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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just found my husband with someone else.

748 replies

morewinevicar · 06/06/2011 23:08

I walked straight out, but have nowhere to go. No stuff. My little boy is asleep in the house. I was away on a course but couldn't stand to stay at the rubbish travel lodge for the night so drove for hours and just got home. Andmy husband was on the sofa with a woman. Very blonde but didn't see much else and they were drinking and looked like they'd just jumped apart when they heard the door. I'm shaking. I don't know where to go. My son is in the house. How could he?????

OP posts:
Emski76 · 07/06/2011 08:04

I am amazed at how brave and strong you have berm. I hope you had a good chat and hugs with your friend. Please keep us updated, I can't imagine what you are going through.

HowlingBitch · 07/06/2011 08:07

Hope you got some sleep. Just think of it as your intuition made you drive home that night and now you have found out what a (sorry) scumbag he is you can rid yourself of him. Any man who would do that with his own son in the house is no man at all.

You and your son deserve better.

FourArms · 07/06/2011 08:13

I hope you managed to get some sleep eventually. A very similar thing happened to my MIL a few years ago. :( Best wishes

Animation · 07/06/2011 08:23

I hope you find out who this woman is and go scrag her! (after you've scragged him) ...coming into your house like that ...who does she think she is. Don't be afraid to make a lot of noise and cause merry hell fire.

Tobermory · 07/06/2011 08:23

Morewinevicar hope you managed to sleep last night.
I expect you are up now with your DS.

How are you feeling?

statueofliberty · 07/06/2011 08:28

Thinking of you so much,be proud of how well you've done.

ExitPursuedByAKitten · 07/06/2011 08:34

Hope you got some sleep. Thinking of you this morning.

ElizabethDarcy · 07/06/2011 08:35

I have messaged you, live 10 mins from you. You are welcome to come to me (you and your son) if need be. HUGE hug x

OnlyWantsOne · 07/06/2011 08:39

what an utter bastard

you've behaved very respectfully, and should be very proud of how dignified you are.

Concentrate on keeping yourself together and loving your little boy -

I'd tell your ex to stay away and go fuck him self... tell your close friends, keep them around you - you will need them xxxx

Mishy1234 · 07/06/2011 08:40

I'm sorry this has happened and think you're doing brilliantly. I hope you managed to get some rest and will be thinking of you.

AfternoonsandCoffeespoons · 07/06/2011 08:45

Just read this and wanting to add my support. You have behaved admirably and you should hold on that. I really hope you managed to get at least some sleep last night. ((Hug))

TheLadyEvenstar · 07/06/2011 08:45

OP At the moment things are going to be very raw. The best thing to do is function as normally as possible for the sake of your DS. Take him to school or get someone else to do it for you. While he is gone pack your H a bag of clothes and leave it outside for him or deliver it to his work.

Then go home and make yourself a nice strong sweet tea.

I hope you are ok this morning, well as ok as can be.

((((((((hugs)))))))

DirtyMartini · 07/06/2011 08:47

Vicar, I cannot imagine how you must feel. Gives me a heavy feeling in my heart just to try; your H has behaved abominably.

Love to you and your ds.

Stangirl · 07/06/2011 08:52

OP You have been brilliant. The same thing happened to me a few years back - the OW was a friend of mine and I was recovering from a particularly horrible miscarriage (hospitalized 3 times). I took DP back but I will never forgive him.

lemonandhoney · 07/06/2011 08:54

Wanker. I'm so sorry, and really hope you got some sleep. Take it easy today, try and eat something and get some fresh air. You're in shock, it will take a while for this to sink in...but I promise you will be rightly proud of yourself in a few months, whatever happens. You've been very dignified and cool.

Original poster
morewinevicar · 07/06/2011 08:55

Thank you so much everyone, I'm amazed at the support I've received, I'm so glad I posted. Especially the people who offered to come to me or have me come to them, it's the nicest thing I've ever seen.

Sorry I didn't come back online last night, my friend arrived and stayed up talking to me until I was tired enough to sleep. Now she's not only taken DS to school, she's got rid of all last nights evidence like it never happened.

It feels so strange. Such a short time ago I was rushing home, hoping it wouldn't rain today so we could do something together, and now here I am alone in my house. I can't eat but am having lots of well recommended tea.

What's the next step? DH (the utter bastard!!!!!!!!!) hasn't tried to contact me, I don't even know where he went last night. (although I'm thinking the worst)

DS was very happy to see me this morning, and thankfully, didn't ask where his dad was.

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 07/06/2011 08:56

that's a relief that ds didn't ask about his dad.

captainbarnacle · 07/06/2011 08:57

You must have a million questions going through your head :( Really really feel for you x

FlubbaBubba · 07/06/2011 08:59

OP you're sounding so strong. Thank goodness for your wonderful friend.

What a twat your DH is - can't believe he hasn't called you to apologise profusely. I mean, WTF is he thinking right now?? So :( and Angry on your behalf.

OnlyWantsOne · 07/06/2011 09:00

how are you feeling?

I imagine there is an element of feeling very numb - but have you considored making some practical preperations

TheLadyEvenstar · 07/06/2011 09:01

Vicar the next step IMO is to start moving his stuff out, You need to build a life for you and DS. I would not be talking to him until you are feeling stronger.

When I walked into my home and found my sons father in bed with my friend I didn't throw him out immediatly -I wish now I had! But the day I eventually did I redecorated the bathroom then my bedroom. I made it mine and DS1's home from that day onwards and emptied as much of ex's belongings out as possible.

Keep your chin up and know we are all here for you.

honeybee007 · 07/06/2011 09:02

I couldn't be as dignified as you have been and would already be cutting his clothes up especially as he hasn't even had the decency to even try to contact you!

Glad you have support in rl from a very good sounding friend. Take time to think about what you want to happen but don't make long term decisions while you're still in shock. If feasible take the rest of the week off work.big hugs x

Portofino · 07/06/2011 09:03

God - what a twunt! You must be devastated and in total shock. (((hugs)))

aurynne · 07/06/2011 09:03

He is probably (and hopefully) deeply ashamed of himself and does not dare to call. Alternatively, he may be waiting for you to contact him to retain some semblance of control of the situation. Whatever happens, vicar, please don't contact him. He has to do that himself.

I recommend you to go to the hairdresser, wear your most amazing dress and go out with some friends, or with your DS... to have a drink, to play in the park, to see some friends... Whatever you can think of, except staying home on your own. Keep active and don't give yourself time to think too much. You have done nothing wrong and there is no reason why you should be tormenting yourself... leave that to him. Eventually he WILL contact you, and from his reaction you will guess what the next step it. Until then, take care of yourself, and keep a friend just a phonecall away.

More hugs and cuddles to you from the land of the Kiwi.

fuzzpigFriday · 07/06/2011 09:04

How awful Angry

I am amazed how well you handled this. You should be very proud, you won't feel it now but you are really strong.

Thank goodness you didn't phone or text him to say you were coming home. At least you've found out now.