...to smoke cannabis while breastfeeding

[SemiCharmedWife]

I don't know where to begin.

Actually I do, I'm not a troll, I'm not a regular poster who has namechanged, I'm a lurker who reads the reviews and reads the forums when the baby is having a day of eating and I am stuck to the sofa. This is probably a one-shot username and as it is, I am a little worried someone will trace my IP because what I'm doing is illegal and probably a bit wrong, but I can't be bothered with the SWIM (Someone Who Isn't Me) games. Please be aware I am not taking this lightly, but I don't know who else to come clean to.

I realise by saying 'I'm not a troll', 95% of people will nod and think 'that's what a troll would say'.

I'm procrastinating.

I still smoke weed while breastfeeding DD (4 months) and I was still toking while pregnant. I found out I was pregnant when I was over 20 weeks gone last autumn - if it had been all nicely planned, I tell myself I would have given up. I had an easy pregnancy, a natural labour and DD was a week overdue and perfectly healthy. I am aware that I potentially have dodged a bullet and I would have been devastated if there had been something wrong with her. I think I'm an average mum. I love her (although it wasn't instant, she makes me melt now when she smiles and laughs), I am patient 97% of the time, most housework gets done and I take her out of the house every other day at least.

But I never managed to stop smoking cannabis.

I was going to stop at the new year, then I was going to stop when the baby was born, then I was only going to smoke when the baby was in bed and we tried... but right now, we're smoking as soon as DH gets in from work, then maybe after dinner then almost definitely before bed. One of us stays with DD and we take turns if she's being grumpy, otherwise we go outside and keep an eye on her if she's downstairs/take the monitor if she's in bed. I don't get so stoned that I couldn't react if there was an emergency, I just relax and chat with DH.

Are there any studies that say whether the downsides of smoking weed outweight the downsides of formula? I'm reluctant to give up breastfeeding because it's working for us and I wouldn't be able to pick it back up again, but I can't help but think I am drugging my DD sometimes. Are there actually plenty of mums who still smoke and it's a big, well-kept secret? Am I worrying too much and me and DH will grow out of it (I make us sound like teenagers, we're both mid-20s)? It has to be said that while I would quite like to stop sometimes, my DH will apply pressure to spend money on weed, is very pro-smoking and doesn't think I'm doing/have done anything wrong and even voiced the opinion that I had such an easy pregnancy because I was smoking (not in spite of!). What will the police/SS actually do if someone reports me? Do I deserve to have my baby taken away from me?

I don't know what I'm expecting by posting this, but I'm too scared to be honest with the Health Visitor or the Doctor and I'm even lying to most of my friends (who knew I smoked but presumed I gave up when I was pregnant/had DD). Maybe I need to have my arse kicked and my face rubbed into cold hard facts that prove what I am doing is DISGUSTING and WRONG. Maybe people will surprise me and admit a lot of parents (especially with littl'uns who don't understand) still smoke cannabis, my DH is right and I should just stop worrying. Maybe people will empathise and have ideas on how to say no while DH is outside the back door smoking.

And let the judging commence.

SCW you obviously have a problem and need to face up to it.
You need to speak to health professionals about getting help. If you are worried you can start by phoning a drug abuse helpline.
I think you should also consider giving up bf. I admit I know nothing about cannabis use and bf feeding but I can imagine that the dangers of cannabis smoking outweigh the benefits.
Good luck.

I agree with Gwen and Reality - it doesn't sound from your OP that you particularly WANT to stop smoking, more that you want reassurance about the things that are worrying you - the BFing, the SS/police issue etc.

Either your daughter is more important than weed or she isn't. If she is then you either stop under your own steam (if you are not addicted) or you seek outside help to do so. If she isn't, well then you won't stop and nothing anyone on MN says will make you stop.

You need to work out what your priorities are and act accordingly, not work out justifications and get-out clauses for your various concerns.

OP are you there? I'm beginning to think troll here...

@SemiCharmed - I can sypathise completely with you. DP and I used to regularly smoke weed right up until we realised I was pg, even then I szmoked for a couple of weeks while we decided what we were going to do about it.

I knocked it on the head, when we decided we were going to keep her, but it wasn't easy. DP smoked during most of my pg (always outside) and at times I really relly wanted one.

We used to smoke about 3-4 in an evening just to unwind after work and relax, our excuse was we don't drink, so what harm was it doing.

Since DD arrived DP has pretty much given up, maybe 1 a month once she's in bed, I had one once I finished BF'ing and I must admit I felt awful, that lovely chilled relaxed feeling was replaced by knowing that even though it was just a tiny one compared to what I used to smoke, l was in no way capable of looking after my DD.

You'll only give up when you're ready, but I really think you need to think about how you would feel if something did happen and you couldn't cope with it.

'Probably a bit wrong'? Smoking an illegal drug, passing that on to your 4-month baby, is 'probably a bit wrong???

If you were that concerned I'm sure you could Google 'weed and passing it to baby through breast milk' - but I'm sure you KNOW that bfing is REALLY not good for your baby - you are effectively drugging her every time you bf! The chemicals in formula are at least designed for babies whereas the chemicals in weed are not. Your baby would test positive for weed. Yuk. Poor baby.

You should stop NOW. And so should your H. He needs to grow up. Agree with lesley33 above, she gave you some good advice. I wouldn't let my DC go round to play with your kids, or go to your house, if you smoked weed. Nor will a lot of parents. And no, I don't know ANY other mums who smoke weed, never mind smoking while bfing! There is no secret club.

Contact a drugs helpline as other people have said. You KNOW what you need to do; just get motivated to do it.

What a horrible situation to put your baby in, I would assume that would count as a form of abuse subjecting your child (your BABY) to drug fumes, indirectly feeding her drugs (preferable to formula? Are you for real?) and bringing her up in a druggy household - don't kid yourself, that's what you're doing. Is this what you want for your child? You sound selfish, immature and deluded. AIBU? You need to ask?

I'm here, just not sure what to say. I can't justify myself and I'm worried about giving out too much information and which bits are relevant and not. Also, it was meant to be a one-shot thing to see what the reaction was in general and I can't spend too much time writing well-thought out replies because I've got a rather awake DD now. I don't want to seem like I'm making excuses when I have a sinking feeling that I am, well making excuses that will turn people off giving advice.

As a few people brought it up, I'm serious about the breastmilk with THC in versus formula because I was told that breastmilk was still best even when you were smoking nicotine (the benefits of BF outweight the negatives of the milk having nicotine in it). I don't know if the same is true of cannabis, so I figured I would ask.

It's weed, not hash or soapbar or black squidge or whatever else. I'm just trying to get proper opinions and figured I'd get more replies if I used proper terms.

I could come up with excuses but one of the reasons I didn't stop when pregnant was because I was already coming off anti-psychotics (quetiapine) and anti-depressants (fluoxetine) and I wanted to get over each bit one step at a time. I haven't started taking either of them again since DD was born. One way or another, she has a mother with mental health issues (that flared up when I gave up smoking cannabis - probably unrelated but I'm not sure if I still believe that weed helps).

I honestly don't know whether I want to stop or whether I want people to help me justify that it's all fine. We have actually done pretty well to cut down to this - a year ago, on a day off, we would both have been living a 'wake and bake' lifestyle.

I know people who have said they have smoked when responsible for small children, but I don't know that wide a cross-section of parents. Most of my friends are my old smoking buddies (maybe some people can relate, when you spend a lot of time stoned, you spend it in the company of other stoners because you're too boring for the general populace), especially the people who are friends with both me and DH. My BiL also crashes over quite a bit and he will always have some on him.

And I'm pretty sure that I can cope in an emergency because I've had to before. I have a high tolerance from smoking regularly for a long time and more than once I have had to be the one administering first aid or calling a paramedic on a night out or when I've had a friend decide to have breathing problems on our sofa (good night that one).

Apologies for length.

na, I reckon you're fine

WTF?

Do you have a sympathetic doctor?
It's obvious you have other issues, with anti-psychotics and AD's.
I think you might need professional medical help to do this

OP, doesn't weed CAUSE mental health sisues and psychosis, not HELP with them??

I don't think the whole in's and out of your life matter in this tbh. You need to stop doing it and thats its. If you want people to justify it then you'll have a long wait. You're a mother now, start acting like one and just stop smoking the bloody stuff. What about when your child is old enough to see what you're doing? Is that the sort of thing you want your child to see? Mummy is a stoner. Yes i'm being harsh, I grew up with an alcoholic in the family and it was not fun, I can assure you.

Well there's no denying your post is articulate. It does sound like you're wanting some level of justification but, clearly, I believe you are intelligent enough to know that wasn't going to happen. That leads me to believe that you DO want to give up. And give up you must.

Assume that the worst case scenario will happen. Damaging your child, possibly irreversably. SS involvement. Police involvement. Losing your child. Being arrested. Having a criminal record. Could you imagine all that? You have the OPTION to ensure all of that doesn't happen. You would be an utter fool to even take the risk. Of course, none of the above may happen but I think if you assume it will, there's your incentive. And you must get your partner on board. If he won't then get rid.

Very brave of you to post, you have a brain-use it wisely.

It did make sense tackling one thing at a time in terms of coming off drugs e.g. your anti depressants, anti psychotic medication. I hope you did that with the help of your GP/Dr.

If you do want to stop, phone New Leaf anonymously and ask if they also give help to people coming off cannabis - as I said in my area they do although they don't advertise this. They will also help you look at alternatives to smoking that will help you relax and unwind.

It may be that as smoking cigarettes whilst breast feeding is better than formula, that smoking weed whilst breast feeding is better than formula. But I think you need to talk to a specialist like FRANK to find this out.

i know a fair few mums who still smoke weed, some while bf. I dont personally think theres a huge lot wrong wih it. ideally youl be doing once the little ones in bed oustide in the garden.

but i am aware thats a minority view

Semicharmedwife - do you have a doctor, then? A sympathetic psychiatrist/CPN would be a really good place to start with this. I think if you are (or have been) on anti-psychotics you should really be cutting out the weed for your own sake, if not for your daughters.

I think you are crazy posting here! But my thoughts are

after smoking, make sure you have shower and brush teeth before seeing baby, and change clothes

smoke outside, obv

cant you try and cut down? 3 spliffs is quite alot , and wait at least 1 hour before BF

in all honestly, I personally think the risks are quite low. If you are waiting to BF a while after the joint and if you arer making efforts to change c,othes/shower before you go to baby. very little will pass through the milk, people will deny this, but its the case! FFS I was able to BG within 2 hours of having a general aneasthetic

my book said that even when smoking/drinking/taking drugs the benefits of BF still outweigh the disadvantages

I had the odd fag and wine when BF, with both kids.and the occaisonal puff

not saying its right, but people DO do it and take care that their kids are OK

but I am likely the only person saying this!!!!!!!

I would think cannabis/weed whatever, is present in breastmilk in the same way as as nicotine is, or harmful toxins from eating too much tuna or cod liver, for that matter, and is then digested by your baby and give the same effects as eating a piece of weed chocolate cake (these were quite popular when I was young ), would, for instance.

So I would think that although breastmilk "is best", possibly not for your baby. But I can see why you would have a dilemma taking proper advice from your health visitor.
It is possibly kinder to your baby to not expose him/her to milk last with drugs, and give formula instead.

OP, I partly understand where you are coming from. As former avid hash smokers, DH & I justified it to ourselves every day for 10 years by focussing on the positives and not the negatives of our habit. During this time, we both gained masters degrees and reasonably successful jobs so the impact on our lives wasn't really felt for a while (although we both gave up sport, put on weight, could've got much better degrees/jobs, and became far less sociable).

I am so thankful that I didn't fall pregnant during those times as I know that both of us would've found it very difficult to give it up and I may have been in the same situation as you.

We finally gave up after moving to a new country where we physically could not find any. I guess we were probably ready to give up because we didn't really look for it, but still. Neither of us has smoked for over 7 years now and our lives are so much richer for it.

You obviously have concerns and know that what you are doing is wrong. The unknown physical and mental effects on your child could live to haunt you for the rest of your life. Speak to your DH. Go to your GP. See a counsellor. Take it a day at a time, but please GIVE IT UP.

Hi, I have namechanged for this as I don't really want this to follow me around MN.
My DH and I smoked cannabis heavily for 8/9 years so I know what it's like for it to be a part of your everyday life and still be able to function normally while smoking-we both held down full time jobs, mortgage, holidays, basically a totally normal life while stoned constantly. None of our close family or workmates had any idea, it all went on behind closed doors.
We decided to give up a couple of years ago as it was starting to cost too much and we began to get worried about our long term health. We had a 2 week holiday booked and had our last joint the night before we left and just didn't smoke it again. Neither of us had withdrawal symptoms of any kind. I believe the addiction to cannabis is psychological. You think you need it to wind down or relax-you don't, it's just your brain telling you you do because you get a good feeling from it.
It was during this holiday DC was concieved so I never smoked cannabis while pregnant but I did continue to smoke cigarettes with no ill effects to my DC. I BF while smoking and it's true that the benefits of BF outweigh the negative aspect of nicotine in the milk (in any case, nicotine is not harmful in it's own right and very little passes into the milk)
While BF I did smoke cannabis again on 2 occasions but the guilt I felt was enough to stop me doing it again. Also, after not smoking it for 2 years, I found I did not like the feeling it gave me.
There is no proven link between using cannabis while BF and any deterimental effects on a baby but cannabis CAN be detected in the babys urine for up to 3 weeks after BF from the mother so I feel that proves cannabis is going into babys bloodstream and the long term effect is unknown.
I don't believe that every cannabis user ends up with mental health problems but it's Russian roulette whether it could happen to you or your baby or not so why take the risk?
There's also the point others have made about when your child grows up a bit and becomes aware of what you are doing or a nosey toddler finding your stash and eating some.
If you really want to stop (which I think you do or you wouldn't have posted here) then you have to be really strong and just say no when your partner tries to get you to smoke. Just have a normal cigarette instead of a joint or do something else entirely until he is finished.
Sorry this is so long, I just wanted you to know you CAN stop smoking it if you choose to and you're not the only one who smoked cannabis while BF or smoked while pregnant.