly thing to say.

Hello Bucharest

Queen of the snides

Came here to tell you YABU but have spent most of the last 20 minutes laughing at booyhoo posts.

Seriously, I can understand your upset your wishes have been over riden but it is possible all other staff were bus and its far less embarassing for your DD for a male to 'take her' stand outside door whilst she goes than for her to have an accident.

My DS out of school care has 5 male members. They are all fab and sometimes they will accompany children and other times females.

YABU. Very.

I am really hoping this is a wind up. If not the OP is possibly the most stupid and ignorant person I've ever come across. No wonder there are so few male workers in Early Year settings with idiots like her about.