To be really p***ed off that this is held over my head every time we argue??

[ViVee]

(name changed)

Apparantly, according to 'D'H on our wedding night 3 years ago I said:

'I want a divorce'

DH's hearing isn't the best, I was a very wee bit drunk - doesn't happen often, but I had just got married - which I have explained to him.

It's much more likely that I said:

'I want to buy a horse' (which I do)

Anyway, everytime we argue he throws it at me, he accuses me of arguing because I want a divorce. I have explained I can't remember saying it (if I did) & have apologised. But am now getting really p'ed off with it.

Would appreciate witty comebacks please. I did have one - relating to what he had said once, but he got completely ott angry.

Tbh I'd ignore, I have a similar issue with dp and no answer, retaliation helps, now I give the same approach I do the dcs, carry on as if it wasn't said, rise above!

Your DH sounds like a bit of an odd fish ViVee. Why is he harping on about something so silly? And what do you mean by "ott angry"? Does he get aggressive?

Leave the Bastard! That'll prove him wrong.

Oh no, wait......

I don't have a witty comeback cause I find that really strange behaviour and would be gobsmacked if someone did that to me.

I guess ignoring is the best way to deal with it.

What was it you said that made him angry?

Does he do this all the time when you argue, or only when he's losing the argument? Sounds like he's deliberately deflecting attention away from the actual issue onto your behaviour. Bit juvenile and would piss me off too. Just tell him that, no, you didn't and don't want a divorce (and are fed up of being accused of the same) but you do want to sort out [whatever issue it is that you're arguing about].

Ask him if he needs a psychiatrist along with an audiologist?

I don't think I'd bother about witty comebacks, just develop a stock line; "that is not the issue at hand. I'm still angry about Actual Thing We're Arguing About". And carry on from there.

It sounds like an utter dick move on his part, and calculated to divert you from the actual conversation. Do your arguments have a theme? I mean, is there one or two issues that get brought up a lot, or does he do this every time there's a tiny squabble?

Throw it back at him. Does he bring up this non issue because he wants a divorce? And if he says, "that's not what I said/meant" then you say "now you know how I feel. Shall we drop it; it's getting tedious. BTW, IF I had thought that THREE YEARS AGO, don't you think I might have done it by now?"

The ott angry thing was re something he had said during sex - he referred to me as being a ... boy . My hearing is perfectly ok.

So I said everyime he behaves in an effeminate way, should I assume that he is gay??? I wasn't being serious, just trying to prove a point. Cue accusations of me being unhinged.

Oh God, I can't decide whether you're serious or not. How on earth do you keep a straight face during arguments?!

'I want a horse/I want a divorce', audiologists, homoerotic fantasies...I'd be falling about at the metal images every time he got cross and I knew what was coming

Not helpiing much though, am I .

He was angry during sex and called you names?? Is this normal for your relationship?

Also, challenge his logic that all arguments lead to divorce. [ again]

He doesn't sound like the nicest man in the world, OP, is this just a tiny quirk in an otherwise lovely guy?

Not a tiny quirk.

Do you want to talk about the rest of it?

He sounds a bit odd, if you don't mind me saying so.

How is your relationship otherwise?

Get your horse VIVee.

next time he says it start neighing and galloping about.

Dump him and buy a much-longed-for horse, he can find himself a much-longed-for male lover, everyone's a winner. And he can feel smug that he was right all along.

I only brought up the 'boy' thing to show how silly the whole thing was. Didn't realise he would take it so seriously, he even phoned my mum , who he doesn't get on with to tell her that I'd accused him of being a homosexual!!!

And now my mum is a bit , 'Told you so, I always thought he was a bit camp'

(I don't look like a boy BTW)

He called you a boy during sex - that sounds a bit weird. . . .

Don't be distracted by the "I want a divorce" comment. Just keep it in the moment.