I'm in love with DH's best friend.

[Feronia]

DH and I have been married for six years, together for ten. We have a one year old daughter and a very comfortable life.

Ten months ago DH's best friend from school and uni came to stay with us for a few weeks while the sale of his house went through. (had sold his Scottish house and moving to London.) it was the start of loads of arguments for DH and I because I wasn't happy about having a virtual stranger (to me) in the house when I had a new baby.

It was awkward at first, with breastfeeding, looking a state etc, but with DH at work, it became really lovely to have X around. I found myself making sure I put make up on and tried to dress up. X would come with me to baby clinic, for walks in the park, shopping.

He ended up staying about 9 weeks. When he moved out I felt such a sense of loss, it was like someone had died. I'd cry all the time and just be awful to DH, and I'm sure my family think I had some sort of late postnatal depression.

After three weeks of not seeing him I texted him and suggested a coffee, joking my DD was missing him. He seemed to jump at the chance and we met that day. And many days since. I can't get enough of him and I think he feels the same. When my DH was away for a night last week, X came over in the evening and after some wine he kissed me and I've never been so happy. He wanted to stay but I made him leave. Which I sort of regret.

Im completely in love with him. If I don't see him for a day it's like my heart will break.

I don't know what to do.

Cut all contact with X. And tell him not come round anymore. Tell him he must come up with an excuse about why he can't come around. It's better for DH to not see his (so-called) best mate than lose his wife and little baby.

If you leave DH for X you will regret it. In time you will wonder what you ever saw in this snake. It is fantasy born of vulnerability and a huge shift in your life.

Okay. DH should be back in about 2 hours. I'll speak to him.

You're right. I need to think of my daughter.

When I look at her and it's just us I feel such resolve. But when I see X it dissapears.

Maybe I should go back to work.

greek tragedy me arse. Its just a situation that you can still get out of and deep down you know it. You've built it up in your head too much. i sympathise because I once felt the way you describe but then i was 16 not 30! i bet X wouldn't be so keen if he really knew the full extent of your infatuation.

So magazinefiend - you think I'm infatuated with him but he doesn't feel the same way?

Why would he spend all this time with me? Why would he bother with baby clinic? Why would he bother with my daughter? If he just wants a shag there are easier ways than trying for 10 months with your best friends wife?

OP then stop seeing X. Problem solved. You're not a child, you're an adult, and the responsibility of your child growing up in a happy household with both her parents lies in your hands.

I think this guy is really playing you actually.

Invading your home so soon after having a child, your personal space, precious bonding time with your child. My first instinct after Reading your story is that he has taken advantage of your vulnerable emotional state. He has kept himself busy playing dad to your dd. Wrong wrong!

He will break your heart wide open and you will be left with a broken marriage and your dd suffers through nonfault of her own.

Is it worth it?

Who says he isnt shagging other people already and you are just another notch. Maybe he has a track record for screwing his mates wives.

If he just wants a shag there are easier ways than trying for 10 months with your best friends wife?

Don't kid yourself that he's been celibate for the past 10 months.

ITA with snickers

My story: I ended what had become a slightly difficult relationship with my exP when I found out a guy I had a secret crush on liked me back. Basically though, it never really happened with this guy and the furthest it went was a drunken kiss, but I had pinned all my hopes on him and focussed all my energy on him as I think deep down I was missing my ex. It finally dawned on me that I was actually still deeply in love with my ex, but by this time he had moved on and found someone else. I realise now he was the love of my life - I still think about him every day even though we broke up 2 years ago and I have since had a baby with someone else. I wish I had just done more to work it out when we had problems.

Moral of the story: don't fall in love with a fantasy. I thought at the time that I really wanted this guy and not my ex - but I was very wrong and I burned all my bridges. Of course it's your life - but do you really know what life will be like with this guy? You have spent 6, presumably happy, years with your dh. You must have something going for you? Concentrate your energies on making your marriage work. I believe that your crush on x will pass, and then you will be glad you saved your marriage.

Reading between the lines, it doesn't sound as if money is a problem. If that is true, it can offer you alot of freedom.

What hobbies did you have before dd? Did you and dh enjoy doing any activities together? Can you get a babysitter (not X!!), and go out with your dh to do something fun and/or interesting (takes the pressure off a date night where focus is mostly on conversation).

When did you last have a good haircut or pedicure? Those little things can make a difference in how you feel about yourself.

Start to make a schedule for yourself and dd, and get active - long days stretching out endlessly with no planned activities are very hard. I used to feel much better if I got out of the house early with dd and then came back for her nap and lunch.

Make plans. Walk around with the pushchair, and explore even if you do it alone. If you worked previously, you can go to parks (you may start to see some of the same people), have picnics, go to exhibitions and galleries. Summer is the perfect time to be outside. Go with dd to meet your dh for lunch and/or afternoon coffee in a cafe.

Get out there. Don't sit home stewing and ruminating. Make plans.

Whoatemysnickers - I know he hasn't been celibate. For three ish months he was seeing a mutual friend, but would tell me all the time that he wished for DH's life and why was I taken. (in a jokey way obviously.)

While he was staying with us he brought women back on 2 occasions I know of.

He's a very charming man - I'm not so naive as to think that he's been waiting for me.

This guy is shit! He is willing to betray his "friend" (cos he is not a friend if he is seducing the wife), break up a family, all probably cos he is in an insecure place in his own life. (selling house and moving).

Are you ready to be a single mum with your baby?

Don't give up a good thing you have with your own family. Ban this guy out of your life and out of your mind!

If you run with this, you will probably find he is using other people (women) like this too....

Heard of the expression "toxic" friends? He is one. Run and don't look back!

Don't mean to sound harsh, but what makes you think you are so different to these other women? he sounds quite fickle and non-commital, so if you left your dp there is no guarantee you will end up in a long-term relationship with him.

Earlybird, thanks. I will. I've just googled and made an enquiry for something called baby dolphins and mini Mozart.

And I'm going to speak to DH when he gets in if he's not too wasted...

X may have been trying for 10 months...

your husband has been there for 10 years.

You have allowed yourself to get embroiled in a fantasy.
Has X told you he loves you and wants to be with you and set up a home with you and your husbands baby. Has he told you he is ready to destroy his best friends marriage. Has he told you ANYTHING .
Or has he just kissed you and you have built a future on a kiss and a lonely whim

When did the best friend last have a long-term relationship? How long did it last, and why did it break up?

Walk away. If I'm never trusted on another post on here, trust me on this one.

but would tell me all the time that he wished for DH's life and why was I taken. (in a jokey way obviously.)

No, he isnt joking, he will happily split up your marriage and then move onto his next goal, which wont include you.

He sees you as a challenge, if you really meant anything to him, he wouldnt be seeing anyone else... and by screwing a friend of yours, he is just showing what a tosser he is..

You cant see it, you are infatuated with this sleazeball.

No comment

For gods sakes dont try to talk to your husband tonight. He will be pissed, you are quite obviously not thinking straight. Tomorrow will be a much better idea for a rational conversation.

Fit2drop - he has told me he had feelings for me, but hasn't said love.
And he has made comments that lead me to believe he would like a future with me, and he absolutely adores my DD. And (I don't like it but) he's constantly talking about how he's there for my DD and DH isn't.

Earlybird - it ended about three months ago, it was short term. It just sort of fizzled out. She is a friend of DH and I, I used to work with her.

Have you found out why, what and who he is leaving Scotland and moving to London for?

Could give you a few clues....

By the sounds of it he's got the patter down to a fine art. I almost wish you hadn't sent him home that night, because he'd be bored by now and moving onto his next conquest and you'd be berating yourself for being so fucking stupid and hoping that your DH never finds out, rather than being wrapped up in some schoolgirl fantasy of happy ever after.

Please don't throw your marriage away because of this man.