To be really p***ed off that this is held over my head every time we argue??

[ViVee]

(name changed)

Apparantly, according to 'D'H on our wedding night 3 years ago I said:

'I want a divorce'

DH's hearing isn't the best, I was a very wee bit drunk - doesn't happen often, but I had just got married - which I have explained to him.

It's much more likely that I said:

'I want to buy a horse' (which I do)

Anyway, everytime we argue he throws it at me, he accuses me of arguing because I want a divorce. I have explained I can't remember saying it (if I did) & have apologised. But am now getting really p'ed off with it.

Would appreciate witty comebacks please. I did have one - relating to what he had said once, but he got completely ott angry.

He sounds a bit 'odd' tbh, what an odd thing to mishear and keep bringing up

Why did he call you a 'boy' during sex

He phoned your Mum, who he doesn't like, to tell her? What? Did he think she'd dock your pocket money for being such a naughty girl?

The more you say, the odder he sounds, ViVee.

This is a vey strange thread.
WIBU to ask if you ever bought a horse?

Hang on. Why exactly would the phrase 'I want to buy a horse' have escaped your lips on your wedding night? Was it in response to what was, erm, on offer?

People say funny things on their wedding night.
I remember remarking that the prawns might have been a bit off...
Absolutely no reflection on my DH. Not at all.

This is all very weird. You wouldn't have suddenly in the middle of a conversation (not about divorce or your relationship) said "I want a divorce". It doesn't make sense. All I can think is that he is attention seeking. He is using this to make you feel bad and to try to win arguments, not good.

In what context did he call you a boy?

Totally - no, I wouldn't have said 'I want a divorce'. 'D'H brought it up over a year after we got married, saying how insecure he was in our relationship because of my comment. I have absolutely NO recollection of saying anything of the sort, hence me saying - are you sure I didn't say 'I want to buy a horse'.
He called be a boy during sex, as in 'You are a beautiful boy'. I know it all seems very odd (& embarrassing).

There have been other times when he has 'misheard' me - I once said when I say no, I mean no. After months of awful sex he said - YOU said 'when I say no - I mean YES'.

It's not a thread.

WTF?

Erm....is there anything you like about this relationship?

This whole thread makes no sense. For once I have no advice to give. I think it's all a strange wind-up

ViVee, sorry, but your DH sounds ever so slightly odd IMO.

And also sorry again, but the whole horse/divorce saga is very very amusing. It all sounds a bit of a farce. Maybe you could get him a hearing trumpet? Or make him repeat back to you whatever you've just said to check for inaccuracies?

Demand he gets you a horse to make up for it

no, not a wind up, just my life & trying to get another perspective.

Arf at ear trumpet.

WTF? OP have you ever googled the phrase 'gaslighting'?

This all sounds incredibly strange and not normal at all.

It sounds like he is using the whole divorce/horse conversation as an excuse.
What straight man would say his wife was a lovely boy during sex?
Probably one of the more bizarre threads I have read,can't even believe I wrote 'divorce/horse conversation'

Totally agree with gaslighting.

"I once said when I say no, I mean no. After months of awful sex he said - YOU said 'when I say no - I mean YES'."

Are you saying that he has made you have sex against your will?

im beginning to think this is a bit iffy .....

So, you married him...all was well, a year down the line you had a row and he said 'yeah, well, on our wedding night you said you wanted a divorce' and you said 'no, I want a horse', and then, you had months of awful sex which he justified by saying 'you said when I say no I mean yes', and then he called you a lovely boy during sex. Have I got that right? .

I don't think a witty comeback is going to sort this out.

I'd just say something along the lines of "don't be a knob".

ObiWan - you may have thought you are not helping but you made me

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented to the victim with the intent of making them doubt their own memory and perception. It may simply be the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, or it could be the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim

Just looked that up . . . that's my ex! I didn't know it had a name!

It all sounds very strange OP. Is he actually deaf or slight deafness in one ear? Does he lip read? I ask because the words yes and no make completely different shapes of the mouth and would not look the same.

In what way was the sex awful? Would he ask if you like what he's doing and you say no but he carries on because he thinks you mean yes? And what man in their right man would think that no is code for yes? Or would accept that if told so by his wife? He would say WFT?!

Um, this keeps getting worse.

What do you mean awful sex? Was it against your will?

It does sound like he's just fucking with your head! As if anyone would come out with "I want a divorce" on their wedding day! Just out of nowhere! Mental.

"start neighing and galloping about"
aliceliddel that made me choke on my Polar mint choc bar!

Is it at all possible that your DH might, in face, be just the teensiest bit gay??