To be really p***ed off that this is held over my head every time we argue??

[ViVee]

(name changed)

Apparantly, according to 'D'H on our wedding night 3 years ago I said:

'I want a divorce'

DH's hearing isn't the best, I was a very wee bit drunk - doesn't happen often, but I had just got married - which I have explained to him.

It's much more likely that I said:

'I want to buy a horse' (which I do)

Anyway, everytime we argue he throws it at me, he accuses me of arguing because I want a divorce. I have explained I can't remember saying it (if I did) & have apologised. But am now getting really p'ed off with it.

Would appreciate witty comebacks please. I did have one - relating to what he had said once, but he got completely ott angry.

[LiverpoolLeap]

Rather than random bizarre examples of your DH's behaviour - and it's entertainingly bizarre - what do you reckon is the problem in your relationship? Because you've got problems.

I can't believe he called your Mum to tell her about what he said to you during sex. How old are you people??

[MatureUniStudent]

Are you sure he isn't actually deaf in one ear? That he perhaps has a problem like dyslexia which screws up how you process what you hear or understand? That it confuses him and he becomes aggressive or clingy to hide what he dosen't comprehend? Get his ears properly tested and his audiology processing ie what he hears may not reach his brain in the correct manner.

If it isn't any of those, then go with the MNetter's diagnosis.

[manticlimactic]

Tell him you said I wish you were hung like a horse.

Sound a right prick bringing it up every time you argue. I thought it was the old chestnut that only women did that!

[ChaoticAngelbitchfromhell]

OP the more I read the more I think you didn't actually say what he said you said but made that up to get the upper hand in arguments. I think those posters who are mentioning gaslighting have a very good point.

[portaloo]

How do you usually react when he accuses you of having said you want a divorce?

[ViVee]

Thanks madonna & totally - I see the connection with gaslighting now.

I was so at the time, hence the 'horse' comment.

[TotallyLovely]

I'm assuming if was afterwards.

[cjbartlett]

He called your mum during sex?

[BornInAfrica]

In fact ffs. Not in face.

[BornInAfrica]

Is it at all possible that your DH might, in face, be just the teensiest bit gay??

[discobeaver]

"start neighing and galloping about"
aliceliddel that made me choke on my Polar mint choc bar!

[TotallyLovely]

It does sound like he's just fucking with your head! As if anyone would come out with "I want a divorce" on their wedding day! Just out of nowhere! Mental.

[MmeLindor.]

Um, this keeps getting worse.

What do you mean awful sex? Was it against your will?

[TotallyLovely]

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented to the victim with the intent of making them doubt their own memory and perception. It may simply be the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, or it could be the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim

Just looked that up . . . that's my ex! I didn't know it had a name!

It all sounds very strange OP. Is he actually deaf or slight deafness in one ear? Does he lip read? I ask because the words yes and no make completely different shapes of the mouth and would not look the same.

In what way was the sex awful? Would he ask if you like what he's doing and you say no but he carries on because he thinks you mean yes? And what man in their right man would think that no is code for yes? Or would accept that if told so by his wife? He would say WFT?!

[duckdodgers]

ObiWan - you may have thought you are not helping but you made me

[Mabelface]

I'd just say something along the lines of "don't be a knob".

[justGetEmOut]

So, you married him...all was well, a year down the line you had a row and he said 'yeah, well, on our wedding night you said you wanted a divorce' and you said 'no, I want a horse', and then, you had months of awful sex which he justified by saying 'you said when I say no I mean yes', and then he called you a lovely boy during sex. Have I got that right? .

I don't think a witty comeback is going to sort this out.

[ooohyouareawfulbutilikeyou]

im beginning to think this is a bit iffy .....

[Olifin]

"I once said when I say no, I mean no. After months of awful sex he said - YOU said 'when I say no - I mean YES'."

Are you saying that he has made you have sex against your will?

[schobe]

Totally agree with gaslighting.

[annababy]

It sounds like he is using the whole divorce/horse conversation as an excuse.
What straight man would say his wife was a lovely boy during sex?
Probably one of the more bizarre threads I have read,can't even believe I wrote 'divorce/horse conversation'

[madonnawhore]

WTF? OP have you ever googled the phrase 'gaslighting'?

This all sounds incredibly strange and not normal at all.

[KatieMiddleton]

Arf at ear trumpet.

[ViVee]

no, not a wind up, just my life & trying to get another perspective.

[BatFlattery]

ViVee, sorry, but your DH sounds ever so slightly odd IMO.

And also sorry again, but the whole horse/divorce saga is very very amusing. It all sounds a bit of a farce. Maybe you could get him a hearing trumpet? Or make him repeat back to you whatever you've just said to check for inaccuracies?

Demand he gets you a horse to make up for it