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Original poster

I'm in love with DH's best friend.

634 replies

Feronia · 04/06/2011 20:54

DH and I have been married for six years, together for ten. We have a one year old daughter and a very comfortable life.

Ten months ago DH's best friend from school and uni came to stay with us for a few weeks while the sale of his house went through. (had sold his Scottish house and moving to London.) it was the start of loads of arguments for DH and I because I wasn't happy about having a virtual stranger (to me) in the house when I had a new baby.

It was awkward at first, with breastfeeding, looking a state etc, but with DH at work, it became really lovely to have X around. I found myself making sure I put make up on and tried to dress up. X would come with me to baby clinic, for walks in the park, shopping.

He ended up staying about 9 weeks. When he moved out I felt such a sense of loss, it was like someone had died. I'd cry all the time and just be awful to DH, and I'm sure my family think I had some sort of late postnatal depression.

After three weeks of not seeing him I texted him and suggested a coffee, joking my DD was missing him. He seemed to jump at the chance and we met that day. And many days since. I can't get enough of him and I think he feels the same. When my DH was away for a night last week, X came over in the evening and after some wine he kissed me and I've never been so happy. He wanted to stay but I made him leave. Which I sort of regret.

Im completely in love with him. If I don't see him for a day it's like my heart will break.

I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
SunshineisSorry · 04/06/2011 23:27

so let me get this straight, your husband works long hours - err, yeah right - so you can live the life of luxury, you have a new car waiting for you after you pass your test, he carries your shopping bags? That i bet has paid for the contents. Poor bastard, hes working his bollocks off while you are busy spending his money and flirting with his best friend. Fuck me, some women dont know they are born. As fit2drop says, you need to grow up before you let your DD down

Poshbaggirl · 04/06/2011 23:27

You dont want sound advice, just attention. SPOILT attention seeker. Grow up.

penguin73 · 04/06/2011 23:29

You have replied telling him no to going out, no to lunch tomorrow and you would prefer him to stop texting - haven't you?....

Original poster
Feronia · 04/06/2011 23:31

Sunshine - I worked from 18 until my baby was born, and have only just stopped getting maternity pay so don't go there on the whole spoilt, spending his money bit. That's just predictable rubbish.

Poshbaggirl - I'm not, honestly. I was trying to prove that's it's difficult to cut X off and talk to DH because of how our lives are. Thanks for your turnabout though Hmm

OP posts:
SunshineisSorry · 04/06/2011 23:31

You know why you fight with your DH, its because you have your head full of bullshit romance with your fucking lodger! Tell him to move the fuck out - you are a mother now, start acting like a grown up, you can't get away with behaving like a spoilt brat when you have children, life just isnt like that - sorry. Do you not have any concept of the damage you will do to your DD if you destroy this family over some limp fuckwit who cant even get himself sorted out with a place to stay if he is as well off as you imply - you do like your men loaded dont you hun Hmm

Original poster
Feronia · 04/06/2011 23:32

Penguin, I haven't text anything back at the moment because I know he's with DH and I'm worried about my name coming up on the phone.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 04/06/2011 23:33

How is it difficult. You didnt even know the bloke a few months ago.

And yes, you are bloody spoiled, as that is showing through in every post you make. The only thing that isnt showing through is any respect for your husband, or any guilt at your behaviour.

You dont want to stop seeing this bloke do you?

SunshineisSorry · 04/06/2011 23:33

Well done for going to work - its what people do, but you ARE behaving like a spoilt brat now, so its a fair assumption to make really dont you think.

Sleepyspaniel · 04/06/2011 23:33

It's easy to say "walk away" from the BF, but that's the answer. I know there is a great temptation to press the self destruct button, and DH doesn't seem half as attentive and nice as this BF but I will paint you a vision of the future as a serious possibility and consequence of moving things forward with the BF.

Imagine things progress with BF, it limps on for a few months then he leaves your. Imagine you are then living as a single parent, no DH, no BF. Most likely somewhere not as nice as you are now because of finances. Your DD goes to your DH's to stay every other weekend and sometimes during the week. You have no money, no DH, not BF and no DD some of the time whilst she's at her dads. Oh and you ex DH LEARNS from his experience, becomes all attentive, flirty and loving - with someone else. Someone who creates a happy family life with him and your DD whilst she's staying there.

BF is long gone.

Now think about cutting the BF out of your life. Start paying DH more attention. Fake it til you make it if necessary. Behave to him how you want him to behave to you i.e take an interest, look after him a bit more, treat him like a hot guy not "just" a H. Get some interests. Get some time out of being a mum. Get out of the house more. Force yourself to make new friends. You have your DH, your DD, your house, your comfortable life.

BF is long gone (and when you do see him occasionally you THANK GOD you didn't do anything).

No BF would make a move on their BF's wife. That automatically makes the BF a snake who will betray you just as easily as your DH. He will not be the exception to the rule no matter how much you tell yourself he is. But you'd only learn that when you're sat out on your own in the cold, because don't forget, nobody would have much sympathy for you. You don't realise how much you are currently sat in the warmth and how cold it is outside your relationship, outside of DH and the family you have created with him and your house. When you do find out how cold life would be you won't be able to get back in because you'll have destroyed your old life permanently. Please distract yourself from this BF. Look for work, go to ANY baby groups, fill your days with ANYTHING but him.

Original poster
Feronia · 04/06/2011 23:34

Sunshine - he doesn't live with us anymore. He moved out after 9 weeks.

OP posts:
SunshineisSorry · 04/06/2011 23:35

you dont want to text him back because you dont want your name to come up on the phone - oh so the lunch tomorrow isn't an open thing that your DH knows about, so you are already being secretive. You are somebodies wife, you are somebodies mother!!! Can you imagine if this was the other way around and you had posted here about your DH flirting with your friend, but i reckon its gone a bit further than flirting.

SunshineisSorry · 04/06/2011 23:36

oh well, thats ok the Hmm go for it!

penguin73 · 04/06/2011 23:36

Then you are leading him on as well as letting your DH down. If DH knows you see each other why would your name coming up be an issue - or does DH not know that you have continued the 'friendship' since he moved out?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/06/2011 23:38

I agree with Squeakytoy... You were a challenge, he's nearly had you, if you don't wake up to what you're doing it will be too late and he'll be off looking for his next conquest.

Some women don't evolve from panting after scoundrels, that's what he is. How dare he 'play daddy' to your DD and how dare you let him. Your DD deserves her daddy. Angry

You say that you're worried about your name coming up on the phone and you mention that you can't cut X off... you could if you wanted to, you don't want to. I think you LOVE the drama of it all, it's exciting for you and you seem to think you're in control and can dictate how this goes. I think you're in for a rude awakening... worst luck, so is your DD.

Original poster
Feronia · 04/06/2011 23:39

He knows we see each other, but not as much as we do. And I don't want DH to see my name and it lead to any sort of drunken conversation.

OP posts:
TheMostBeautifulPoster · 04/06/2011 23:40

Op stop mooninh about like a 6th former

Original poster
Feronia · 04/06/2011 23:41

Lyingwitch - it's not exciting for me, I feel miserable, not happy.

I wish I didn't know X, then I could just feel happy with my life again.

OP posts:
RunAwayWife · 04/06/2011 23:41

Wow your poor DH, he really needs better friends and a better wife

zippy539 · 04/06/2011 23:42

On the basis of your last few post I think you've decided what to do OP.

Go for it - but only if you're prepared to find yourself 12 months from now alone as a single parent with both your DH and X happily with other women. That's the potential future. That's your choice.

squeakytoy · 04/06/2011 23:42

I wouldnt worry luv, he will have his phone very close to him. That sort of bloke always does.

Text him back "sorry, not interested thanks" .. then even if your husband did see it, he would know that you were not interested.. simple really isnt it.

LisaD1 · 04/06/2011 23:42

Get a babysitter and go out with your DH tomorrow, tell him that this prick of a so called BF of his has been making a play for you, get the waste of space out of your lives and concentrate on reconnecting to what you describe as a great DH, give him the chance to be a great Daddy and stop letting some chancer ruin it for all of you.

This man is no friend to your DH or your marriage but you don't have to let him be the beginning of the end of your relationship.

Pop over to the realtionship board and have a read about how many shits there are out there, then think yourself lucky to have your DH!

Monty27 · 04/06/2011 23:43

What a twat texting his bf's wife while they're out together.

Ugh.

You want that? Ave it! And the rest of the dross that'll go with it.

Is your dh free yet?? they'll be queueing for him. You heard it here first.

Original poster
Feronia · 04/06/2011 23:45

Zippy - I have decided what to do. I'm going to speak to DH as soon as I can and get X out of my life. I'm going to join some baby groups. And I'm going to ignore X until I can speak to DH properly.

OP posts:
fit2drop · 04/06/2011 23:45

you asking what you did to deserve my last post.
well my last post was tongue in cheek really , as in bloody hell your hubby sounds fab and here you are wondering whether to shag the player and loose the hubby. I was just saying DO it !! cos your hubby will have plenty of people who would appreciate him

However after reading your post again...you asking what you did to derserve it is a bit sweet isnt it....

wtf has your DH done to deserve being so badly disrespected by you and his best friend.

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