...to smoke cannabis while breastfeeding

[SemiCharmedWife]

I don't know where to begin.

Actually I do, I'm not a troll, I'm not a regular poster who has namechanged, I'm a lurker who reads the reviews and reads the forums when the baby is having a day of eating and I am stuck to the sofa. This is probably a one-shot username and as it is, I am a little worried someone will trace my IP because what I'm doing is illegal and probably a bit wrong, but I can't be bothered with the SWIM (Someone Who Isn't Me) games. Please be aware I am not taking this lightly, but I don't know who else to come clean to.

I realise by saying 'I'm not a troll', 95% of people will nod and think 'that's what a troll would say'.

I'm procrastinating.

I still smoke weed while breastfeeding DD (4 months) and I was still toking while pregnant. I found out I was pregnant when I was over 20 weeks gone last autumn - if it had been all nicely planned, I tell myself I would have given up. I had an easy pregnancy, a natural labour and DD was a week overdue and perfectly healthy. I am aware that I potentially have dodged a bullet and I would have been devastated if there had been something wrong with her. I think I'm an average mum. I love her (although it wasn't instant, she makes me melt now when she smiles and laughs), I am patient 97% of the time, most housework gets done and I take her out of the house every other day at least.

But I never managed to stop smoking cannabis.

I was going to stop at the new year, then I was going to stop when the baby was born, then I was only going to smoke when the baby was in bed and we tried... but right now, we're smoking as soon as DH gets in from work, then maybe after dinner then almost definitely before bed. One of us stays with DD and we take turns if she's being grumpy, otherwise we go outside and keep an eye on her if she's downstairs/take the monitor if she's in bed. I don't get so stoned that I couldn't react if there was an emergency, I just relax and chat with DH.

Are there any studies that say whether the downsides of smoking weed outweight the downsides of formula? I'm reluctant to give up breastfeeding because it's working for us and I wouldn't be able to pick it back up again, but I can't help but think I am drugging my DD sometimes. Are there actually plenty of mums who still smoke and it's a big, well-kept secret? Am I worrying too much and me and DH will grow out of it (I make us sound like teenagers, we're both mid-20s)? It has to be said that while I would quite like to stop sometimes, my DH will apply pressure to spend money on weed, is very pro-smoking and doesn't think I'm doing/have done anything wrong and even voiced the opinion that I had such an easy pregnancy because I was smoking (not in spite of!). What will the police/SS actually do if someone reports me? Do I deserve to have my baby taken away from me?

I don't know what I'm expecting by posting this, but I'm too scared to be honest with the Health Visitor or the Doctor and I'm even lying to most of my friends (who knew I smoked but presumed I gave up when I was pregnant/had DD). Maybe I need to have my arse kicked and my face rubbed into cold hard facts that prove what I am doing is DISGUSTING and WRONG. Maybe people will surprise me and admit a lot of parents (especially with littl'uns who don't understand) still smoke cannabis, my DH is right and I should just stop worrying. Maybe people will empathise and have ideas on how to say no while DH is outside the back door smoking.

And let the judging commence.

I have a feeling that the benefits of bf do make it a slightly better option, not least because many of the effects are like passive smoking which will affect the baby even if you FF. But, really, whether you BF or FF isn't going to make a massive difference. The problem is the drug taking - stopping bf doesn't mean it's okay to keep smoking so much. Having a high tolerance, BTW, doesn't mean there is less of it in your blood. It's probably worse in a way, because your baby won't have a high tolerance to it, but if you are, you're probably taking more than you might otherwise.

I can see why you are relying on it as a crutch ATM. But you really need to find another way to deal with these issues. Have you had any kind of therapy at all? Would you also consider any kind of alternative/holistic therapy? I know that Reiki is supposed to be very helpful for recovering from addiction and people who have experienced it having previously been drug users state that it has a similar calming effect, without the downsides and side effects. You can start this before starting to cut down as well.

Good luck! :)

I came off various meds with the support of my named psychiatrist (who as a rule, I really don't get on with but that was the only way it was going to work). I was honest about smoking cannabis when we found out I was pregnant (hell, I was 18 weeks pregnant, blissfully unaware, sitting in a hot tub drinking and smoking at a hen night). Then no one thought to ask if I was still smoking cannabis specifically, only smoking in general so I got 'lucky' and slipped past a lot of awkward questions. I don't like doctors, having spent a lot of time in them when I was on regular medication.

I used to drive, still have my license but no car as I didn't need one and wasn't really supposed to drive when taking quetiapine, but (you'll love this) I wouldn't drive when I had been smoking because if anything had happened, I would have always been asking 'what if i hadn't had that smoke?'.

About going back on meds, I can't take quetiapine and get up during the night for DD, it knocks me out for a good 8 hours sleep. I can't just take anti-ds because they make me a bit uninhibited, excitable and take away my ability to make rational decisions*. It's a bit all or nothing if I go down that route again, but for now I'm coping well. I don't know what the situation is now, but I wasn't eligible for CBT or counselling as I had had it too recently with a local young person's charity so they didn't think I needed it through the NHS. Drug counselling might be different, as I said in the OP, I haven't had the balls to look into it.

Primarily, I need to stay sane. I'm worried that I won't be able to function as a parent at all and end up back where I was a few years ago if I fall out with DH over this whilst giving up a lifetime habit. I just don't think there will ever be a good time. I'm getting by at the moment and DD seems healthy and happy, but I don't like the omitting of truth (the lies), I worry about the legalities and yes, I obviously worry about negative effects on her.

I think that's a few questions covered. Been thinking about it a lot this morning, been in tears a bit, still not sure if I am ready to admit I have a problem to anyone IRL. Just the thought of telling one or two of my closest friends leaves me cold. Not sure if I will ever get to the getting outside help stage, giving up quietly and cold turkey without involving any authorities/groups/doctors/other people is a much more palatable option.

This is probably the underexaggeration of the century. Last time I was just on ADs (a few years ago) I ended up 350 miles away from home, riding in a fast, red car with a stranger to go and pick up some smack because that sounded like SUCH A FUN PLAN!*

**If anyone is reading who knows me IRL, that will have just outed me unless it's a routine situation for people who have hypomanic episodes.

I think that alot of people dont really understand the difference between a few spliffs and mega drug addiction (al la transpotting) hence the alarmist comments! including:

illegal, dangerous, selfish, cruel

Your child will grow up thinking that a house full of stoners and a drug culture is normal. Do you really want that for her?

so you need to start Formula Feeding now

This is why I said you are mad to post on here and you wont get any real advice on whether cannabis will pass to baby, just a flaming

Do you think there is a built in cannabis filter in OPs breasts?

Also - do seek help from your Health Visitor or GP, it's what they are there for. Even if the case does go to social services, they will not take the baby away unless they believe the baby to be at risk of serious harm - parental drug use is not considered by itself to be harmful. (If you were e.g. having regular psychotic episodes or seriously neglecting her then that would be when they would intervene.) They can support you in cutting down or quitting so that you can be a better parent to your LO.

Most of us dont actually know anything, not enough to really advice you.

If you seriously think that cannabis keeps you sane, you need to lay all your cards on the table with your gp, about your medicine, your reaction to stopping medicine, self medicating with weed, etc, and find a solution.
Do you think that the psychosis you suffered in the past when you tried to give up was actually part of the withdrawal symptoms?

I had a friend who ended up spending half a year in a Buddhist monastery in north India to "clean" up and ride out his withdrawals. He really suffered total mental anguish, and he had never been into any hard drugs. Just hash, and the odd "party pill".

But meanwhile, try and google cannabis and breastmilk and if you find any evidence that this is passing to your baby, then formula is a good alternative. Then tackle your drug / medicine issues.

THC is stored in the fatty tissues of the brain. So YANBU to smoke and continue breastfeeding. Please stop NOW and give your child formula. There isn't some health benefit trade off here, you're being very stupid if you think there is.

And since you asked: I'm not as nice as some of the other posters. I think you're a fucking selfish idiot. You put yourself and your wants ahead of your child's. I have quite a few family and friends who smoke weed, and I can't think of anyone who continued during pregnancy and breastfeeding, or if they took it up again, continued to smoke at the level you are after the child was born. The few who did continue to smoke cut down a lot and made sure they always did it outside.

That is, unless they were also as selfish as you, and they lied about it to medical professionals and family and friends.

Nothing in your post speaks about your love or concern for your child, just about how much you want to figure out if it's ok to keep getting stoned.

The smoking is one thing. From what you just said about being scared of falling out with him, it is obvious you are addicted to him. Being addicted to unhealthy relationships is worse than a bit of smoking for a child. I know, I have won prizes for violent and abusive men. I know what people used to say to me used to make me want to puke but it's bloody true. If he really loved and cared for you he would support you in making a decision to change your life for the better. If you are seriously saying that he would fall out with you if you stopped smoking then you really do have a problem. I am trying hard not to think you are pathetic but, now I don't have to be scared of my partner anymore, I am struggling to remember that horror and terror of his rejection. I just wish that bastard had rejected me rather than taking up 5 years of my twenties. Sorry but you are the only person who can change this.

I may be mad, but I posted on here fairly deliberately, my Mum dealt while she was in Uni and then still smokes occasionally out of the house (and my brother is still in primary school). She smoked through all 4 pregnancies and is quite casual about it. My friends who smoke are (not surprisingly) supportive and have opinions like I saved myself from getting PND by keeping relaxed and smoking. This is a wider group of people who have their own experiences that I just wouldn't meet in real life, let alone talk to about something this sensitive.

Posting here has actually helped a lot, especially hearing from the people who used to smoke with their partners, gave up and are still happily married with other things filling their life.

Although I may not be as tough as I thought as I have had to have quite a few cuddles with DD and remind myself that I haven't ruined her life forever already.

Op, my biggest secret one than I can never admit or share with anyone is that I also smoked pot when bf my children.
I stopped when I was pregnant and then stupidly and selfishly started again when the dc where about six weeks old.
I fed dc1 for 14 weeks and dc2 for 9 months.
For some warped reason I decided that breast milk was better even though I knew of the risk to the dc.
I finally stopped smoking pot completely when dc1 was 6 and dc2 5.
I also have mental health problems and looking back can see how I thought smoking kept me calm when in reality it was doing the complete oppsosite.
One day I just decided to stop completely, no going back. It has been four years since I last smoked weed.
My dc2 is completely normal, a very bright intelligent child.
My dc1 however is severely autistic, who knows what caused it. I live with the guilt every single day that my actions could be completely responsible for his disability.
I will never ever forgive myself for the decisions I made all those years ago.
You know uabu, if you are going to continue smoking then ff. The right thing to do is to stop , now.
My dh still smokes, it repulses me know.
Please do something, ask for help or just do it on your own, the addiction is purely psychological.
If you really want to do this you will, if not you'll still be skinning up when your child is old enough to notice the difference between a stoned Mum and a straight Mum.
Please don't continue t make the same mistakes I made, I live with the guilt daily and will do for the rest of my life.

Op have you ever tried to actually stop before?

Most of us late thirties people will have grown up in smoke laden houses, long car journeys with smoking parents etc etc, when my 30 year old sister was born my mum was still allowed to smoke in the maternity ward. That is not what is so disturbing about your post. It is more that you seem to need to have this exclusive thing to share with your DH to the exclusion of your baby.

OP, your addiction is giving you so many reasons not to seek help, but still you know you have a problem and want it sorted. Fear, the language of the drug, but you can get over the fear. So here it is:

You didn't get on with your psychiatrist, but as you said you didn't need to.
You lied to hide your addiction. All addicts do. Your original post has made it clear that you don't want to lie anymore. Good for you.
No one really likes spending time with their doctors, however doing so normally means better functioning. That you will like.
When providing you with medication, tell them that due to your very young child you want to err on the side of caution and work it from there. Meds are not All or Nothing, they can be changed or the dosage altered. It can be hard work all that tweaking, but it is worth it.
The situation, your situation has changed. If your psychiatrist/doctor cannot get you counselling, go to a charity and get it. Many counselling agencies will do work for free if you are on a low income.
Your balls are growing bigger as your child is.
Giving up without outside help is more palatable, but it isn't working is it? And with your history of MH problems it is not to be recommended.

Contact the professionals, get the help and support that you need and then you can start to make changes. You don't have to tell your friends, see if you can find a Narcotics Anonymous group close to you.

Most of all, you can't tell the future. You don't know what will happen with your relationship if you can combat this, but you do know that becoming free of your addiction will be amazing for you and your child.

porcam, I don't get your comparison with alcohol. Am pretty sure no-one on this thread thinks an alcoholic breastfeeding mother is acceptable either. In what way is having some wine now and then comparable with constant weed smoking during daytime hours?? Constant alcohol drinking during daytime hours would be a big parenting no-no to most people I am sure.

" She smoked through all 4 pregnancies and is quite casual about it."

Do you think there may be a link between your mum smoking weed when carrying you (and possibly breastfeeding you) and your own mental health problems?

If so, dont you feel a bit angry? That your mum through her casual handling of drugs has caused you this?

You are possibly giving your children the same.....

I didn't breastfeed my second child at all. Right from birth I formula fed him. Why? Because I chose to take my strong Bipolar medications which were not safe to be passed through my milk to him. I chose to do that because he was better off with formula than a mad mother.

All your talk of breastfeeding is a red herring. If you truly cared about your child you would be back on your meds, stopping the drugs and buying some Cow&Gate.

My boyfriend and I used to smoke a LOT (before having a baby) and it be fairly safe to say we were addicted, this was about 5 years ago. He was a bit worse than me, but we would come home from work and roll a joint.. chill out, chat, watch tv etc, maybe some friends would come over, maybe not.. then we'd maybe have another.. then after dinner we'd have another.. every day.

If we weren't working (ie at the weekend) we'd have far more. I started to want to give up because of the cost and the health implications, as did he, so we cut back to maybe having one a night between us. This worked for a bit and then we'd go back up if we were "stressed" from work or "couldn't sleep" or "felt a bit down" etc.. basically excuses to escape a bit and feel nice and fuzzy. He was always nagging at me to let him have a smoke and then offering it to me, basically, we made each other worse.

We eventually thought, right, this is ridiculous, we're approaching our late 20's and need to sort this out, so we went cold turkey.. we both had trouble sleeping for a bit, and terrible nightmares.. and a bit of anxiety.. but actually, after a few weeks we were both FINE..

I haven't smoked since before I got pregnant with my daughter (now 6 months) and then I started breastfeeding, and now I'm pregnant again.. so won't smoke for a good while! But before that, over the last 5 years since giving up the daily habit, we'd only smoke at a festival or something, ie once or twice a year and that's the way it will carry on.. because I don't want my kids thinking that that way of life is THE way of life, it's expensive and unhealthy both physically and mentally..

You won't be demonised by your doc if you ask them about help giving up.

The main hurdle you need to overcome is convincing your partner to also give up, because believe me, if he's not up for it'll be difficult.. but not impossible! Believe in yourself. If he doesn't want to hear it, try at first cutting back and then weaning yourself off it.. easy to say but as someone who's been there, it's doable, especially with the motivation of your baby to drive you on.

So not only are you and your partner drug addicts, your mother most likely is too. I'll take any odds you care to mention that your daughter will be in 15 years time too. Your mother, you, your daughter, and the cycle goes on. Well done, you're raising a drug addict. Be proud.

You are obviously articulate, educated etc, so all this vanity posting is getting you no where. Look in a mirror and make your decision. Don't bother us with it.

Your poor poor daughter. If I knew who you were I would call SS this afternoon and get her the help she is going to need growing up with a couple of drug addict parents at least one of whom is mentally ill. If you had any intention of giving up drugs you wouldn't be posting here, you are just looking for someone to justify your lifestyle so that you can feel a bit better about yourself and your choices. How you can allow your DD within 100ft of drugs and drug users is beyond me. Get a grip on yourself before you ruin your DD's childhood.

General comment: Why do women get pregnant but think it is fine to carry on smoking/drinking/taking drugs .... why the hell can't they get a life and be responsible rather than being so very selfish.

One of those things that really annoys me ....

And I am not talking about the odd glass of wine in case anyone is wondering ...

Your mum smoked thru all her pregnancies, you have mental health issues and you're asking if YABU???

Are you serious?

I notice your focus is all on yourself. I don't mean to sound harsh, but you need to start thinking about your DD.

Please go and buy some bottles and start formula feeding her today.

OP, the more you write, and your attitude shines through, it is quite clear from what you write that you are not capable of giving her the care she needs. Sorry. You need to help yourself and your baby. Speak to your GP and your health visitor. I am sure your baby will not be taken away from you if you take steps to get help for your family.

Guys, the OP's mental health issues are more likely the product of growing up with a regular drug user than being conceived by one and this is one thing that she can do something about for her own kid.