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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just found my husband with someone else.

748 replies

morewinevicar · 06/06/2011 23:08

I walked straight out, but have nowhere to go. No stuff. My little boy is asleep in the house. I was away on a course but couldn't stand to stay at the rubbish travel lodge for the night so drove for hours and just got home. Andmy husband was on the sofa with a woman. Very blonde but didn't see much else and they were drinking and looked like they'd just jumped apart when they heard the door. I'm shaking. I don't know where to go. My son is in the house. How could he?????

OP posts:
MarathonMama · 08/06/2011 09:29

Morewine can't say anything more than has already been said but just adding my support to the list. I'm vibing strong energy and thinking of you.

squeezemebakingpowder · 08/06/2011 09:30

Not been on mn long, but just wanted to add my support. Stay strong and dignified if you can! If not, well you're only human, no one would blame you for losing it!
Your H is an idiot of the highest order and will/has hopefully realised this! Can't believe his text, but as others have said maybe he just feels so guilty he can't think how else to communicate!

I know it's not very mn (even for a newbie) but hugs
x

TheSmallPrint · 08/06/2011 09:38

Just checking in to see that you're OK after last night's visit vicar. Hope that you managed to get some sense out of him.

ReindeerBollocks · 08/06/2011 09:55

Only just seen this thread, please take care of yourself Vicar. You and your son are of sole importance at the moment.

I agree that you may need time to make firm decisions about what happens in the future.

Thinking of you.

pyjamababe · 08/06/2011 10:01

Just adding my support morewine, I am thinking of you, stay strong and be as calm as you can, you don't have to make any decisions until you feel ready. Take your time and look after yourself and your ds

X

bellatrixrocks · 08/06/2011 10:14

Hope you're ok this morning morewine
thinking of you and your ds

x

aurynne · 08/06/2011 10:14

While we all keep our eyes on this thread and wish for morewine's wellbeing, I would like to take the chance to say that this is one of the threads that makes me proud of MN: everyone teaming together to help a woman who could be any of us at any given time. As it should be.

Bettyblackeye · 08/06/2011 10:16

Sending you lots of love. What an absolute arse hole he is. Xx

woopsidaisy · 08/06/2011 10:32

What a horribly selfish and heartless man.
I suspect a day will come when you realise that you are so much better off without this man. But it must be so painful to have your world turned upside down,by the one person who was supposed to be your best friend.
I will be thinking about you,and send you a big hug!
Your friend sounds brilliant! Let her help you,I would want to do everything I could for my BF if-god forbid-she found herself in this situation.

passiveaggresive · 08/06/2011 10:34

Just another voice of support - you deserve better than this, what an awful thing - at least i suppose he has been exposed for the cunt that he is and you dont have to waste anymore love on him. Fucking pig

MetalSian · 08/06/2011 10:44

I hope everything is better for you today.
Really feeling for you.
Giant virtual hug
I hope things get better soon.

Just think of your son to keep you strong.

CoffeeIsMyFriend · 08/06/2011 10:48

just checking in this morning to see how you are today?

hope last night wasnt too horrific for you.

massive hug x

Geordieminx · 08/06/2011 10:51

Thinking of you this morning.

Kas26 · 08/06/2011 10:56

Bigtime lurker here but have been lurking on this thread from the start and I just wanted to add my support and best wishes to you, Morewine.

I was recently in a similiar situation and the best pieces of advice I received was take each day at a time, don't deny your feelings and let yourself be surprised with how strong you are. People bandy about a lot of words at times like these, but one might strike a chord with you and help you through this horrible, horrible time.

Hugs to you and your boy x

SexyDragonStarlet · 08/06/2011 11:01

Just come across this thread this am and just wanted to offer my support. i know what you are going through as I found out my exh was having an affair with my best friend about a year ago. Focus on you and your ds and don't make any hasty decisions either way. I made that mistake and paid for it. This is possibly the worst you will ever feel in your life (I know it was for me) but eventually you start to heal. I hope you are ok and please feel free to message me if you need any advice on any practicalities.
You are a strong, dignified, amazing Mum who does not deserve this in the slightest.
x

backwardpossom · 08/06/2011 11:03

Hope you're ok this morning.

Liz79 · 08/06/2011 11:45

Worrying about you today morewinevicar, hope things are ok-ish

suwoo · 08/06/2011 11:56

Been thinking about you x

QuintessentialOldMoo · 08/06/2011 11:56

There is always the chance that morewinevicar and her husband had a long chat last evening and have decided to try rebuild their relationship, and that the op for that reason is choosing to stay away from this thread, on the assumption that we will not be supportive, but meet her with a chorus of "how could you".

But of course that is not going to happen. Mumsnetters are known for being supportive and for listening, not just man bashing.

My thoughts go out to you, morewinevicar, and hope you manage to find a way through this.

passiveaggresive · 08/06/2011 12:01

I echo that quintessentialoldmoo - the DH has behaved APPALINGLY but this is the nuclear fall out stage, at some point they will have to talk, and yes as i was reading through the thread i was thinking that i would have been going out of my mind not knowing where my DP is, even if he had done something as cuntish as that, because you dont switch off love for someone in an instant - I am not sure i could rebuild my relationship but my gut feeling is that i wouldnt want to be without my DP, which is easy for me to say having not been in this position, but we just have to be here and listen and offer support and lots of lovely ladies have been through similar can offer practical advice too.

Definately have to be lead by OP, because if she decides on the second chance route (unlikely as that may be) she will not want to do battle with the "leave the bastard" brigade when she needs support. Of course, if she does decide to leave the bastard, because that is, after all what he is, then we should offer similar support and help her get over the twunt.

Tobermory · 08/06/2011 12:04

aurynne, I couldn't agree with you more.

Quintessential, I almost hope youre right.

Hope youre OK. MWV

MackerelOfFact · 08/06/2011 12:17

Thinking of you, OP. Hoping it was all one big misunderstanding and the woman was a long-lost sister, or a party planner for an amazing suprise party he is throwing you or something.

But if it's not, well, just .

vmcd28 · 08/06/2011 12:19

just a quick point re the dh's text.
Imagine it was you who had behaved like this. Your dh/dp told you to leave. You have no idea if your dh/dp is going to tell you to eff off, or if he's going to ask for an explanation with a chance to sort it out.
I dont think I'd be sending a begging/emotional text either, tbh. I'd keep my distance from dh til I was told by him that I was allowed to do otherwise.

Fwiw, I dont think his text was "cold" at all - I think he has his tail firmly between his legs, he is embarrassed and doesnt know what to say, or indeed thinks if saying anything will start the fight he is wanting to avoid.

ChopMonster · 08/06/2011 12:21

Just wanted to offer my support. I can't imagine how you must be feeling but you sound very strong and dignified. Support will always be here whatever you decide to do.

LouMacca · 08/06/2011 12:25

Just come back to say I am thinking of you OP x

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